Any Young Caregivers Out There?

I don't feel as young as I used too...
JessieB,

What a courageous choice you have made to leave (hopefully temporarily) college to do this for your mother. As you scan through this site, you will see many posts about family and friends (usually children) who totally drop the ball and don't help. I'll bet there will be a lot of people who read your post and wish they had children as un-selfish as you are.

It has been a long time since I was 23, but I do sometimes feel like I'm on the younger side of the scale. I'm 39, and my wife is 39 (stage 3 kidney cancer, 9th month of a 12 month chemo treatment, struggling but the end of chemo is quickly approaching).

Also - I am sorry that you are going through this, and that you already lost one of your parents. Everyone on this site is going through their own journey, and your's sounds very challenging.

I hope that you find some help and support on this site. God bless you and thank you for making the choice that you have made for your Mother.

JessieB said:

Thank You

gthufford,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I wish you and your wife the absolute best.

JessieB
I doubt that you will find many caregivers as young as you are here, but please know that you are not alone. We all have different situations, and different challenges, but we are all here because we are trying to cope with some of the hardest experiences of our lives. I'm sorry that at your age you have to face these problems, but it sounds like you are dedicated to helping your mom. I admire you for that. I'm 43, but I still have a young family (2 teenagers and a 3 year old). My husband has stage 4 lung cancer, and after 2 years of fighting we both feel a lot older. This is a tough journey, but you will be amazed when you find you have more strength than you ever thought possible. I wish all the best for you and your mom.

your time is precious now with mom
Jessie-
lost my mom almsot a year ago and its the hardest thing i/ we have EVER had to go through and still go through to this day. I am only 36 i was my moms caregiver she had stage 4 SCC(throat cancer) she only lived 16 months after fighting so hard radiation, surgery and then chemo. I lost my dad when i was only 11 so i was very close to mom as im sure you are to your mom. The advice i can give you is take lots and lots of pictures now also record her voice on a machine or take a video when she is happy because i miss moms voice so MUCH and would love to hear her talk now. If you can go away somewhere nice for a vacation or even small get away swimmimg, casino, camping whatever you two like and enjoy this will be your most precious moment to remember later on we took mom on cruise and it was the best and thats what i remember most becasue she was the happiest woman alive and me and my sister were able to share that with her before it got to late.
Im sorry you had to drop out of college but remember college will be here later on but mom may not so for now you take care of her and do what you feel is right and believe and spend all the time you can with her just remind her you love her will always be ther for her and you two will fight together till the end, it will be very very hard and challenging but do not ever give up hope miracles happen and it CAn happen to you, if it doesnt then at leaset you have gotten to do things with mom while you can and college can wait and when you do finally go back to college it will be to show mom that your a strong brave woman and that you can do it for her to make her proud of you, Remember she wants you to be happy and strong dont ever forget that. Take care of yourself, stay positive and strong and brave, and try to do things for yourself even while taking care of mom have friends, family, neighbors help you and DO not feel bad about asking or demanding they help you will need breaks and time to breathe for you and her,
MAny prayers to you and her and many HUGS sent your way..
Keep her comfortable and happy as long as you can and just be there to love, hold cry and laugh and smile with her. she loves you with all her heart and she doesnt want this no more then you want this just try to remember that because this will be hard on her knowing she is puttin you through this just tell and remind her there is nowhere else you would rather be the with mom who has taken care of you and made you into this smart , bright caring wonderful woman and now its your turn to return all those favors she did for you she is proud of you dont ever forget that,,
your friend
tracy

Jessie,
I am 29 and the
Jessie,
I am 29 and the primary caregiver for my mom who has vulvular/rectal cancer. She has been fighting off and on since 2000 and I have always been the one to take care of her. My husband, 3 year old sons, and I ended up moving in with my mom this time and are helping her through the end stages of life.
PLEASE lean on your friends, or at least the ones that are still there. We do not expect to loose our parents this young and I only wish that my boys would know their grandmother more, but my husband and close friends have been wonderful. When your mom's friends ask how they can help, give them specifics - do some laundry, go grocery shopping, organize meals, and most importantly, sit with your mom while you go and do something for yourself. I am just getting to that point of letting other people take care of her and it took my husband and best friend setting up a surprise day where she kidnapped me for a whole day while my sister took care of my mom. I came home feeling so much better and ready to tackle the next set of problems.
And remember that you are not alone. I know that it feels like that, but what you are doing is something so special for your mom and I hope allows you to form an even deeper connection with her.

I can relate
I am 22 and have been a caregiver to my mother who had breast cancer. I too was juggling college and being a caregiver, although, I had help from my sibilings and dad.

I just graduated in May when I unfortunately lost my mother. It was tough juggling taking care of her whenever I could but it was worth every moment I got to spend with her.

You are clearly doing all you can. You are a selfless individual and your mom is lucky to have you. You being there must mean the world to her, it did to my mom. Just remember, you are the reason why she doesn't have to go through all of this alone. But you also need to remember, that you are not alone. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

jessb im27
hi Im 27 and i used to take care of my mother...i feel alone too right now.. but this site seems to be helping me alot..
you have to remember what your mom has always told you.. and keep that close to your heart.. you have to be strong for her when you are around her.. make her laugh as much as possible.. and tell her everyday how much you love her..maybe since chemo is over she can evjoy her life..

stay strong girl i know you can do this.. i will be here if you need me and would love to talk more

heather

I can totally relate!!
I am only 30 years old and I am losing my mom to cancer. She has Stage IV metastatic cancer that has spread to most of her bones, (entire spine, ribs, skull, butt bone, shoulder blades, etc). They have been unable to find the primary and its so painful to watch her go through this. The tumors were getting so big in her spine they started to fracture her back. She is a school teacher and has insisted she teaches until she cant do it anymore. I worry everyday that she is doing too much and see her struggling just to walk to the car. I have quit my job and concentrate solely on her drs appointments and juggling her home and mine.

I have been having a tough time dealing with this as well, sometimes I feel like my mom is all I have left. I think the hardest thing is I am only 30 and everyone that was my "family" as a child will be gone when she passes. Growing up it was me, my mom, my brother, my dad and my grandmother. I watched my brother get hit by a car when I was 8. My grandmother stepped in to help take care of me while my mom tried to get through my brothers death and my moms first bout of cancer, then my grandmother passed, and it was just me and my mom sofr many years. My father is not around because he treats me so bad, I decided life would be less stressful with him out of it...and now my mom has less tan a year too live.

Now with all that being said....I do have an amazing husband and three awesome kids, oh and in laws that love me more than life. SO no matter how hard life gets sometimes...and trust me I know how hard it can get....someone always has it worse. I always feel like when will it get easier? I am grateful for what I do have and the people who are here. I am going to miss my mom more than anything, but I am so glad that i knew her and was able to spend all these years with her. I know there are women out there that never got to know their moms....I was lucky enough to spend 30 years with her. And all that we got through together made us that much closer.

So please remember, no matter how hard it gets....no matter how tough the situation, you CAN get through it. remember there is always someone out there that has a worse situation. And what doesnt kill us makes us stronger!! I wish you the best honey!

XOXO
Cassie