Blunt honesty Please

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  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #42
    Tell her to take a HIKE!
    T........

    I have been going through this since April.....I have come across some pretty insensitive people......not many but enough to make my blood boil! Had a "CLOSE FRIEND" I thought, actually pull on my wig this past weekend.....I still have my hair (cut very very short) but decided to start wearing the wig before my hair falls out......Had my first chemo infusion on Monday.....so far so good! Anyway, when she did this, I turned around, with my teeth gritted and said......"what the H__L do you think you're doing?" She then proceeded to tell everyone I was wearing a wig..I've cut her right out of my life....I have toxic chemicals in my body, I don't need toxic people in my life!

    I'd tell this person......"when you get REAL CANCER", as she called it, get back to me......

    God Bless you and take good care!
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #43
    Being Blunt
    After having been diagnosed, tested, pet scanned, poked, prodded, and stuck w/needles, the surgery, and then chemo and radiation, everyone in my family was concerned, but nobody really UNDERSTOOD. They still don't. When I tell people I am too tired to go somewhere or do something, I feel guilty. I had all the treatments, etc., and only took off 2 weeks after the surgery. I worked full time, only taking off 6 days for chemo and late afternoons for radiation (which I only just finished on 6/5/09.) Family and friends can be kind, generous, and do a lot for you to help, but unless they have been here, they really don't understand. Its not their fault - they love you and we love them. I know they try, but that deep, almost debilitating tiredness is something that only you will understand. The criticism that I should get out and do more hurts, but when it comes from your Mother, it hurts worse. The holidays were the worst. I was working full time and had three houseguests. I would come home from work, clean the kitchen, make dinner, help with the clean up, try to get into the shower, plan dinner for the next night and then go to bed, to be up at 5 am the next morning. Add to that chemo treatments, shopping, cleaning, decorating, and undecorating when everyone went home! Just because you are not in bed or in the hospital, people just assume you are doing great. Inside you are shaking in your boots. You are scared, petrified, terrified, while keeping on your "happy face". Believe me, they do love you, but I don't think they will ever truly "Understand". They say they do, but they don't - God Love 'em!
    I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but its a natural reaction.
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #44
    padee6339 said:

    Being Blunt
    After having been diagnosed, tested, pet scanned, poked, prodded, and stuck w/needles, the surgery, and then chemo and radiation, everyone in my family was concerned, but nobody really UNDERSTOOD. They still don't. When I tell people I am too tired to go somewhere or do something, I feel guilty. I had all the treatments, etc., and only took off 2 weeks after the surgery. I worked full time, only taking off 6 days for chemo and late afternoons for radiation (which I only just finished on 6/5/09.) Family and friends can be kind, generous, and do a lot for you to help, but unless they have been here, they really don't understand. Its not their fault - they love you and we love them. I know they try, but that deep, almost debilitating tiredness is something that only you will understand. The criticism that I should get out and do more hurts, but when it comes from your Mother, it hurts worse. The holidays were the worst. I was working full time and had three houseguests. I would come home from work, clean the kitchen, make dinner, help with the clean up, try to get into the shower, plan dinner for the next night and then go to bed, to be up at 5 am the next morning. Add to that chemo treatments, shopping, cleaning, decorating, and undecorating when everyone went home! Just because you are not in bed or in the hospital, people just assume you are doing great. Inside you are shaking in your boots. You are scared, petrified, terrified, while keeping on your "happy face". Believe me, they do love you, but I don't think they will ever truly "Understand". They say they do, but they don't - God Love 'em!
    I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but its a natural reaction.

    Being Blunt
    I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Pat and I was diagnosed in late September last fall. I lost my hair after my first chemo treatment, and finished chemo on March 6. I did 36 radiation treatments (5 days a week) and finished them last Monday on 6/5. When I asked both my Radiation Oncologist and regular Oncologist, how do we treat this when the treatments are over? They both said that you pray. I wanted to join a community of understanding people who I hope I can talk to once in a while, try to help, and to share my stories with. Thank you!
  • aurora2009
    aurora2009 Member Posts: 544 Member
    #45
    padee6339 said:

    Being Blunt
    I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Pat and I was diagnosed in late September last fall. I lost my hair after my first chemo treatment, and finished chemo on March 6. I did 36 radiation treatments (5 days a week) and finished them last Monday on 6/5. When I asked both my Radiation Oncologist and regular Oncologist, how do we treat this when the treatments are over? They both said that you pray. I wanted to join a community of understanding people who I hope I can talk to once in a while, try to help, and to share my stories with. Thank you!

    welcome
    Hi pat i'm Aurora I'm new here too. Just wanted to say welcome.
  • djteach
    djteach Member Posts: 273
    #46
    Hi Taleena, I'm sure you
    Hi Taleena, I'm sure you have a wonderful family. We all have that 1 or 2 or 10 relatives that are just ignorant in the truest sense of the word. You are needed on this board! You have given us just as much as we have given you. Your relative has obviously never had to deal with anything like this or she never would have made such a thoughtless comment. I, for one, WANT YOU HERE!

    By the way, I love your picture! What a beautiful crew. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love and gentle hugs, Donna
  • dmc_emmy
    dmc_emmy Member Posts: 549
    #47
    My dear dear friend
    Don't you dare leave us! We need your humor, you need us--I need you. You were the first person to list me as your friend. I was so happy that I cried and couldn't wait to tell my daughter, "Someone wants to be my friend1"

    We (all of us) are in this together, both to share the good news and to cry over the bad news. For me, and I am sure for everyone on this site, this [cancer] is the most frightening thing we have ever had to face. But, because of this site, because of dear friends like you, we don't have to face it alone.

    We sign-on here because we know that we will find others who truly understand. No one, absolutely no one, can fully understand what we are going through the moment we hear those words, "You have breast cancer." Our lives are changed forever and we need forever friends to see us through whatever comes our way.

    We have never met, but I feel as though I know you, and you know me, better than some who have known me for a lifetime.

    You are a survivor, T, and as survivors need to stick together.

    dmc
  • dmc_emmy
    dmc_emmy Member Posts: 549
    #48
    padee6339 said:

    Being Blunt
    I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Pat and I was diagnosed in late September last fall. I lost my hair after my first chemo treatment, and finished chemo on March 6. I did 36 radiation treatments (5 days a week) and finished them last Monday on 6/5. When I asked both my Radiation Oncologist and regular Oncologist, how do we treat this when the treatments are over? They both said that you pray. I wanted to join a community of understanding people who I hope I can talk to once in a while, try to help, and to share my stories with. Thank you!

    Pat-Welcome
    I will have to agree with your drs. I've done more praying in the past 3 and 1/2 years than I did in my life before cancer. I've done a lot more crying and venting, too. I've also learned who are my true friends (those who stuck by me and held me when I told them I wanted to be left alone). I also found some of the best friends a person could ever have, right here, and these are friends for a lifetime.

    Welcome and glad you found us.
    dmc
  • Bill.S
    Bill.S Member Posts: 177
    #49
    Who "belongs" here ?
    I see a new man- Mr 1 %. Do he and I "belong" here???? HECK YES !!!!
    Big, little, man, Woman, all races-colors-creads--- We all are happy that this place exists.
    Perhaps your bio. family is jealous?
    Enjoy being here 'cause your bio family doesn't have cancer but every one here does.
    Bill S
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #50
    Bill.S said:

    Who "belongs" here ?
    I see a new man- Mr 1 %. Do he and I "belong" here???? HECK YES !!!!
    Big, little, man, Woman, all races-colors-creads--- We all are happy that this place exists.
    Perhaps your bio. family is jealous?
    Enjoy being here 'cause your bio family doesn't have cancer but every one here does.
    Bill S

    Thanks Bill... your right!
    Thanks Bill... your right! We all belong here.. and never have I found a better group of people to surround myself with!

    Hugs

    ~T
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #51
    Just saw this thread
    And I'm shocked that this person would say something so outrageous, so hurtful, so insensitive. Wow. Just wow. So now being node negative (congrats, by the way!) means that you don't need support, that you don't "really have cancer"? So, I don't really have cancer, huh? Good to know!

    Girl, I'm glad you didn't leave. Don't listen to them. Trust your gut. You know you belong.

    Mimi

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