Chemo is not for me...
I wonder how he babies with cancer do it, they must be soooo very brave and strong. I think I'm going to visit on the hospitals here and talk to the kids.
I just don't know what to do right now??? I want chemo to be over but 7 more treatments...I can't come to terms with that.
Katreena
Comments
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It's up to you
Well, of course, it is your decision. You do realize that at this point in time, you are probably going to lose your hair whether or not you continue with chemo--right? For me, even with feeling lousy, the hair thing has been the most difficult issue to deal with. I would hate to think that you will lose your hair for no good reason.
Who can you talk to whose opinion you really value? I think you should find someone outside the medical world to discuss this with, someone you really trust and ask them what they think you should do. I know the road looks long and difficult but most things that are worthwhile come with some difficulty. Please don't give up. Please don't quit. This could truly be a life and death decision.
You are probably in the worst part of your treatment right now--days three to six were always my worst days. Please don't make any decisions until you have come through the worst and are feeling better again. You WILL feel better again!
I will pray for you.0 -
Moooood swingsjakeca said:It's up to you
Well, of course, it is your decision. You do realize that at this point in time, you are probably going to lose your hair whether or not you continue with chemo--right? For me, even with feeling lousy, the hair thing has been the most difficult issue to deal with. I would hate to think that you will lose your hair for no good reason.
Who can you talk to whose opinion you really value? I think you should find someone outside the medical world to discuss this with, someone you really trust and ask them what they think you should do. I know the road looks long and difficult but most things that are worthwhile come with some difficulty. Please don't give up. Please don't quit. This could truly be a life and death decision.
You are probably in the worst part of your treatment right now--days three to six were always my worst days. Please don't make any decisions until you have come through the worst and are feeling better again. You WILL feel better again!
I will pray for you.
It's like a roller coaster ride hun. As you said, you may wake up feeling good again and wonder what ever possessed you to even consider canceling treatment that can and probably will save your life. But even if you DON'T wake up feeling that positive, be very careful about making a permanent decision against continuing chemo when your system is all wacko from the physical and emotional stress you are under right now. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and do what is REASONABLE. You will be glad in the long run that you hung in there.
I went through 10 chemo rounds TWICE less than 2 years apart. Talk about getting the heebe-geebies! I ALMOST quit several times. But that was 22+ years ago and here I am watching my grandkids grow up. It is SO worth it.0 -
My hero!zahalene said:Moooood swings
It's like a roller coaster ride hun. As you said, you may wake up feeling good again and wonder what ever possessed you to even consider canceling treatment that can and probably will save your life. But even if you DON'T wake up feeling that positive, be very careful about making a permanent decision against continuing chemo when your system is all wacko from the physical and emotional stress you are under right now. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and do what is REASONABLE. You will be glad in the long run that you hung in there.
I went through 10 chemo rounds TWICE less than 2 years apart. Talk about getting the heebe-geebies! I ALMOST quit several times. But that was 22+ years ago and here I am watching my grandkids grow up. It is SO worth it.
Wow, Zahalene, people like you are the ones I look to for encouragement! Thanks for sharing. I plan to be there watching my grandkids, too, and hopefully without having to do that many more treatments. But if that's what it takes, I guess that's what I will do!0 -
Our brains get pretty tired
Our brains get pretty tired of the stress and pain of chemo and may be looking for a way out. The outpouring of letters you will get will all tell you that you can indeed do it. If you can't handle counting all the chemos left to do, only count the ones you have finished. One down. Please baby yourself through them. You will get there. Luckily, chemo looks a lot like being a victim. We just have to lie there and let this medicine come into us. Unluckily, chemo looks a lot like being a victim. Try to think of chemo as a cure, not the disease. And write often. It got me through. Promise. love and hugs, Joyce0 -
It sure isn't Disneyland!
My sisters here have heard me say this a few dozen times, I trust they will either close their eyes or bear with me: With this Ca diagnosis and subsequent treatment not only are we on a rollercoaster, the seat we are in has a broken seatbelt, there is oil on the tracks, and it's beginning to rain! As the ride has already started, we can't get off, even tho we are desperately afraid. So you know what we do? We hold on for dear life to the person next to us! We may be screaming as we do the loops and the turns, but we also know we don't want to fly off and die~ so we hold on as tightly as we can. And at the end of the ride we get off of the broken coaster. We may indeed be bruised, exhausted and wondering how and why we ever got on that damnable rollercoaster, but we are alive!!!! And we are so thankful that someone was sitting next to us to bolster our shocks as we bolstered theirs.
The cure is NOT worse than the disease! If we can be thankful about anything at all, it is that we live in the year 2009 in a country with top-notch medical facilities and Drs and RNs who want to help us save our lives! We are a strong army of warrior-sisters and brothers who never, ever wanted to know as much as we do about cancer. Read our posts; arm yourself with the knowledge that you can and will get through this. Make your concerns known to your oncologist . And if you need support other than this cyber group, there are actual physical groups you can go to. You will no doubt find that you are in good company and will help each other through the cancer maze.
Don't give up!!!!!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
Overwhelmed...
Katreena, I felt incredibly overwhelmed whenever I would think of how many chemo sessions I had to do. And even more so when I thought about the rads that would follow that. It was just too much and I kept telling everyone in my family that I just couldn't do it.
What finally helped me more than anything was to start thinking of each treatment in single terms...instead of thinking how many there were, or how many months it would take until I was finished.
I would simply try and take each one at a time. I seemed to be able to handle one. But I couldn't handle thinking about 8.
And, I admit, just like a little kid, I promised myself a "goody" after each session. Sometimes it was an ice cream sundae. Other times, it was a new pair of shoes. Even if it was just a cup of coffee to drink on the way home...it was my reward. Cuz I figured by golly, I earned it!
You may also be wanting to sleep to escape, or because you are depressed. Try talking to your doctor about it. And talk to us.
CR0 -
Dear Katreenachenheart said:It sure isn't Disneyland!
My sisters here have heard me say this a few dozen times, I trust they will either close their eyes or bear with me: With this Ca diagnosis and subsequent treatment not only are we on a rollercoaster, the seat we are in has a broken seatbelt, there is oil on the tracks, and it's beginning to rain! As the ride has already started, we can't get off, even tho we are desperately afraid. So you know what we do? We hold on for dear life to the person next to us! We may be screaming as we do the loops and the turns, but we also know we don't want to fly off and die~ so we hold on as tightly as we can. And at the end of the ride we get off of the broken coaster. We may indeed be bruised, exhausted and wondering how and why we ever got on that damnable rollercoaster, but we are alive!!!! And we are so thankful that someone was sitting next to us to bolster our shocks as we bolstered theirs.
The cure is NOT worse than the disease! If we can be thankful about anything at all, it is that we live in the year 2009 in a country with top-notch medical facilities and Drs and RNs who want to help us save our lives! We are a strong army of warrior-sisters and brothers who never, ever wanted to know as much as we do about cancer. Read our posts; arm yourself with the knowledge that you can and will get through this. Make your concerns known to your oncologist . And if you need support other than this cyber group, there are actual physical groups you can go to. You will no doubt find that you are in good company and will help each other through the cancer maze.
Don't give up!!!!!
Hugs,
Claudia
I could never have said it more beautifully. Please listen to these very wise soul sisters of ours. I know the fear and feeling of despair, it does get better I am nearing the end of the chemo tunnel..i will still have rads, but just to get over this huge hump gives me such hope for the future, and to know that i have done my best fight not just for me but also for my loved ones.
Sometimes the chemo medicine has severe side effects for depression. Make sure you talk to your onc. about this and your fears. Things will get alot better down the road. Try to do things you enjoy and be with people that love you. We will be with you every step of the way.
God bless you.
Jackie0 -
Katreena, you can't quit
Katreena, you can't quit now. I also went through 8 round of cytoxan, adriamycin, and 5FU, and the few days after chemo were always the hardest, but you CAN do it. I don't know your family situation, but when I was going through it all I could think of was that my kids were too young and still needed me in their lives. So, no matter how sick I felt, they inspired me to keep fighting. I know it's hard, you are afraid, as we all were, but think of how much worse you would be if you didn't continue. I would say that this would beat death anytime. Keep the faith and we are here to support you all the way. Hugs, Lili0 -
I really didn't want to do
I really didn't want to do chemo. But I looked ahead and wondered how I would feel if I didn't do it and it resurfaced....or it metastasized. Would I then wish I had a least given it a go?? Then I knew I had to do it just so I could say in the end that I had done all I could to destroy it. I hope you reconsider and try and take it one tx at a time like suggested. I like your idea of visiting the hospitals and talking to the kids. They certainly are brave souls. I think you would gain a lot of strength going there.
love
jan0 -
You GO girl!jakeca said:My hero!
Wow, Zahalene, people like you are the ones I look to for encouragement! Thanks for sharing. I plan to be there watching my grandkids, too, and hopefully without having to do that many more treatments. But if that's what it takes, I guess that's what I will do!
You can do this!0 -
Keep going girl
Katreena,
You have 7 treatments left you can do it it is worth it.
I will be having treatment 2 of 62 today and I will continue to beat this beast.
We all have so much to live for--OURSELVES 1st, family and friends and these wonderful people here.
Maybe when the doc gets you the right anti-nausea medications you will have a different outlook on the treatments.
Hang in there--I'm rooting for you now--I want you to be there rooting for the rest of us as well who will still be going through treatments when you are finished with yours.
Positive thoughts and Hugs coming your way.
Margo0 -
2 week after 1st chemo
You have to keep going. Don't quit yet. I'm in my 2nd week now. Feeling alot better than the 1st week. When I get down I come in here and read. Then I feel much better than I did when I logged on. They are right about a roller coaster. We have good days and bad. Right now I'm having more good days than bad. You will have more good than bad. Hang in there.
We are all are brave tooo!!!
HUGS HUGS
God Bless
Darlene0 -
This will pass!!
Katreena,
I was in the same place as you after my first treatment--day 5 of cycle one. I was so-o-o-o miserable, I cried, I said I couldn't do this for 7 more times!!! I was ready to quit!! BUT---do you know what?? On day 6 or 7, I woke up and felt pretty NORMAL!!! I doesn't last and next time when you start to get down, you know it's only for a day or two--so, God Bless You and hang in there! (I'm through with 3 of 8 at this point.) Hugs. Cheryl0 -
Take it a day at at time
Katreena, chemo is not for me either. But I am still going to finish my treatment. I feel your pain. After my first one, I couldn't imagine doing 5 more. It might as well have been 50. But then, on week two I felt better and I reluctantly went to my second treatment on week 3. This continued and now I have just one treatment left. Don't think about all that is ahead of you, but focus on what you have already accomplished. Take it a day at a time, literally. You will soon start to feel better. Also remember that you will always recover from each chemo session. It will never be non-stop sickness. You just need to get through the bad days before the good days start again. And they will. Don't give up, Katreena. You can do it. We'll help you through.
Mimi0 -
The chemo will be over. Go
The chemo will be over. Go ahead and go to bed and sleep. That is the best thing for you. I remember on my 3rd and 4th chemo treatments I just gave up and went to bed ... sometimes after falling into a heap on the floor and crying. Many times I said I would not go through the chemo treatment again. I completed the treatment, I'm now in radiation and have 12 more treatments! There is an end. Be kind to yourself, go to sleep if you need to, read a BUNCH of feel good books! It's not easy, but there is an end to the treatment and remember the chemo is giving you a lease on life ... a second chance.0 -
hang in there
I finished six rounds of CAT chemo 2 weeks ago. Round 2 was my worst because I got a stomach virus and ended up in the hospital for 4 days about a week after the chemo. Other than that the meds really helped with the nausea. The worst side effect was from Neulasta (to help with white blood cell production) it caused bone pain, but it only lasted a day or so. The depression was really bad and I think for about a month I cried every day and wanted to give quit chemo several times. DON'T Quit. In fact, don't make any major decisions about anything right now, the chemo confuses your thinking.
Now 2 weeks after the last session I am feeling better and less "confused". In two weeks, I have my mastectomy. Wish I could skip that but I look forward to seeing my son graduated from school and my seeing my future grandchildren so if anything may keep this "monster" from coming back, I guess it is worth it.0 -
Katreena, I must agree with
Katreena,
I must agree with all the above that chemo certainly is no fun but it is a necessary evil, the alternative is much worse so please reconsider. I have two very dear friends who chose not to have chemo and because there was nothing to stop the cancer it spread and they are no longer with us. I hate to be so rude but I also would hate for you to lose many years of great living due to few months of unpleasantness. I was a stage 4 breast cancer patient in 98, I did chemo for a year and am still here. Yes that year was hard, I was exhausted, slept a lot, had unfamiliar aches and pains and didn't get out much but that was 11 years ago. Since then I have seen my children granduate from school, been there when my daughter got married, been around for the birth of my 2 soon to be 3 grandchildren and I have had many, many great days just being with family and friends. What I am getting at is that it was a worth while trade off to take the chemo so that I could continue to live and enjoy all that this world has to offer. If you give up on chemo things won't just turn rosy, they will only get worse and you will end up far more uncomfortable than you think you are now. Trust me Katreena with chemo you generally have one super tired week, than a tired week and the third week is usually pretty decent. I hope you will not forgo your chemo as it truly is the road to recovery.
Be brave we are here for you,
RE0 -
thank you Katreena! YouRE said:Katreena, I must agree with
Katreena,
I must agree with all the above that chemo certainly is no fun but it is a necessary evil, the alternative is much worse so please reconsider. I have two very dear friends who chose not to have chemo and because there was nothing to stop the cancer it spread and they are no longer with us. I hate to be so rude but I also would hate for you to lose many years of great living due to few months of unpleasantness. I was a stage 4 breast cancer patient in 98, I did chemo for a year and am still here. Yes that year was hard, I was exhausted, slept a lot, had unfamiliar aches and pains and didn't get out much but that was 11 years ago. Since then I have seen my children granduate from school, been there when my daughter got married, been around for the birth of my 2 soon to be 3 grandchildren and I have had many, many great days just being with family and friends. What I am getting at is that it was a worth while trade off to take the chemo so that I could continue to live and enjoy all that this world has to offer. If you give up on chemo things won't just turn rosy, they will only get worse and you will end up far more uncomfortable than you think you are now. Trust me Katreena with chemo you generally have one super tired week, than a tired week and the third week is usually pretty decent. I hope you will not forgo your chemo as it truly is the road to recovery.
Be brave we are here for you,
RE
thank you Katreena! You gave me strengch.0 -
dont quit
Dont quit because your not the only person you are quiting on. What about the people, family children? friends that love you? Its your decision sure. And you may find hope going to see the children during their treatment time. I did that too. I was on such a pity pot and stuck in the why mes that I went to St Judes and went to the cancer ward and I thought it would real sorrowful. Well, I did cry for those kids and I did get strength from them as well. I played x box with them and conversated with these kids, and I was truely greatful for all I do have in life. But you will also see that they too are feeling as sick as you are too. Go and get grateful because alot of those kids have little to no chance of even seeing their next birthday. you can do this you know. god bless you Im praying for you too0 -
dont quit
Dont quit because your not the only person you are quiting on. What about the people, family children? friends that love you? Its your decision sure. And you may find hope going to see the children during their treatment time. I did that too. I was on such a pity pot and stuck in the why mes that I went to St Judes and went to the cancer ward and I thought it would real sorrowful. Well, I did cry for those kids and I did get strength from them as well. I played x box with them and conversated with these kids, and I was truely greatful for all I do have in life. But you will also see that they too are feeling as sick as you are too. Go and get grateful because alot of those kids have little to no chance of even seeing their next birthday. you can do this you know. god bless you Im praying for you too0
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