after breast cancer treatment

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  • peggy65
    peggy65 Member Posts: 100
    #22
    Yes, i am having a hard time
    Yes, i am having a hard time letting go. i have no energy and it is like i can't handle anything. i know what you say is true and i am trying but some days i am much better at it than others. and i know that i am just being hard on myself. you know when i think about it, i have look at my identity before cancer. i have always been the person that organized things, gave advice etc. you know the drill. there are times when i feel absolutely useless like i am not contributing anything to myself or anybody. i know that i am depressed and i am being treated with antidepressants and that is slowly helping me dig out of the hole. i am not used to people helping me, i am used to helping people. i know it would be much easier on me if i stopped trying to regain my old self and began to embrace the new me. actually doing it successfully is another story. i appreciate the feedback and suppport. thanks. peggy
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #23
    peggy65 said:

    Yes, i am having a hard time
    Yes, i am having a hard time letting go. i have no energy and it is like i can't handle anything. i know what you say is true and i am trying but some days i am much better at it than others. and i know that i am just being hard on myself. you know when i think about it, i have look at my identity before cancer. i have always been the person that organized things, gave advice etc. you know the drill. there are times when i feel absolutely useless like i am not contributing anything to myself or anybody. i know that i am depressed and i am being treated with antidepressants and that is slowly helping me dig out of the hole. i am not used to people helping me, i am used to helping people. i know it would be much easier on me if i stopped trying to regain my old self and began to embrace the new me. actually doing it successfully is another story. i appreciate the feedback and suppport. thanks. peggy

    Struggling
    What I am struggling with sounds so much like your struggle. I too am trying to dig out of the hole with anti-depressants, but it doesn't feel like they are working. The fatigue feels overwhelming at times. I want to just lay down (lie down?)and sleep, but then I am beset by anxiety of all the chores left undone, the months of dust, job obligations... Stress just overwhelms me - please, don't give me anything new, I can't even handle the routine everyday stuff! Then dealing with all the changes - lymphedema massage, wearing a sleeve, seeing a physical therapist, lots of doctor appointments, financial obligations, new medicine, and medicine to counteract the negative effects of the new medicine, changing my diet, working on meditation, praying for answers and guidance, exercising when I don't want to move... The guilt too, of being a taker and not a giver.

    OK, take a breath. Just live in this moment. Is this moment OK? What can I be thankful for in this moment? When will I get the ground back beneath my feet?

    I know that this post isn't an uplifting one. But, Peggy, you are not alone. And again, my hope and faith comes from the reassurances from people like KathyM and others that this does get better.
  • peggy65
    peggy65 Member Posts: 100
    #24
    lynn1950 said:

    Struggling
    What I am struggling with sounds so much like your struggle. I too am trying to dig out of the hole with anti-depressants, but it doesn't feel like they are working. The fatigue feels overwhelming at times. I want to just lay down (lie down?)and sleep, but then I am beset by anxiety of all the chores left undone, the months of dust, job obligations... Stress just overwhelms me - please, don't give me anything new, I can't even handle the routine everyday stuff! Then dealing with all the changes - lymphedema massage, wearing a sleeve, seeing a physical therapist, lots of doctor appointments, financial obligations, new medicine, and medicine to counteract the negative effects of the new medicine, changing my diet, working on meditation, praying for answers and guidance, exercising when I don't want to move... The guilt too, of being a taker and not a giver.

    OK, take a breath. Just live in this moment. Is this moment OK? What can I be thankful for in this moment? When will I get the ground back beneath my feet?

    I know that this post isn't an uplifting one. But, Peggy, you are not alone. And again, my hope and faith comes from the reassurances from people like KathyM and others that this does get better.

    yes, this is very difficult.
    yes, this is very difficult. my husband went for a prostate biopsy on tuesday and then later that day we had to put our yellow lab down because she had a stroke. what a day. i am very concerned about him as you can well imagine. we are both still struggling with my cancer, finished treatment in march. i am so sick of being sick and tired. now we may have to start the process all over again if the biopsy is positive. i am trying to "go with it" but it is hard. i am hoping that you are feeling better. hugs and blessings, peggy
  • peggy65
    peggy65 Member Posts: 100
    #25
    KathiM said:

    Give yourself some BIG hugs...
    ...and some time. Cancer treatment is designed to 'kick butt' as many have said. One of my chemo nurses summed it up: "We take you to the edge, and then bring you back, hopefully in the process, killing all the bad cells, and saving the good ones".

    As far as reinventing...well, yes, you are a different person. Wiser. Stronger. All that good stuff. You have faced a life-threating illness and prevailed!!! That is more than many will ever say in their lives.

    I'm sitting almost 3 years out from any treatment. I got the 2-fer, stage III rectal followed by stage II breast cancer...and I can tell you that I'm starting to live life large now! I took a trip to Turkey, just got back from 3 weeks in Holland, and am looking at a cruise of eastern Europe in May.

    My point? Your energy WILL return, but you need to take care of yourself NOW!

    Hugs, Kathi

    thanks cathy, i know that
    thanks cathy, i know that everything will be better but just getting to that point is such a challenge. and of course i am worried about my husband. he had his biopsy on tuesday so we will hope for the best. we have just had to offer this one up. both of us are really spent. i really appreciate everything that you have said. peggy
  • peggy65
    peggy65 Member Posts: 100
    #26
    lynn1950 said:

    Struggling
    What I am struggling with sounds so much like your struggle. I too am trying to dig out of the hole with anti-depressants, but it doesn't feel like they are working. The fatigue feels overwhelming at times. I want to just lay down (lie down?)and sleep, but then I am beset by anxiety of all the chores left undone, the months of dust, job obligations... Stress just overwhelms me - please, don't give me anything new, I can't even handle the routine everyday stuff! Then dealing with all the changes - lymphedema massage, wearing a sleeve, seeing a physical therapist, lots of doctor appointments, financial obligations, new medicine, and medicine to counteract the negative effects of the new medicine, changing my diet, working on meditation, praying for answers and guidance, exercising when I don't want to move... The guilt too, of being a taker and not a giver.

    OK, take a breath. Just live in this moment. Is this moment OK? What can I be thankful for in this moment? When will I get the ground back beneath my feet?

    I know that this post isn't an uplifting one. But, Peggy, you are not alone. And again, my hope and faith comes from the reassurances from people like KathyM and others that this does get better.

    we sound very much alike. i
    we sound very much alike. i have the guilts, the tiredness. i still can't do that much which surprises me, but as you say, live in the moment. when i do that it is much easier to focus on other things. i just have to keep working on it. and yes, i am beginning to see that i am different than i used to be. i am slowing down and telling myself it is ok to take a rest on the couch. i never could do that before cancer. so there are some benefits to this disease. i guess that if you take the time to listen to yourself things can happen for the best. we'll make it! peggy
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #27
    peggy65 said:

    we sound very much alike. i
    we sound very much alike. i have the guilts, the tiredness. i still can't do that much which surprises me, but as you say, live in the moment. when i do that it is much easier to focus on other things. i just have to keep working on it. and yes, i am beginning to see that i am different than i used to be. i am slowing down and telling myself it is ok to take a rest on the couch. i never could do that before cancer. so there are some benefits to this disease. i guess that if you take the time to listen to yourself things can happen for the best. we'll make it! peggy

    Broke my toe
    Peggy - I broke my toe a couple of weeks ago and had to go in today to see if it was healing OK. The nurse who took the X-ray is a neighbor (I live in a rural area outside of a very small town) and she knows that I have been in tx for cancer, so she asked me how I was doing and I said OK, but tired. She asked, "Depressed?" "Anxious?" I shook my head "yes" and she said that is what she hears from other women with cancer, too. That for many women, the social and emotional part is the hardest. Then she left the room and came back with a little velvet sack which she gave to me with a hug. Inside the sack were silver inspiration stones engraved with, well, inspiration in English and Chinese. Words like "strength," and "peace," and "hope." There is so much kindness and good in the world!

    There are so many changes to adjust to! Cancer is tiring just because of that. I listen to relaxation tapes to help me to learn to be more flexible and just let go. Remember Pandora's box? Pandora let all the evil out of the box and into the world. The last thing to fly out of Pandora's box was hope.

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