I know you will understand!

bfbear said:

It just happens
I also fill that family role of the strong one, even though I've always had problems with depression. Even depressed, I was still the one to count on in an emergency, and the one that got made sure everything that needed to be done got done, and then some.

I hate crying. My dysfunctional Dad once told me, when I was a kid and sometime after he and my Mom got divorced, that tears were a sign of weakness and a woman's way of getting what she wanted from a man.... Since I adored him, I wanted to be whatever he thought was "good," so I never cried in front of anyone, and rarely cried alone after awhile (he was the one thing I could never "have" -- he was too busy chasing women and having a good time, so my hidden tears were usually over losing my Dad).

That's probably way more information than anyone needs here, but it's by way of explaining my particular aversion to crying, even though I agree with seof that crying is a way of getting rid of excess stress. When I got divorced from my previous husband, I remember reading some literature that cited a study that said shedding tears was good for you. Tears welling up, sadness not being "released," didn't alleviate any stress, but just the physical action of letting those teardrops fall somehow helped the body relax a bit and shed some excess cortisol (the "bad" stress hormone).

So even though I still hate crying, I try to allow myself some tears when they need to come. Also, watching movies that have sad parts is often a great catharsis, because I can sob away and everyone thinks it's just the movie and I'm being overly sentimental, but I know that it's pent up emotions as well.

I have taken antidepressants for years in order to survive (as in not commit suicide). They do not affect my personality other than to make my thinking more rational and less "hopeless." When I meet with the oncologist in a couple of weeks, I guess I'm going to have to address the anti-estrogen/depression issue...thanks to those here who have made that connection.

In the end, how can you go through any of this beast-wrestling without occasional tears? For some it's the fear of death, for some it's the loss of body parts, it's the worrying over the rest of our families as opposed to taking better care of ourselves, and it's simply the enormous physical stress of our bodies trying to repair and protect us from the beast AND the cure. So, probably, the real question is: "How come we're not crying more?"

If I were more of a humor columnist, I'd suggest that all cancer survivor's be given special dispensations for tears. And perhaps we could be assigned daily "Crying Times," maybe between the hours of 3-5 p.m. -- we could watch sad movies and sob to our hearts' content (cold washclothes, Kleenex, and popcorn included -- all covered by insurance, of course!).

Love you,
Debi

djteach said:

I wish I could reach through
I wish I could reach through the computer and hug you, and let you cry all you want on my shoulder. I have been the strong one too, but I have always cried at the drop of a hat and so does my mother, whom I consider the strongest woman I have ever known. I have a cry for every emotion. It did help me in my job of teaching children of all ages to express their feeling in an socially appropriate manner. I sometimes wish I could turn the tears off, but it's just a part of me. It has to be so hard for you when every fiber of your being wants to let loose. You can cry with me anytime!

Love and gentle hugs,
Donna

bfbear said:

It just happens
I also fill that family role of the strong one, even though I've always had problems with depression. Even depressed, I was still the one to count on in an emergency, and the one that got made sure everything that needed to be done got done, and then some.

I hate crying. My dysfunctional Dad once told me, when I was a kid and sometime after he and my Mom got divorced, that tears were a sign of weakness and a woman's way of getting what she wanted from a man.... Since I adored him, I wanted to be whatever he thought was "good," so I never cried in front of anyone, and rarely cried alone after awhile (he was the one thing I could never "have" -- he was too busy chasing women and having a good time, so my hidden tears were usually over losing my Dad).

That's probably way more information than anyone needs here, but it's by way of explaining my particular aversion to crying, even though I agree with seof that crying is a way of getting rid of excess stress. When I got divorced from my previous husband, I remember reading some literature that cited a study that said shedding tears was good for you. Tears welling up, sadness not being "released," didn't alleviate any stress, but just the physical action of letting those teardrops fall somehow helped the body relax a bit and shed some excess cortisol (the "bad" stress hormone).

So even though I still hate crying, I try to allow myself some tears when they need to come. Also, watching movies that have sad parts is often a great catharsis, because I can sob away and everyone thinks it's just the movie and I'm being overly sentimental, but I know that it's pent up emotions as well.

I have taken antidepressants for years in order to survive (as in not commit suicide). They do not affect my personality other than to make my thinking more rational and less "hopeless." When I meet with the oncologist in a couple of weeks, I guess I'm going to have to address the anti-estrogen/depression issue...thanks to those here who have made that connection.

In the end, how can you go through any of this beast-wrestling without occasional tears? For some it's the fear of death, for some it's the loss of body parts, it's the worrying over the rest of our families as opposed to taking better care of ourselves, and it's simply the enormous physical stress of our bodies trying to repair and protect us from the beast AND the cure. So, probably, the real question is: "How come we're not crying more?"

If I were more of a humor columnist, I'd suggest that all cancer survivor's be given special dispensations for tears. And perhaps we could be assigned daily "Crying Times," maybe between the hours of 3-5 p.m. -- we could watch sad movies and sob to our hearts' content (cold washclothes, Kleenex, and popcorn included -- all covered by insurance, of course!).

Love you,
Debi