Tomorrow

creampuff91344 said:

Finished with Radiation
Lynn, I will always remember when I returned home after my last radiation treatment, and within four hours my house looked like a florist. Seems that everyone felt this was it for me as far as recovery was concerned, and sent flowers to send me on my next path. Most all of the cards read something like, "Glad this is over, and we look forward to getting you back on the road". Well, needless to say, I felt the same....I would walk out of radiation, and immediately feel better, and be up and going right away. That was October 27th. Nearly three months later, I am still feeling the effects of all of the treatment, and have yet to be on that "road" I heard so much about. In December my oncologist told me that it would take up to a year from the beginning of chemo treatment to get back to feeling like my old self, and those words really made me feel better. You will have good days, and then you will have days when the best thing you do for yourself is a nap mid-day. Good luck on your journey ahead, and hopefully it will be a smooth ride for you. Just be patient, and don't feel you have to do anything that someone else thinks you should be doing. This is your journey and should be taken at your pace.

Sending hugs your way.

Judy

"Get it"
Lynn, I had my last day of radiation on October 8. I cried harder then than when I heard about my diagnosis. I had more mixed emotions that I'm sure only us can imagine. My treatments were always before I went into work. When I went in that day my best friend seemed hurt when I didn't didn't take her up on her lunch offer. I took the raincheck and went a couple of days later only to see that she had invited several in the office to "surprise" me. I never felt more alone or wanted to be more invisible. There was no way that they could understand that I wasn't seeing this as a celebration or battle won. This was only the end of having that daily tangible thing that I was doing something to keep my body safe. Now is the scary part of jumping and taking that leap of faith. I wasn't prepared for the longer lasting effects of the radiation. I had expanders put in at the time of my double mas. I thought that after the radiation I'd be moving on rather quickly to get rid of these uncomfortable things and get the implants. How wrong. The drs. prefer to wait one month for every week of radiation I had before proceeding. (Anyone else have this suggestion?) HAving been living day to day with treatments, appointments, hearing 7 months of wait is devasting to me. I've now gone 10 weeks without an appointment and start them all up again next week for check-ups. This also brings mixed feelings. "Glad to see you all, but this isn't really ever over is it?" I have no answers for you but plenty of understanding. This is a great place to come when you just need someone to "get it".

EveningStar2 said:

I'm back! The surgery went

I'm back! The surgery went well but if I *never* have a needle placed in my breast under mammography again, it will be too soon. Let me explain. I had microcalifications so they were going to put in a wire to mark the clip because we don't really want the surgeon fishing around trying to find it. Makes sense to me. Well, they used no local, compressed the hell out of me and put 2 needles in to mark both ends of the field and fed the wires thru the needles. I just sat there and cried.

But the folks in day surgery were kind--actually the mammo tech was a nice lady but fussy and was grating on me. And the surgery went as planned--I had a lumpectomy, no nodes. My breast is noticible smaller but that's OK, it's still there and it was the larger of the two. I know nothing of margins but I assume the were clean or it would be gone. I have an appointment on the 29th.

Maureen

Glad that's over
Oh, the pain! It brings back memories of the injections I received around my nipple prior to my sentinel node dissection. It's over now, Maureen. What a warrior you are!

EveningStar2 said:

I'm back! The surgery went

I'm back! The surgery went well but if I *never* have a needle placed in my breast under mammography again, it will be too soon. Let me explain. I had microcalifications so they were going to put in a wire to mark the clip because we don't really want the surgeon fishing around trying to find it. Makes sense to me. Well, they used no local, compressed the hell out of me and put 2 needles in to mark both ends of the field and fed the wires thru the needles. I just sat there and cried.

But the folks in day surgery were kind--actually the mammo tech was a nice lady but fussy and was grating on me. And the surgery went as planned--I had a lumpectomy, no nodes. My breast is noticible smaller but that's OK, it's still there and it was the larger of the two. I know nothing of margins but I assume the were clean or it would be gone. I have an appointment on the 29th.

Maureen

Glad it is over for you.
I am glad that this part is over. I also had the wires put in for my bilateral lumpectomies. For mine, they numbed the area (the shots stung a little) so I didn't feel much but tugging and the compression. I sat in a big chair while they did it because it takes some time to one, let alone two, and some women get light headed and we know that fainting while your breast is mashed and trapped in compression would be bad. I am so sorry that they didn't numb you first. I know that different facilities do it differently. I had my shots for the sentinel node biopsy about 45 minutes before they did the wires and they didn't numb for that and while the pain was a short duration (several sticks around the nipple) it was fairly intense. I had read that some facilities numb the area topically for that and some even use a lidocaine injection but many do not because they feel it slows the dye etc from travelling to the node. My facility feels that is the case so no pre-numbing. They have you massage the area after to help the dye flow. After I had the wires inserted I had to stop massaging. My doctor likes the needles left in with the wire so instead of them taping down the excess wire, I had caps put on the needles, sterile gauze put over the caps and around the area and to ensure that nothing was bumped they taped styrefoam coffee cups over each cap. Because they were so close to the nipples, I looked like Madonna in her video. I put my hospital gown back on and when they wheeled me out to my husband to go over to surgery, we both were laughing at how I looked. Someone in the hall was staring as I wheeled by and I told my hubby that they probably thought it was a augmentation job gone wrong. So more laughing. I am sure the surgical staff was concerned that they had a patient that was about to have 2 lumpectomies that was in some kind of hysterical mode. But it lightened the moment for me and my hubby. While it was not the most horrible experience doing the wire insertion etc. I hope not to have to repeat it any time soon. But like so many things during this journey it can be done and it is soon past.
Stef

Lynnsom said:

thanks a million times
I SO appreciate ALL of your words of wisdom! I seem to be in a yucky depression now. Hopefully this too shall pass.

From the other Lynn
Hi Lynn. I jumped right from radiation into a yucky depression, too. Everyone thought I was so strong, including me. I guess it's my cross to learn humility. So right when rads were done, when people asked "When do you want to celebrate?" all I could answer was, "I don't feel like celebrating...I'll let you know."

I had done a study which I took to the State Dept. of Ed (right as rads were about finished) to discuss with the Math and Gifted Ed. folks and the resource person there said, "You know, this could be the beginning of a PHD thesis. Now that you're done with treatment, this is a good time to start." All I could think of was "Lady, you have no idea."

That was last October. Now I am starting to have more good days. I see a counselor, am on antidepressants, try to exercise, take vitamins, and I eat healthier. I talk on the phone and come to this Board a lot. I have definitely lowered my standards as far as housekeeping is concerned. If I let myself get tired, hungry, or thirsty I don't do well.

Take good care of yourself. It does get better. Accept all the help that's offered.

Lynn

Lynnsom said:

I totally feel that way!
I totally feel that way! Everyone is SO happy! I feel like I 'should' feel better...although I also know I shouldn't 'should' on myself. I'm going to talk to a counselor next week. I'm a teacher and was falling apart last Thursday so took Friday off, talked to the oncologist about starting hormone therapy but he wants me to feel better emotionally before I start the dang drugs. So first the cancer messes with my body and now it is messing with my head.
I find myself not even really wanting to have many conversations with friends who say, "You need to get over this."
Despite all that I just wrote, I did seem to have a better day today.
Thanks so much, Lynn.
Lynn

Weird advice
I've gotten weird advice from friends too...like "just give yourself 20 minutes a day to dwell on your cancer. Then get on with your life." I wish! But there are good days and better days. I feel like my days are getting better and better. I am glad that today is a better day for you. It's good to cry and process some of that grief, too. Here's to a blue sky day tomorrow. Lynn