Blunt honesty Please
Comments
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You hitchenheart said:Harry Potter, anyone???
I have used this analogy before, and I will use it again now! I liken CSN to Hogwarts from the Harry Potter series. We here are by no choice of our own, we are "special"~ we are the Witches and Wizards, trying to find our way in a world outnumbered by those who do not have our experience. Those on the outside, namely our family and friends, are the Muggles. They are not opposed to us, per se, but they also don't "get it". We can't explain what it's like to be us, nor do they understand the bond we have with our fellow Witches/Wizards. Some of us here at Hogwarts have more power than others, and the personality types in here range from shy to feisty to funny to bold and everything in-between! There are long-timers,and teachers, as well as underclassmen coming in all the time. We may not all be alike, and we bond with some easier than others, but we ALL have Hogwarts in common!
So, to the Muggles we are related to~ just smile at them ( with pity?) and know they are only doing what they think is best for us. And remember, they just don't know what it's like to be us!
Hugs,
Claudia
the nail on the head again,Claudia! Such a way with words.
"So there!!" to all the people in the world who think they understand,don't and can't,but think they do anyways!!!0 -
Taleena ...Marcia527 said:AHHHHHHHHHH! Sorry but after
AHHHHHHHHHH! Sorry but after all the smiling I had to scream!! I also had to tell you how great you don't need chemo.
I agree with everything everyone has said. Debi put into words what I believe we are all thinking. That family member is beyond stupid. And ... as far as Jeanne's comments ... you would have had to hold me back too ... because I would have been right up there ready to slap some sense into that insensitive person (and I am a VERY non-violent person). How dare she?
You are a much stronger person than I would have been in that situation. I think I would have given her a piece of my mind (what's left of my chemo brain) ... and I would have let her know exactly how stupid ... and HURTFUL ... her comment was. What medical school did she go to ... to be such an expert on cancer and cancer patients? You didn't say how old this family member is ... but it almost sounds like something a young, immature person would say. Someone who is completely clueless about life in general.
And ... I've always found that Jeanne's line "that's interesting" is perfect when someone says something totally stupid. I just smile and tell say "that's interesting" and they think they've really educated and enlightened me ... when actually I'm thinking "that's interesting ... I didn't realize people could be so stupid!" Works for me!
And as far as you not belonging here ... now THAT really is a stupid thought! You belong here as much as any of us do. As we all know ... all of our diagnosis ... experiences ... knowledge ... treatment ... etc. etc. etc. ... we are all different. If we all had the same diagnosis, experiences, knowledge, treatment etc ... there wouldn't be any need for us to be here because we wouldn't have anything to share with each other. One thing has brought us together and that's breast cancer. And now that we are together we are here to share our experiences etc. and most of all ... we are here to support each other ... regardless of where they are on their journey. We do not require "new members" to complete an application form indicating how "sick" they are ... and then we vote and determine if they are "sick" enough to belong to our family. We offer unconditional love, acceptance and support ... regardless of the diagnosis. So ... don't worry about that "other" family member ... you have THIS family ... and we need you here. So there!
hugs.
teena0 -
Some People!!!lynn1950 said:We are here whenever you need support
I am so glad for your good news. I thought this site was to help each of us through. We are here for you through radiation and all the stuff that comes your way, including stupid comments. Afterall, you help us, too. Your beautiful poem meant so much to me. Love, Lynn
Don't let those kind of people bring you down hun. I believe God brought each of us here for comfort, friendship, and unconditional support. This is truley a group of the most caring and understanding people i have ever met. and each of you holds a special place in my heart. We have been blessed by finding each other and i don't really know where i would be without you. Don't let anyone steal your comfort and joy away. We love good news and you keep sharing it with us. please.
Big hugs, jackie0 -
Teena, I might add that sometgf said:Taleena ...
I agree with everything everyone has said. Debi put into words what I believe we are all thinking. That family member is beyond stupid. And ... as far as Jeanne's comments ... you would have had to hold me back too ... because I would have been right up there ready to slap some sense into that insensitive person (and I am a VERY non-violent person). How dare she?
You are a much stronger person than I would have been in that situation. I think I would have given her a piece of my mind (what's left of my chemo brain) ... and I would have let her know exactly how stupid ... and HURTFUL ... her comment was. What medical school did she go to ... to be such an expert on cancer and cancer patients? You didn't say how old this family member is ... but it almost sounds like something a young, immature person would say. Someone who is completely clueless about life in general.
And ... I've always found that Jeanne's line "that's interesting" is perfect when someone says something totally stupid. I just smile and tell say "that's interesting" and they think they've really educated and enlightened me ... when actually I'm thinking "that's interesting ... I didn't realize people could be so stupid!" Works for me!
And as far as you not belonging here ... now THAT really is a stupid thought! You belong here as much as any of us do. As we all know ... all of our diagnosis ... experiences ... knowledge ... treatment ... etc. etc. etc. ... we are all different. If we all had the same diagnosis, experiences, knowledge, treatment etc ... there wouldn't be any need for us to be here because we wouldn't have anything to share with each other. One thing has brought us together and that's breast cancer. And now that we are together we are here to share our experiences etc. and most of all ... we are here to support each other ... regardless of where they are on their journey. We do not require "new members" to complete an application form indicating how "sick" they are ... and then we vote and determine if they are "sick" enough to belong to our family. We offer unconditional love, acceptance and support ... regardless of the diagnosis. So ... don't worry about that "other" family member ... you have THIS family ... and we need you here. So there!
hugs.
teena
Teena, I might add that some people are immature all their lives and never grow up. I've seen some pretty mature children. Age has nothing to do with it. But you are right, this person is clueless.0 -
How did they find out?
Darn, Taleena, how in the world did your other family find out we were "faking" it? I thought we covered everything...Dr. appts, tests, biopsy, surgery, radiation, tears.....what did we leave out? I personally thought switching the tumor in the O.R. while I was knocked out was definitly my best performance yet!! Don't you agree? By the way, I never did ask you....what was your technique? How did you pull that part off?
Honey, I feel sooooo terrible for you. Possibly when you used the word other "family" she felt threatened? Which of course you in no way intended anything by it. And where would she or anyone else get the wealth of knowledge from?
Honestly, I would have felt very put down and became depressed if someone in my family had said that to me. But after I pulled myself together, I would contact them and say "you know what, your right, and I will take you up on your offer. Here are my questions....." then I would bombard them with hundreds of questions (and everyday!) until they begged me to get my answers else where.
I would say things like "My doctor told me this today (insert something you know the answer to!) and I was wondering if you could tell me what he meant by this"? or "What are my side effects going to be when I begin my radiation? How about after 10 sessions? And after 20 sessions?". This could actually be fun to show them how little they really know.
Or you could tell them you thought about what THEY said and since you only have a "little" cancer maybe the Doctors are going overboard and so you decided to have just a "Little" treatment. Therefore, you will not be doing any more treatment (I'm curious how they would react?).
I know you are going through a very emotional time (oh boy, wait until we start the tamoxifen!). Your feelings are very fragile right now (and for GOOD reason!). Mine too. Taleena, you are a mirror image of me when it comes to our cancers (just got my news 5 minutes ago) and if you don't really have cancer that means I don't either. Well, sorry....no way...not happening....nobody is taking my thunder away! And you better stay here because I NEED your support and experience!!! (you may be a mirror image but your still 1 day and 1 step ahead of me!!).
Seriously, please let this whole thing roll off your shoulders (Com'on, we have pretty broad shoulders and can take it!). People are going to say hurtful, inappropriate, misleading, and even spiteful things. We can only quess why or may never know why they do it. And even though we have enough to deal with and don't need anymore, we still need to learn to ignore things like this. I know it is not easy to do when they are standing right next to you, but nothing we are doing has been EASY yet we somehow manage to do it and march forward.
If you really believe her and feel you do not belong here, then I don't either. Since I have no intention of giving this up, then you have to stay here with me!! Because I personally do NOT believe what she said.
I hope you decide to stay. I promise you if you stay you will not regret your decision. (I may even do a happy dance and post it on "you tube".....or not! Whew....was out of my head for a second there!!)
Sending BIG hugs and my love your way and hoping you'll hang in there and stay with us.
Pammy 0 -
Just a thought.Marcia527 said:Teena, I might add that some
Teena, I might add that some people are immature all their lives and never grow up. I've seen some pretty mature children. Age has nothing to do with it. But you are right, this person is clueless.
Firstly I was so mad, I missed saying congrats on your news, it really is this sort of news that gives us all hope and keeps us going.
Secondly, we really should get this Ex-Spurt in here so she can grade us all. Maybe we could have a gradiated system that allows us to only answer certain posts or people per week...Depending on whether (In her opinion) you had Real Cancer, Some Cancer, etc etc etc...
Am I allowed in here please? After all I am nearly a year out of treatment so I don't actually need support anymore...NOT!
Love you all. Family.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
Wonder if.....
I wonder if what your family member said to you stems from jealousy.....that you would go to strangers to talk about your feelings, instead of a family member.
Regardless of the reason, you are part of the fold! And you remember that sista!!
CR0 -
Hey Taleena
Since you don't
Hey Taleena
Since you don't "really" have cancer,then I guess in her opinion you don't really need to show up for the rads, or bother with that silly ol' ONC. anymore....hallalujah that you don't need the chemo chica, but folks are here to help you through the rads if you need it , and we
enjoy your voice.I'm sure she meant well....straighten her out, and get on with it
Dee0 -
blunt honesty
T, No disrespect to your family, but we are family here. Not biologically, but we are a family of survivors. People say they will listen, that they understand. But how can some one understand when they are not living it everyday! How can they understand when half the time we are confused about diagnoses, treatment, etc...
My family was mad at me, because I didn't cry and because I had a positive attitude. None of them and I mean none of them will even talk about it. Except how are you doing? You look good. What's next...
You can take this for what it's worth. But we love you and enjoy having you here.
Also, if you felt sad not responding then I think you got your own answer.
Your thoughts...
Julie0 -
There are sometimes that Itasha_111 said:Daft Sod!
She sure sounds like not a very sypathetic person.. You want blunt honesty?.. Here it is, you should NOT feel you have to be polite. Tell her to Bugger Off, You have as much right as any of us to be here and you are a much valued member of our community. Don't you dare step back! We all need each other in here.
What did she mean about people who Really have cancer? It that like only being a little bit pregnant?
Huge Hugs to you, I'll be back later and looking especially for you. Loads of Love Juliaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
There are sometimes that I use sarcasm to deal with issues. This is one of them. Working off of Tasha's comment about a little bit pregnant. Only women who had babies over 9 lbs have really been pregnant. A small baby doesn't count. And of course, you aren't a mom if you didn't give birth yourself or had a cesearean. Adoption or fostering don't count. Screw that.
And of course you shouldn't be here. After all you only have a little cancer. You don't need chemo, only rads, maybe hormones. And it probably won't even come back. F*** that. It's cancer and even if it hadn't been cancer at all you are welcome here. Support comes in lots of packages. I, too, had a little cancer, no chemo, just rads and hormones but it was a cancer and I had all the fears, angst, etc that go with it. Maybe you should apologize to her for not having a more real, serious cancer. Bugger that!!
You totally belong here. You are one of the queens of support. And if this insensitive relative feels that she is the best person for you to unload on, boy is she mistaken. I would rather unload to, I don't know, a tree, a wall, a deaf person. What kind of support would someone give you that feels you don't even have a real cancer give you? I won't call her a sod of any kind because she doesn't belong in our club. She belongs in the insensitive idiots brigade. THE IIB. That's her place. She can be their captain, or general or admiral.
I am so grateful that my cancer is what it is but that doesn't mean I can't empathize with the others who need more treatment, have had recurrences, are younger. Or that I can't research and make suggestions, give opinions to others here. That's what we do. Family is not always defined by blood, sometimes we are linked by a commonality.
Don't ever leave us. We need you. We value you (something this person does not). We care about you and more importantly we know you care about us.
Sorry for the rant. Had to be said. Gosh, that felt good.
Stef0 -
Call off the troops!!! I got it...
Hell,,, I started to address you all one by one, but that would take me all night and I wouldn't be able to see what's going on with everyone else!.. I made the original post this morning before heading to the office, where I'm up to my a** in aligators from missing last week... so I wasn't able to sign on until just now.... and now that once again you have made me cry and laugh... I thought I'd let you know... "Hey Lucy... I'm home"... and that is where I intend to stay!!!
I will tell you now that I really look at it, I do think this person is jealous, not just that I am sharing with you what I am not able to share with her, but also of the way I am choosig to handle the entire situation.. as positive as possible, and with all of you.
At this point I think I'm actually glad that we are seperated by the miles, (even though we feel close) can you imagine if you had all been over for coffee... tea... a drink... sitting in my living room or dining room, and her making a comment like that.... I think they've outlawed lynchings...
I'm here.. with all of you... I was just looking for your thoughts.. and whatever the outcome I would have been okay... but I am so much better knowing that you are all here with me... radiation still scares the hell out of me... but with you guys I know I can do it!
Lots of love and hugs to my "family"
~T0 -
Welcome Home!taleena said:Call off the troops!!! I got it...
Hell,,, I started to address you all one by one, but that would take me all night and I wouldn't be able to see what's going on with everyone else!.. I made the original post this morning before heading to the office, where I'm up to my a** in aligators from missing last week... so I wasn't able to sign on until just now.... and now that once again you have made me cry and laugh... I thought I'd let you know... "Hey Lucy... I'm home"... and that is where I intend to stay!!!
I will tell you now that I really look at it, I do think this person is jealous, not just that I am sharing with you what I am not able to share with her, but also of the way I am choosig to handle the entire situation.. as positive as possible, and with all of you.
At this point I think I'm actually glad that we are seperated by the miles, (even though we feel close) can you imagine if you had all been over for coffee... tea... a drink... sitting in my living room or dining room, and her making a comment like that.... I think they've outlawed lynchings...
I'm here.. with all of you... I was just looking for your thoughts.. and whatever the outcome I would have been okay... but I am so much better knowing that you are all here with me... radiation still scares the hell out of me... but with you guys I know I can do it!
Lots of love and hugs to my "family"
~T
Sure glad you decided to stay here. We missed you. HUGS!! Cathy0 -
Definite cause for a Happy dance!!taleena said:Call off the troops!!! I got it...
Hell,,, I started to address you all one by one, but that would take me all night and I wouldn't be able to see what's going on with everyone else!.. I made the original post this morning before heading to the office, where I'm up to my a** in aligators from missing last week... so I wasn't able to sign on until just now.... and now that once again you have made me cry and laugh... I thought I'd let you know... "Hey Lucy... I'm home"... and that is where I intend to stay!!!
I will tell you now that I really look at it, I do think this person is jealous, not just that I am sharing with you what I am not able to share with her, but also of the way I am choosig to handle the entire situation.. as positive as possible, and with all of you.
At this point I think I'm actually glad that we are seperated by the miles, (even though we feel close) can you imagine if you had all been over for coffee... tea... a drink... sitting in my living room or dining room, and her making a comment like that.... I think they've outlawed lynchings...
I'm here.. with all of you... I was just looking for your thoughts.. and whatever the outcome I would have been okay... but I am so much better knowing that you are all here with me... radiation still scares the hell out of me... but with you guys I know I can do it!
Lots of love and hugs to my "family"
~T
And Nooooo......I am not posting it on "you tube"!!! (I must have been totally out of my head earlier when I said that!! It's the drugs!! Yeah, that's it!! They make me do really crazy things!!) Glad your here to stay!! Pammy 0 -
newAkiss4me said:Definite cause for a Happy dance!!
And Nooooo......I am not posting it on "you tube"!!! (I must have been totally out of my head earlier when I said that!! It's the drugs!! Yeah, that's it!! They make me do really crazy things!!) Glad your here to stay!! Pammy
Awesome news T!!!!!!! Don't you dare let anyone tell you where you should or should not go for comfort and love. Your sister is obviously jealous!!! We need you as much as you need us!
Lots of Love and a Great Big Hug,
K0 -
Radiationtaleena said:Call off the troops!!! I got it...
Hell,,, I started to address you all one by one, but that would take me all night and I wouldn't be able to see what's going on with everyone else!.. I made the original post this morning before heading to the office, where I'm up to my a** in aligators from missing last week... so I wasn't able to sign on until just now.... and now that once again you have made me cry and laugh... I thought I'd let you know... "Hey Lucy... I'm home"... and that is where I intend to stay!!!
I will tell you now that I really look at it, I do think this person is jealous, not just that I am sharing with you what I am not able to share with her, but also of the way I am choosig to handle the entire situation.. as positive as possible, and with all of you.
At this point I think I'm actually glad that we are seperated by the miles, (even though we feel close) can you imagine if you had all been over for coffee... tea... a drink... sitting in my living room or dining room, and her making a comment like that.... I think they've outlawed lynchings...
I'm here.. with all of you... I was just looking for your thoughts.. and whatever the outcome I would have been okay... but I am so much better knowing that you are all here with me... radiation still scares the hell out of me... but with you guys I know I can do it!
Lots of love and hugs to my "family"
~T
T, I did five days a week for seven weeks, plus worked. The only side effect I had was I was more tired then usual. Rads is scary the first time, but if you have a great support staff at the treatment center, it will make it much easier. I had the best ladies taking care of me. Plus you have USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They even referred me to someone who could help w/medical expenses as well as with gas money. If you need that type of help.
Julie0 -
Thanks Julie.. I'm hoping Ijgridley said:Radiation
T, I did five days a week for seven weeks, plus worked. The only side effect I had was I was more tired then usual. Rads is scary the first time, but if you have a great support staff at the treatment center, it will make it much easier. I had the best ladies taking care of me. Plus you have USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They even referred me to someone who could help w/medical expenses as well as with gas money. If you need that type of help.
Julie
Thanks Julie.. I'm hoping I can pull it off.
~T0 -
Some People
Hi,
I don't post often, but i do read most of the posts and it seems to me that you are an asset to our little community. Some people, they just don't get that even thought each of our situations are different, it brings us quickly into a lifetime friendship. Why would we want you to leave?
I have done a happy dance in honor of you good news, may this be the only cancer scare you ever have.
Tjhay0 -
She's An Idiot!!!jgridley said:blunt honesty
T, No disrespect to your family, but we are family here. Not biologically, but we are a family of survivors. People say they will listen, that they understand. But how can some one understand when they are not living it everyday! How can they understand when half the time we are confused about diagnoses, treatment, etc...
My family was mad at me, because I didn't cry and because I had a positive attitude. None of them and I mean none of them will even talk about it. Except how are you doing? You look good. What's next...
You can take this for what it's worth. But we love you and enjoy having you here.
Also, if you felt sad not responding then I think you got your own answer.
Your thoughts...
Julie
Sorry no disrespect intended, My daughter and I have kinda of a private joke between us that helps relieve some of our tention. You know like when you're driving down the road and some one cuts you off, instead of yelling and getting mad, we will both yell out "YOU"RE AN IDIOT!" and start laughing. As time has gone we've applied this to many things (and people ) and it sounds like this applies to your mis-informed family member. Since I've been here on this web-site you've been nothing but hope and inspiration for me.
Please do not bow out or do any thing like that.
We all have cancer here no matter how big or how small, and I for one need you here.
Just remember.....
"She's and Idiot !!!'
and use that when ever you can, it feels good Try it!
Aurora0 -
Tjhay... And just so youtjhay said:Some People
Hi,
I don't post often, but i do read most of the posts and it seems to me that you are an asset to our little community. Some people, they just don't get that even thought each of our situations are different, it brings us quickly into a lifetime friendship. Why would we want you to leave?
I have done a happy dance in honor of you good news, may this be the only cancer scare you ever have.
Tjhay
Tjhay... And just so you know, I am so glad you feel up to that happy dance!
~T0 -
O MY
Sounds like yout family member really needs us .your family member makes us sound like we have the black pleg. what would she do if she was told her had cancer.o my the way everyonne in here is danceing the happy dance for you we all love to hear good news. love to you and please stay with us0
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