The Pull Between Letting It Go And The Blame Game.
Comments
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Blueroses,
I tend to do the
Blueroses,
I tend to do the same thing about the demise of my marriage, which in many ways was more traumatic for me than the 3 cancer diagnoses. Some days I just get bogged down in the could-a, should-a, would-a of it all. And then other days I can just accept that it happened and even count the blessings that came out of it all (eventually). Like you saying you are still HERE. That is a huge plus. And you worked hard for it and you deserve to be able to enjoy still being here. But then you got all these health 'left-overs' that keep you from having a good time. It's one of the great ironies of life. I don't have any great words of wisdom, just wanted to say I understand on some level and hope that helps a tad.0 -
letting it go and the blame game
Hi Blueroses
Yep I play that game~sometimes daily and did not even realize I was. How do you let go?
Like chemo brain... forgetful me... blame it on chemo.... LOL. I am not into asking 'why me" or that sort of thing... because I have seen too many people who have had cancer and I know that I am just one of millions. But I do think that any ache or pain or difference I am feeling is due to the cancer. I have had at least one scare already and know that I will have more... how do you, yourself, let go? Hugs, Pnktopaz100 -
Feel like a ping-pong ball sometimes...Pnktopaz10 said:letting it go and the blame game
Hi Blueroses
Yep I play that game~sometimes daily and did not even realize I was. How do you let go?
Like chemo brain... forgetful me... blame it on chemo.... LOL. I am not into asking 'why me" or that sort of thing... because I have seen too many people who have had cancer and I know that I am just one of millions. But I do think that any ache or pain or difference I am feeling is due to the cancer. I have had at least one scare already and know that I will have more... how do you, yourself, let go? Hugs, Pnktopaz10
Just went through the same thing; frustrated about side-effects, docs not being totally forthcoming or even just giving info in small doses so I'm not overwhelmed. I have so many mets, so many side-effects but, I have all of you and a great family that I love and that's the only way I get through the really bad days. Dwelling on neuropathy or fatigue or arthritis is natural... you feel like s*** and you see everything and everybody in a negative way. Human nature is what it is and that's why God let us know he was here and he gave us each other to lift up and encourage.
I am always so humbled by the love and concern of all of you, with all of the tremendous pain and challenges you face and yet you take the time to cheer us up and pray for us . That is God in action, that is faith, that is the way to let go and lean on all of us!
Peace my dear friends,
Hollyberry0 -
If I hadn't had this done or that done........
I didn't want the complete hysterectomy (I wish they could have just taken the ovaries and tumors) but I wouldn't be sitting here right now at my keyboard! Ovarian cancer spreads so easily, all you need is a cell or two. I assume many cancers are like that. And if I had just had the surgery and not the chemo, that would not have been enough either. The doctor can't possibly get every single cancer cell out. At the time, I had a 12 year old daughter at home waiting for me. Being the only parent in her life, where would she have gone to live? However, I have my limits. If my doctor told me he needed to take my bowells out because the cancer had spread there and I would have to wear a bag, I would probably say "NO." The quality of my life has changed because of the hysterectomy (I gave up dating) but I would imagine wearing a bag would make my life almost impossible. And if I had to have radiation and I knew ahead of time no hair on my head would grow back, I would hesitate about that sort of treatment also. I still want to have some quality of life if I am going to remain here on this earth for awhile. But everyone has their own criteria for the limits they would allow like how much pain or dissability to accept before crying UNCLE! And some doctors don't really give you a choice of treatments--it's their way or the highway.0 -
You do what you have toDreamdove said:If I hadn't had this done or that done........
I didn't want the complete hysterectomy (I wish they could have just taken the ovaries and tumors) but I wouldn't be sitting here right now at my keyboard! Ovarian cancer spreads so easily, all you need is a cell or two. I assume many cancers are like that. And if I had just had the surgery and not the chemo, that would not have been enough either. The doctor can't possibly get every single cancer cell out. At the time, I had a 12 year old daughter at home waiting for me. Being the only parent in her life, where would she have gone to live? However, I have my limits. If my doctor told me he needed to take my bowells out because the cancer had spread there and I would have to wear a bag, I would probably say "NO." The quality of my life has changed because of the hysterectomy (I gave up dating) but I would imagine wearing a bag would make my life almost impossible. And if I had to have radiation and I knew ahead of time no hair on my head would grow back, I would hesitate about that sort of treatment also. I still want to have some quality of life if I am going to remain here on this earth for awhile. But everyone has their own criteria for the limits they would allow like how much pain or dissability to accept before crying UNCLE! And some doctors don't really give you a choice of treatments--it's their way or the highway.
Dove,
I didn't want my bowel resected or a colostomy either, but I had to do that and many other surgeries. I had 2 nasty chemos and am still going through a nasty clinical trial (round 9 and the neuropathy is killin' me). Like you, I wanted to finish raising my family and spend some more time with my husband and friends. Quality of life is important, longevity is 2nd to that but it is a very personal decision. My colostomy was not that hard to get used to; I only spend 45 minutes a day irrigating it and am stool free for 2 days. No biggie. Having to quit a job that I loved was harder! I now have so many mets and so many side-effects that I weigh that choice nearly everyday; It's just gotten to that point. I may quit the clinical trial and just spend my last days enjoying my family and friends- that choice is necessary at some point for me. I hope all of you fare better and my prayers are always with you. As far as the docs go, they don't get to make those choices for you, and don't ever let them make you think they do.It's always your choice; ifthey don't listen to you, find another one! Some of them do have that God complex, but we don't have to put up with it. Your life is too precious to be bullied! You are such a wonderful girl and I really hope you don't let a doc push you around. You do what's best for you and your daughter and sleep well knowing that you made the best decisions for you.
Much love,
hollyberry0 -
Yup MeToozahalene said:Blueroses,
I tend to do the
Blueroses,
I tend to do the same thing about the demise of my marriage, which in many ways was more traumatic for me than the 3 cancer diagnoses. Some days I just get bogged down in the could-a, should-a, would-a of it all. And then other days I can just accept that it happened and even count the blessings that came out of it all (eventually). Like you saying you are still HERE. That is a huge plus. And you worked hard for it and you deserve to be able to enjoy still being here. But then you got all these health 'left-overs' that keep you from having a good time. It's one of the great ironies of life. I don't have any great words of wisdom, just wanted to say I understand on some level and hope that helps a tad.
Hey Zah, Actually I do the same thing about the demise of my marriage as well and more often than the cancer diagnosis too. lol. Funny you would say that. That's a whole other thing but certainly does apply to this post as well, somedays you want to let it go and then the blame game starts. We as survivors have way more in common than just the physical aspects of cancer, that's for sure. It has many reprocusions some of us have in common like divorce and the emotions that that delivers. The fun just never ends does it? lol.0 -
Unconsciously MostlyPnktopaz10 said:letting it go and the blame game
Hi Blueroses
Yep I play that game~sometimes daily and did not even realize I was. How do you let go?
Like chemo brain... forgetful me... blame it on chemo.... LOL. I am not into asking 'why me" or that sort of thing... because I have seen too many people who have had cancer and I know that I am just one of millions. But I do think that any ache or pain or difference I am feeling is due to the cancer. I have had at least one scare already and know that I will have more... how do you, yourself, let go? Hugs, Pnktopaz10
A lot of the times when I 'let it go' it is mostly from being exhausted from blaming this and then and I simply need a rest so I let go to give myself a rest. lol. I know that sounds silly but it seems to be like that. I guess it's the body trying to give you a break by steering you to the answer to let go, too much blaming and in the end it does feel better to let go doesn't it? I think that's the key, listen to that small voice inside - it always has the answer. We busy ourselves so much we don't take the time to quiet ourselves so we can't hear that little voice, guiding us. That's why meditation is so important - it quiets us, I wish I would get back in the habit of doing it, it really tunes you in to your highest self. Holding on to anything negative like blame or guilt or anger never makes you feel well if you notice. If you just try letting those things go, even for a minute you will see how good that one minute feels. I guess we can start with a minute and build up from there. With meditation that helps to do that more easily. Just simply focusing on your breathing for a minute then two then three a day and being quiet with yourself will open up a more peaceful existance and will allow the answers to come through. I truly believe that. Blessings, Blueroses.0 -
Yup This Ties Inhollyberry said:Feel like a ping-pong ball sometimes...
Just went through the same thing; frustrated about side-effects, docs not being totally forthcoming or even just giving info in small doses so I'm not overwhelmed. I have so many mets, so many side-effects but, I have all of you and a great family that I love and that's the only way I get through the really bad days. Dwelling on neuropathy or fatigue or arthritis is natural... you feel like s*** and you see everything and everybody in a negative way. Human nature is what it is and that's why God let us know he was here and he gave us each other to lift up and encourage.
I am always so humbled by the love and concern of all of you, with all of the tremendous pain and challenges you face and yet you take the time to cheer us up and pray for us . That is God in action, that is faith, that is the way to let go and lean on all of us!
Peace my dear friends,
Hollyberry
Hey Holly, This post of yours ties in nicely with my last post here about tuning in to your innermost self through meditation, or prayer, whichever works for you. I believe God is constantly sending us the answers we seek, we are just too busy and loud to hear that little voice within. I truly believe that all the answers we seek are within ourselves. Also through giving to others we find healing for ourselves as well. Take care of you, Blueroses.0 -
LimitsDreamdove said:If I hadn't had this done or that done........
I didn't want the complete hysterectomy (I wish they could have just taken the ovaries and tumors) but I wouldn't be sitting here right now at my keyboard! Ovarian cancer spreads so easily, all you need is a cell or two. I assume many cancers are like that. And if I had just had the surgery and not the chemo, that would not have been enough either. The doctor can't possibly get every single cancer cell out. At the time, I had a 12 year old daughter at home waiting for me. Being the only parent in her life, where would she have gone to live? However, I have my limits. If my doctor told me he needed to take my bowells out because the cancer had spread there and I would have to wear a bag, I would probably say "NO." The quality of my life has changed because of the hysterectomy (I gave up dating) but I would imagine wearing a bag would make my life almost impossible. And if I had to have radiation and I knew ahead of time no hair on my head would grow back, I would hesitate about that sort of treatment also. I still want to have some quality of life if I am going to remain here on this earth for awhile. But everyone has their own criteria for the limits they would allow like how much pain or dissability to accept before crying UNCLE! And some doctors don't really give you a choice of treatments--it's their way or the highway.
Hey Dream, Yes, everyone does have their limits. Also too I think that depending on the stage we are at in the cancer treatment plan we would probably make different decisions depending on the stage. When we are first told of the diagnosis and asked about treatment options we might make certain decisions of what we might take and what we might not as opposed to on a recurrance, after a certain amount of time has passed, where we have experienced more side effects and more treatments. I know when I was first diagnosed I had two very young children at home and I decided that I had to do whatever it took to buy myself extra years to be there for them until they were old enough to care for themselves. That gift was granted to me. We all do what is right for us, there is no right and wrong, just personal choices for personal reasons. I agree with Holly though in that you should never let a doc make a decision for you, it should always be your decision in the end wherever it is humanly possible.
This all too depends on the person and how they handle medical interventions, many of us have gotten hypersenstive to many procedures as we have had just too many. That governs our decisions too on further treatment plans for us. All the best Dream, Blueroses0 -
Absolutelyblueroses said:Yup This Ties In
Hey Holly, This post of yours ties in nicely with my last post here about tuning in to your innermost self through meditation, or prayer, whichever works for you. I believe God is constantly sending us the answers we seek, we are just too busy and loud to hear that little voice within. I truly believe that all the answers we seek are within ourselves. Also through giving to others we find healing for ourselves as well. Take care of you, Blueroses.
In giving we receive; I firmly believe that if we step outside of our pain and frustration to help others, we feel so much better. I know it's true for me and I know when you take the time to comfort and pray for me, that I do feel better.God gave us this gift of community and we can only gain from sharing our experiences and our love for each other and humanity, as a whole.
When I was struggling the past couple of weeks, knowing I had bone mets and the neuropathy was getting so bad, I spent some time here with all of you and felt so good that I actually colored the fuzz that's growing back! That was an awesome day!! I let go of my worries and anger and left it all in God's hands. I knew my friends were praying for me and that's all I needed!
So keep up the positive thoughts and we'll all get through this together.
Love,
Hol0 -
Right You Arehollyberry said:Absolutely
In giving we receive; I firmly believe that if we step outside of our pain and frustration to help others, we feel so much better. I know it's true for me and I know when you take the time to comfort and pray for me, that I do feel better.God gave us this gift of community and we can only gain from sharing our experiences and our love for each other and humanity, as a whole.
When I was struggling the past couple of weeks, knowing I had bone mets and the neuropathy was getting so bad, I spent some time here with all of you and felt so good that I actually colored the fuzz that's growing back! That was an awesome day!! I let go of my worries and anger and left it all in God's hands. I knew my friends were praying for me and that's all I needed!
So keep up the positive thoughts and we'll all get through this together.
Love,
Hol
We will all get through this together. Hugs Holly, Blueroses0 -
Doing the right thing for you and your familyhollyberry said:You do what you have to
Dove,
I didn't want my bowel resected or a colostomy either, but I had to do that and many other surgeries. I had 2 nasty chemos and am still going through a nasty clinical trial (round 9 and the neuropathy is killin' me). Like you, I wanted to finish raising my family and spend some more time with my husband and friends. Quality of life is important, longevity is 2nd to that but it is a very personal decision. My colostomy was not that hard to get used to; I only spend 45 minutes a day irrigating it and am stool free for 2 days. No biggie. Having to quit a job that I loved was harder! I now have so many mets and so many side-effects that I weigh that choice nearly everyday; It's just gotten to that point. I may quit the clinical trial and just spend my last days enjoying my family and friends- that choice is necessary at some point for me. I hope all of you fare better and my prayers are always with you. As far as the docs go, they don't get to make those choices for you, and don't ever let them make you think they do.It's always your choice; ifthey don't listen to you, find another one! Some of them do have that God complex, but we don't have to put up with it. Your life is too precious to be bullied! You are such a wonderful girl and I really hope you don't let a doc push you around. You do what's best for you and your daughter and sleep well knowing that you made the best decisions for you.
Much love,
hollyberry
Hi hollyberry, so glad to hear your opinion on how much to take before crying UNCLE. It's a personal decision each person must reach themselves. Thanks also for the perspective on the colostomy bag. I worked with a girl many years ago that wore one and I could see what she went thru in her life because of it. Just before my surgery for ovarian cancer, my doctor said he might have to do a bowel resectioning and I would wake up with a bag. I said "no" but he said he would not do any surgery then. He is the only gynelogical oncologist in my area and a fantastic doctor--I owe my life to him. But I did feel I had to go along with what he wanted. I've been in remission for 20 months, although I do have to go in for a re-do paptest because of some abnormal cells showing up and someone tipping over the speciment last week on the way to the lab. I almost decided not to get it done again but if those abnormal cells do turn out to be more serious, then maybe it can be caught before it spreads too far. Luckily, I woke up with no bag because the cancer hadn't spread to the bowels. I would have had to quit my job and I don't know what else I would have done to support myself and my daughter. Anyway, sorry to hear that you are nearing the point in which you may have to make a decision how much farther to take this. It's too bad there aren't many alternative treatments for you but you are right to spend as much time as possible with your family. It always comes down to feeling you are doing the right thing for you and them.0 -
I still remember the last time I saw my brother alive,
and regret that I did not hug him and tell him how important he was to me, thinking that this would have changed his mind about taking his own life. However, I know in my mind that he had already made his decision which is why he appeared so at peace.
Yesterday, I found the lids for the the set of Corning-glass cook-wear that I had accused my mother of throwing away, now feeling guilty for making the accusation. However, she had given away my father's power-tools and my collection of coffee mugs, was elderly and had lost a son to suicide, and hadn't I done some pretty goofy things myself?
I often blame my period of excessive drinking, following my brother's death, for my present digestive problems. But, WTF, I found my "little shadow" at the end of an electric cord, after our father's stroke, after my divorce, and after my battle with cancer, who ever wrote the instruction manual on how to deal with that litany of "challenges"?
A former girlfriend once said, "You just do what you do to survive", whatever that may involve. Guilt and self-blame are just wasted energy.
Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!
Rick0 -
"We do the best with ........terato said:I still remember the last time I saw my brother alive,
and regret that I did not hug him and tell him how important he was to me, thinking that this would have changed his mind about taking his own life. However, I know in my mind that he had already made his decision which is why he appeared so at peace.
Yesterday, I found the lids for the the set of Corning-glass cook-wear that I had accused my mother of throwing away, now feeling guilty for making the accusation. However, she had given away my father's power-tools and my collection of coffee mugs, was elderly and had lost a son to suicide, and hadn't I done some pretty goofy things myself?
I often blame my period of excessive drinking, following my brother's death, for my present digestive problems. But, WTF, I found my "little shadow" at the end of an electric cord, after our father's stroke, after my divorce, and after my battle with cancer, who ever wrote the instruction manual on how to deal with that litany of "challenges"?
A former girlfriend once said, "You just do what you do to survive", whatever that may involve. Guilt and self-blame are just wasted energy.
Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!
Rick
"We do the best we can with what we know" (at any given moment), and that really can help us deal with any blame and guilt we put upon ourselves or feel about whatever it is we wrestle with. As we go through life we pick up knowledge that alters the way we behave and feel and looking back, yup we may well have done different if we were in the same predicament today. BUT whatever happened before that 'ah ha' moment comes, as Oprah calls them, we do the best with what we know at that point. And yup, I agree totally, we do what we do to survive - it's an individual decision no doubt about it. All the best, Blueroses0 -
When I read "Had I known, I wouldn't have done it", I sigh.blueroses said:"We do the best with ........
"We do the best we can with what we know" (at any given moment), and that really can help us deal with any blame and guilt we put upon ourselves or feel about whatever it is we wrestle with. As we go through life we pick up knowledge that alters the way we behave and feel and looking back, yup we may well have done different if we were in the same predicament today. BUT whatever happened before that 'ah ha' moment comes, as Oprah calls them, we do the best with what we know at that point. And yup, I agree totally, we do what we do to survive - it's an individual decision no doubt about it. All the best, Blueroses
I am currently in treatment for a very aggressive recurrent Stage III-C cancer, and it is my nature to research every aspect of my disease and and every side effect of the treatments I am having and the other treatments that are scheduled for me after my chemo. With my type of cancer, you have to really be VERY aggressive from the get-go, because the 5-year survical rate once it re-occurs is 0 to 5%. I read the posts of women who have had the same internal radiation I am to have this April and May, saying "Had I known I would have this scar tissue, these life-long side affects, etc.,,,,I would never have had this." My family would be horrified to know that I'm even considering NOT having the internal vaginal cuff radiation if my CA-125 is under 35 (normal range) and my CT-scan is NED when I finish my last round of chemo in March. Do I dare to say No to a treatment that statistically improves my chances of living awhile longer? Is it too early to say "At what cost?" to my oncologists' prescribed regime? I can bear any temporary side effects, but those that forever change your quality of life, that is a very personal decision. In the end, I will probably push on and continue the treatment regime as long as my body can stand it. But I totally support anyone who says "Enough is enough."
As for the blame game, I try not to indulge. I can't think of anyone to blame for this cancer! I've always taken such good care of my health, never heavy, never smoked, high fiber diet, at the gym every day. But sometimes, DARK times, thoughts of Karma creep in, and I review all the 'evil doings' I have ever committed in my life, worried that this is my punishment. But that's only in the blackest black of night, a rare night, thank God. .0 -
Enough is Enoughlindaprocopio said:When I read "Had I known, I wouldn't have done it", I sigh.
I am currently in treatment for a very aggressive recurrent Stage III-C cancer, and it is my nature to research every aspect of my disease and and every side effect of the treatments I am having and the other treatments that are scheduled for me after my chemo. With my type of cancer, you have to really be VERY aggressive from the get-go, because the 5-year survical rate once it re-occurs is 0 to 5%. I read the posts of women who have had the same internal radiation I am to have this April and May, saying "Had I known I would have this scar tissue, these life-long side affects, etc.,,,,I would never have had this." My family would be horrified to know that I'm even considering NOT having the internal vaginal cuff radiation if my CA-125 is under 35 (normal range) and my CT-scan is NED when I finish my last round of chemo in March. Do I dare to say No to a treatment that statistically improves my chances of living awhile longer? Is it too early to say "At what cost?" to my oncologists' prescribed regime? I can bear any temporary side effects, but those that forever change your quality of life, that is a very personal decision. In the end, I will probably push on and continue the treatment regime as long as my body can stand it. But I totally support anyone who says "Enough is enough."
As for the blame game, I try not to indulge. I can't think of anyone to blame for this cancer! I've always taken such good care of my health, never heavy, never smoked, high fiber diet, at the gym every day. But sometimes, DARK times, thoughts of Karma creep in, and I review all the 'evil doings' I have ever committed in my life, worried that this is my punishment. But that's only in the blackest black of night, a rare night, thank God. .
I totally agree and would never second guess someone who comes to that point in their treatments. Actually I was there a few months ago when I thought that the cancer had returned after 18 years with no sign of it at all. My doctor looked at me as we were discussing results and said 'you have had enough haven't you?' I said yes and she said 'I understand'. Luckily the final results came back okay but now I face another set of possible bad results and I am hesitating even going to start the look for further signs of more problems. We all have our own points when we have to make that decision, to go on or call it a day. Through all the medical interventions I have had I am always letting the nurses know what I will tolerate in even simple procedures like taking blood or running CT's as I am claustrophobic now and know what I can tolerate. Most respect my wishes.
As far as Karma and cancer being payback I like not to go there and instead I truly have always felt that cancer is more about indulging in excess than anything else. Any kind of excess - too much food, too much of the wrong foods, too much pollution, too much this and too much that. If you put too much strain on an automobile it stops running, too much stress - same deal, put too much strain on our bodies and ta da - makes sense to me. Of course there is hereditary and all kinds of other possibilities as to why but I think Karma is a black area indeed but honestly I think that many of us do go there once in awhile when we are continuously faced with ongoing medical challenges and we just want to finally scream 'okay I get it, tell me what to do right then'. I try and not go there any more than I possibly can and instead try to live as good a life as I know how. I wrote somewhere on the boards that we do all that we can with what we have learned thus far in life and if we truly buy that, which I do, then blame is greatly reduced, blame on ourselves. All the best linda. Love that picture on your profile by the way. Gorgeous. You obviously see the beauty in nature, that's healing all by itself. Hugs, Blueroses.0 -
Karma nothing to be afraid oflindaprocopio said:When I read "Had I known, I wouldn't have done it", I sigh.
I am currently in treatment for a very aggressive recurrent Stage III-C cancer, and it is my nature to research every aspect of my disease and and every side effect of the treatments I am having and the other treatments that are scheduled for me after my chemo. With my type of cancer, you have to really be VERY aggressive from the get-go, because the 5-year survical rate once it re-occurs is 0 to 5%. I read the posts of women who have had the same internal radiation I am to have this April and May, saying "Had I known I would have this scar tissue, these life-long side affects, etc.,,,,I would never have had this." My family would be horrified to know that I'm even considering NOT having the internal vaginal cuff radiation if my CA-125 is under 35 (normal range) and my CT-scan is NED when I finish my last round of chemo in March. Do I dare to say No to a treatment that statistically improves my chances of living awhile longer? Is it too early to say "At what cost?" to my oncologists' prescribed regime? I can bear any temporary side effects, but those that forever change your quality of life, that is a very personal decision. In the end, I will probably push on and continue the treatment regime as long as my body can stand it. But I totally support anyone who says "Enough is enough."
As for the blame game, I try not to indulge. I can't think of anyone to blame for this cancer! I've always taken such good care of my health, never heavy, never smoked, high fiber diet, at the gym every day. But sometimes, DARK times, thoughts of Karma creep in, and I review all the 'evil doings' I have ever committed in my life, worried that this is my punishment. But that's only in the blackest black of night, a rare night, thank God. .
My understanding of karma is that it is not a punishment. It's just learning. We choice our basic agendas before we arrive here, although changes can be made or modified. Sure, what goes around comes around but it's only for growth and understanding. Sometimes we take on more we feel we can handle. But there are always solutions to problems and we can have help whenever we want it. We just have to ask. The body can only handle so much chemicals, pollution, excess of whatever (alcohol, tobacco, drugs, stress, food, hormones) before the balance goes out of wack. It happens more as we get older, but even children sometimes get cancer. So I don't feel cancer is a punishment. There are different reasons why a person gets cancer and we are not meant to stay on this earth forever. We have other places to go and things to do!0 -
Just living and not blamingDreamdove said:Karma nothing to be afraid of
My understanding of karma is that it is not a punishment. It's just learning. We choice our basic agendas before we arrive here, although changes can be made or modified. Sure, what goes around comes around but it's only for growth and understanding. Sometimes we take on more we feel we can handle. But there are always solutions to problems and we can have help whenever we want it. We just have to ask. The body can only handle so much chemicals, pollution, excess of whatever (alcohol, tobacco, drugs, stress, food, hormones) before the balance goes out of wack. It happens more as we get older, but even children sometimes get cancer. So I don't feel cancer is a punishment. There are different reasons why a person gets cancer and we are not meant to stay on this earth forever. We have other places to go and things to do!
In 1980 the economy was bad and I went to work on a Christmas tree farm. Part of my job was spraying malathion to kill bugs and agent orange to kill brush. All of the long lasting effects were not yet known about these chemicals. They entered my nervous system and 20 years later came back to haunt me. I don't blame the employer as all the 55 gallon drums said was "do not spray within 100 feet of a stream or river". And of course wash it off your body which is hard in the middle of the woods. 8 hours later it is already under your skin. I could stay mad at many people and waste my life away. But I can't afford to waste time being angry. The side effects of chemo and radiation have taken away most of the life I knew before cancer. But as hard as it was, I would not change a thing. I am alive and between bouts of pain I can enjoy my children or a sunny day. I can put on my funny P.J's or take a walk in the woods. I can take care of my neighbor who is fighting cancer and get a hug and "I love you" before I get out the door. For many of us it took cancer to slow us down and to take a different look at life. To appreciate things that we took for granted. And we sure have a better understanding of fear, hate, anger, pain and death. None of us are better physically after cancer. But we are sure stronger emotionally as we have been pushed to limits we never dreamed of. Bless you all Slickwilly0 -
a good atitude goes a long wayslickwilly said:Just living and not blaming
In 1980 the economy was bad and I went to work on a Christmas tree farm. Part of my job was spraying malathion to kill bugs and agent orange to kill brush. All of the long lasting effects were not yet known about these chemicals. They entered my nervous system and 20 years later came back to haunt me. I don't blame the employer as all the 55 gallon drums said was "do not spray within 100 feet of a stream or river". And of course wash it off your body which is hard in the middle of the woods. 8 hours later it is already under your skin. I could stay mad at many people and waste my life away. But I can't afford to waste time being angry. The side effects of chemo and radiation have taken away most of the life I knew before cancer. But as hard as it was, I would not change a thing. I am alive and between bouts of pain I can enjoy my children or a sunny day. I can put on my funny P.J's or take a walk in the woods. I can take care of my neighbor who is fighting cancer and get a hug and "I love you" before I get out the door. For many of us it took cancer to slow us down and to take a different look at life. To appreciate things that we took for granted. And we sure have a better understanding of fear, hate, anger, pain and death. None of us are better physically after cancer. But we are sure stronger emotionally as we have been pushed to limits we never dreamed of. Bless you all Slickwilly
Slickwilly, you said it very well, much better than I could ever have expressed it. You should write a book! You have the title already: "Just Living and Not Blaming." You have every reason to be angry and yet you have a good atitude. Most of us don't know why we got cancer. We have ideas but not facts. You know why, however. All the more reason to cast blame. All you were tryng to do is earn a living when jobs were scarce. Just joking when I say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But there may be some truth in it.......0 -
AttitudeDreamdove said:a good atitude goes a long way
Slickwilly, you said it very well, much better than I could ever have expressed it. You should write a book! You have the title already: "Just Living and Not Blaming." You have every reason to be angry and yet you have a good atitude. Most of us don't know why we got cancer. We have ideas but not facts. You know why, however. All the more reason to cast blame. All you were tryng to do is earn a living when jobs were scarce. Just joking when I say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But there may be some truth in it.......
Dreamdove. Thanks. I can't even imagine what its like for Blueroses as she has delt with cancer for so long. I wish she lived close by so I could give her a hug everyday. After a couple months on this discussion board I have developed a pattern. I wake up and tell the wife and dog good morning. I turn on my computer and look for letters from you, Blueroses, Soccerfreaks, Zahalene, Terato, Pnktopaz and all the other regulars. My day would not be complete without checking in to see how everyone is doing. I never quit learning from each of you and it helps me when I help others in my local area. I doubt anyone has all the answers when It comes to cancer issues. We sure know the medical society is not up to speed on many issues. I have been blessed with a good family and many friends in my life. And I was blessed when I found all of you here. Slickwilly0
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