re-what to say to mom...cont

Hello all.

thank you to everyone that have written. Since my last post, my mom was called back to the surgeon's office on Dec 17. We were asked to rush back 135 miles away so the surgeon could speak to my mom. More bad news and my mom nor I took the news well. The Dr found more cancer cells embedded in the breast. Her recommendation was to remove the breast entirely since 3/4 of it was already gone from the inside (according to the surgeon) removing the breast would give a 98% odds that the cancer would be completely gone. Or....leaving it alone 50/50 with treatment to see what it does with a 20% chance that the cancer will not return. I can't help but still feel sooooo angry about it all, why oh why didn't the Dr see it all at once. My mom is soooo scared and there is nothing that I can say. She read all the replies that all you wonderful, brave people have sent and she cried. I asked her to write and talk but she said "I just don't know what to say". I can't at all feel what she is going through. I just feel angry and when my father was ill with kidney failure I was always at odds with his doctors because here it was next to impossible to get decent healthcare for him. I had to make sure the doctors were watching my dad's condition. When my father passed out at his home in February 2 days before he died, the EMT's that arrived at his home called our hospital and told them on my dad's condition, the ER doctor told them don't even bother just call it, given his history of heart trouble. I was grateful that the EMT told me, which I don't think he was supposed to but I told him don't you dare, you do what it takes to keep him alive. And they did. It was soooo difficult doing all this for 8 years and now, I just can't get angry with these Doctors. When I was at odds with my dad's physicians it was a constant battle and at times I feel I made the situation worse, but at least my dad was taken care of. Maybe I'm just afraid this time, I don't want my mom to be treated badly if I am mad at her physicians. They say that my mom's surgeon is the best, but I have gut feelings about my not asking enough questions or the way I've gone about this surgery, this will be the 3rd one. She will have her breast removed on Jan 5. She will begin Chemotherapy on Jan 29th. She will have 2 injected drugs Taxotere or (Docetaxel) and Herceptin (Trastuzumab). I'm soooo scared for her. She doesn't look well at all. What can I do that I haven't? I try to be strong and I know she does, but I think we are both going to fall apart. My husband has been very supportive with me, I just wish I was a bigger support of my mom. I don't know how to fight my mom's cancer the way I fought my dad's heart disease, kidney failure and parkinson's...how do I do all this? How does my mom? She has spoken to the cancer support people here at our new cancer center. Well, anyway, I will keep you posted. It's real unreal...day after day...hurry and wait..
God Bless you all

Cynthia