The Pull Between Letting It Go And The Blame Game.

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  • tonybear
    tonybear Member Posts: 90
    #62
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    blueroses said:

    Wow, great team, you are blessed indeed
    I am so happy to hear that you have a great medical team in place but if I could just ask one favour of you? SEND THE CANADIAN DOCTOR BACK. lol. Sheeesh we are losing our doctors here in Canada and we would like him/her back please. lol.

    I can relate to everything you said, as many of us can I'm sure, but one thing you said made me a little sad and that was that you have lost interest in your guitar. Music is soooooooooooooooo healing and is a great therapy. If you can force yourself to pick it up, just for a few minutes each day, I bet you would get back into it in no time. OR perhaps get some extra incentive by perhaps teaching a child how to play the guitar - that should give you the goal you need in getting back to playing. I wish I could play an instrument. I played piano as a child but of course fought my parents tooth and nail to stop the lessons as I grew up and became more sociable - wish I had continued now.

    Take care, thanks for sharing, and I hope next time you write you will have picked up that guitar again and started to play once more. Blessings, Blueroses.

    blueroses
    i will reconsider the guitar thing. what is strange (maybe or a god thing) my 18 yr old has started to play the guitar so i will sit and show him things. i heard him banging away the other night while i was trying to sleep. he is playing my cowboy guitar, when i was learing i had an electric. no wonder my dad got upset, mine was amplified. i smiled and rolled over to try and sleep. i love music, even play in church, but i play for the spanish service. what's funny, i don't speak spanish, but music is music so i play the chord charts. life can be funny at times. some parents push the kids to play, mine tried to stop me. i know why, it was the jimmy hendrix at midnight.
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    #63
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    blbelzer said:

    Hope you're all still out there
    Hi,I've just discovered this site and the posts, but I see there hasn't been much activity lately.

    I was recently diagnosed with mestasized RCC and am reaching out to as many resources as I can find. I've gone through radiation surgery, removal of my kidney and two hellish weeks of Interferon. I'm now on Avastaini and Temsirolimus and am in the hospital trying to regain some of the strength that was sucked out of me by the Interferon.

    I would love to hear from people in my similar circumstance, namely undergoing treatment, coping with the emotional stress. And hope for life to come. Like all of you, I want to beat the odds!

    Here is a group addressing your specific diagnosis!
    blbelzer,

    This one seems a lot like CSN, only RCC-specific!

    Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer) Support Group:
    http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Renal-Cell-Carcinoma-Kidney-Cancer/support-group

    Hope it helps!

    Love and Courage!

    Rick
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #64
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    tonybear said:

    blueroses
    i will reconsider the guitar thing. what is strange (maybe or a god thing) my 18 yr old has started to play the guitar so i will sit and show him things. i heard him banging away the other night while i was trying to sleep. he is playing my cowboy guitar, when i was learing i had an electric. no wonder my dad got upset, mine was amplified. i smiled and rolled over to try and sleep. i love music, even play in church, but i play for the spanish service. what's funny, i don't speak spanish, but music is music so i play the chord charts. life can be funny at times. some parents push the kids to play, mine tried to stop me. i know why, it was the jimmy hendrix at midnight.

    Yup that would do it alright
    Jimmy Hendrix at midnight could well be a stretch, even for music lovers when they are trying to sleep. lol. I hope you do reconsider starting to play again and with your son wanting to learn - great opportunity to get back into it. Music is so healing. Have a Happy Easter, Blueroses.
  • tonybear
    tonybear Member Posts: 90
    #65
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    blueroses said:

    Yup that would do it alright
    Jimmy Hendrix at midnight could well be a stretch, even for music lovers when they are trying to sleep. lol. I hope you do reconsider starting to play again and with your son wanting to learn - great opportunity to get back into it. Music is so healing. Have a Happy Easter, Blueroses.

    martha blueroses stewart
    thanks for the encouragement. i just read what you posted about 3 minutes ago. you have a great easter. no chasing the bunny for extra eggs. tony
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #66
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    tonybear said:

    martha blueroses stewart
    thanks for the encouragement. i just read what you posted about 3 minutes ago. you have a great easter. no chasing the bunny for extra eggs. tony

    My chasing days are over, lol
    If I could crawl after the bunny and he would stand still I might have a chance of catching him but I'm guessing that won't happen. lol. Aww what the heck, my hips don't need the extra eggs anywho. lol. Have a great Easter. Blueroses.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #67
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    terato said:

    Here is a group addressing your specific diagnosis!
    blbelzer,

    This one seems a lot like CSN, only RCC-specific!

    Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer) Support Group:
    http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Renal-Cell-Carcinoma-Kidney-Cancer/support-group

    Hope it helps!

    Love and Courage!

    Rick

    Good Luck to you all
    GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU WHO BELIEVE...........I Don't..........God only gives you whAT YOU CAN COPE WITH (gOD GAVE ME CANCER?)...........i HATE THAT GUY ALREADY!
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #68
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    tasha_111 said:

    Good Luck to you all
    GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU WHO BELIEVE...........I Don't..........God only gives you whAT YOU CAN COPE WITH (gOD GAVE ME CANCER?)...........i HATE THAT GUY ALREADY!

    Tasha, let me share a true personal story with you please.
    I am not going to even try to understand how you feel because no one can truly understand what goes on in another person's mind, and for what reasons, but I can tell you that what you said really saddens me and frustrates me and I'll tell you why.

    I don't know if you read about my experience with a healing from the 'Big Guy' when I was basically dieing in the hospital during my transplant isolation but if you could have been through what I did with this healing, that was totally unexpected on my part, then you would believe. I was recovering from congestive heart failure and in isolation after transplant, was only able to sit up even to sleep because of a couple of pneumonias I had in there, and one day I felt this line of heat starting at the top of my head and in a straight line it slowly went down and through my body. I thought 'hmm, these are some mean drugs I'm on', but soon it became apparent it was not the drugs - mentally or physically. I was wide awake and feeling this line of heat travelling deliberately down my body horizontally. I pushed myself up on my hands to try and who knows what I was thinking I was so stunned, trying to get away somehow from this strange sensation, but there was no escaping - I just subliminaly knew that it would do as it pleased. There was no pain and after a bit I wasn't scared either - just fascinated but puzzled - duh.

    When the line of heat came to where the second diagnosis, and hence transplant, was found - just under my boobs - the line of heat stopped there and lingered for longer than it did elsewhere then it started moving again down my body. When it came to the groin area where my initial diagnosis was it lingered there the longest and then I knew what this was - this was a real bonified HEALING FROM GOD. I couldn't believe what was happening.

    Right when I realized what it was, and this is hard to explain, I got this KNOWING - it wasn't a voice inside of me really but a sharing of information (don't call out the straight jackets please, this happened, lol) that told me that the cancer would never return and that yes this was a healing. Then the line of heat travelled right down my legs and out the bottom of my feet. At that moment I KNEW, like I have never known anything before, that the cancer would not be back. This was a true miracle that I experienced - not only because I was cured but because I never felt that it was coming back and so many spend the rest of their lives after a first diagnosis worrying about it's return - this healing spared me from that.

    I know that while in treatment for the transplant I prayed big time that I be allowed to live so that I would be there for my kids til at least they are old enough to care for themselves and I truly feel that is the prayer that brought me the healing. I'm not saying that's the only prayer that can do the same thing, I'm sure it isn't, but for me that's what happened. From that day on, after the healing, even though I have always believed in God that sure sealed it for me I can tell you.

    I am sharing this with you Tasha because I KNOW, up close and personal that He/She exists. Sometimes we aren't clear on the whys of things that happen but I know that it is all a part of a much greater plan and in fact, even in pain and sorrow there are lessons to be learned. I believe we are all here to learn and grow and sometimes the greatest lessons are learned during the greatest adversities.

    I believe that if you look closely at your situation you will find the answers you are looking for but if you have a ways to go yet in your search for answers then that is the way it has to be.

    I am not a bible thumping preacher by any means, lol, my friends would laugh at that notion, but I do KNOW that He is always with us, helping us through times of great trial, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

    I really hope, for your sake, you rethink your position but know that even if you don't care for Him right now, He still loves you and you are never alone.

    Blessings,
    Blueroses
  • tonybear
    tonybear Member Posts: 90
    #69
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    blueroses said:

    My chasing days are over, lol
    If I could crawl after the bunny and he would stand still I might have a chance of catching him but I'm guessing that won't happen. lol. Aww what the heck, my hips don't need the extra eggs anywho. lol. Have a great Easter. Blueroses.

    blueroses
    after church this morning i came to my moms house. she is only 80, she has less grey hair than my wife who is a lot younger. maybe it's because i was the perfect child. anyway, this isn't april fools day. i hope your easter was blessed.
  • tonybear
    tonybear Member Posts: 90
    #70
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    blbelzer said:

    Hope you're all still out there
    Hi,I've just discovered this site and the posts, but I see there hasn't been much activity lately.

    I was recently diagnosed with mestasized RCC and am reaching out to as many resources as I can find. I've gone through radiation surgery, removal of my kidney and two hellish weeks of Interferon. I'm now on Avastaini and Temsirolimus and am in the hospital trying to regain some of the strength that was sucked out of me by the Interferon.

    I would love to hear from people in my similar circumstance, namely undergoing treatment, coping with the emotional stress. And hope for life to come. Like all of you, I want to beat the odds!

    hope
    cancer can be beaten. i spent 2 months in a cancer center. i would be lying if i told you it was easy. while there i had 2 strokes and my blood sugar went from 90 to 300. i did have a lot of people praying for me. my wife was my caregiver, one of my friends drove to see me on the weekends to take me out to eat. the time was painful and stressful both physically and mentally. the prayers of others dealt with the spritual stress enabling me to be spiritually at peace. my wife made sure i took my drugs and made the walk down the hallway for radiation. she was my mainstay during the good days and those awful days when i wanted to give up. mental stress i had to let god help me. i was dealing with 2 kids at home, our 19 yr old daughter running my wifes business and bills, our 18 yr old son enrolling himself in college. god woke me one night and i argued with him about philippians 4:7. i was sure it meant i didn't understand his peace. i found out i was looking at the problem from the wrong perspective. all of my mental stress, my problems and things i didn't understand (like cancer) he could wrapped in his peace. the short comings of my limited knowledege were made to be peaceful in him. take your drugs, do the treatments, pray, try to laugh at something or yourself everyday. talk to someone close to you, or post your feelings here. i have found much help here. be blessed and never give up. tony
  • green50
    green50 Member Posts: 312
    #71
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    tonybear said:

    hope
    cancer can be beaten. i spent 2 months in a cancer center. i would be lying if i told you it was easy. while there i had 2 strokes and my blood sugar went from 90 to 300. i did have a lot of people praying for me. my wife was my caregiver, one of my friends drove to see me on the weekends to take me out to eat. the time was painful and stressful both physically and mentally. the prayers of others dealt with the spritual stress enabling me to be spiritually at peace. my wife made sure i took my drugs and made the walk down the hallway for radiation. she was my mainstay during the good days and those awful days when i wanted to give up. mental stress i had to let god help me. i was dealing with 2 kids at home, our 19 yr old daughter running my wifes business and bills, our 18 yr old son enrolling himself in college. god woke me one night and i argued with him about philippians 4:7. i was sure it meant i didn't understand his peace. i found out i was looking at the problem from the wrong perspective. all of my mental stress, my problems and things i didn't understand (like cancer) he could wrapped in his peace. the short comings of my limited knowledege were made to be peaceful in him. take your drugs, do the treatments, pray, try to laugh at something or yourself everyday. talk to someone close to you, or post your feelings here. i have found much help here. be blessed and never give up. tony

    Things are what they are dont blame God
    Tasha you said you don't believe in God yet you said he gave you cancer and you hate him? You must believe to blame him. God put us on this earth and let us make choices. Some of our choices cause disease and destruction. You will say then why doesnt he help. Why should he help those who have no faith in him. People ask why doesnt he cure us. He does. A lot of people have been cured and those who are not and have faith will be with him with no pain. I can't answer questions of why this or that I am not God. But as Bluerose I have had things happen to me that were good and unexplained. Yes my husband passed from Cancer, my husband himself put the blame on himself for smoking why should he of blamed God when he made the choice of smoking? And those of us who get it of no fault of our own but maybe by chemicals or whatever, was given cancer because of people creating these not God. I can't give answers to a lot of things, again I am not God. But if I am cured or if I leave this world where there is no pain I believe faith will make my happiness. I hope you someday will feel this because you are a nice person from what I Have read in prior postings.
    Prayers and Hugs as Always
    Sandy

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