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Dear Joanne
Please know my heart goes out to you and I'm praying for you. Joanne, you have been through so much, and deserve a break from this. Try not to look down at the slope, the fear will only escalate. Look up to hope, love and the God who has taken care of you. May you be filled with peace and rest. Many blessings to you and your sister.
Warm hugs,
kathleen
"We don't know what to do but our eyes are on you." Jehoshaphat0 -
Hugs ♥ Prayers ♥ Hope
Dearest Joanne, It just breaks my heart to read your latest post, I am so sorry you have been back in the hospital but in the same breath so glad your Dr has a plan of action for you.
I think when they are still planning treatments, there is still much life left. I know to be non-stop in treatment can be scarey at times. But wow 4 year anniversary is awesome.
As a 6yr survivor now, I know life can still be full of joy, love and hope, in spite of non-stop treatments. Remember the word remission has not been in my cancer journey and yet I am still here, sometimes feelign like it is the end. But then, to our surprise, something helps and the cancer is slowed down(and once in awhile some of it killed off).
Know I am praying for you, praying for a miracle, praying for peace, praying for strength, praying prayers for God's love, grace and peace to surround you and comfort you. Praying you feel all our love and prayers being said.
Lots of Teal Hugs along with them prayers. Bonnie0 -
Joanne
Joanne,
Your post too breaks my heart. I have no words of wisdom to express at this time, but I do want to say that I love you. And from your page I know you know the Lord and He loves you even more. He never gives us more than what we can handle the Word tells us. Sometimes we wonder why He thinks we can handle so much!!
You are in my prayers.
Love,
Libby0 -
DON'T DESPAIR
I know this news is not what you were expecting, JoAnn. And I'm sorry to had to spend your New Year's going through so much, as you have this past year. Certainly not the best way to start out this new year. But I've read the encouraging words for all the other women who have posted, especially Bonnie, and I know you have much to be hopeful for.
Please don't despair, as there is still much hope in other options, but more importantly, the strength you will find from your faith, your sister, and those of us here. Take one moment at a time, and don't look too far ahead - it will only create anxiety and 'what ifs'. Four years is quite a milestone, definitely something to celebrate.
Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you, JoAnn. May you find peace in the most unlikely of places so that you will know HE is in this with you and will send you a way to deal with all of us.
Monika
'Weaping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning...'0 -
Joanne
Dear Joanne, you are a wonderful lady, and I am so sorry to hear about your latest bad news. Keep the fight, my friend! Continuous chemo may be just what is needed to back this monster off so you can regroup and gain some weight. You are very special to everyone, and I know prayer is all over the board for you right now. . I'm reaching out my hand to hold yours right now to give you comfort and strength.
Hugs and Prayers
Terry0 -
Prayers and hugs
JoAnn,
As with everyone, this just breaks my heart for you. I cannot possibly say anything better than the others have already, but please let me echo their sentiments. It certainly appears that God seems to think you can handle a great deal, and I'm sure it must be very hard right now to remember that God's plan is always the best plan. We never know where and when that "magic bullet" might appear to beat off that cancer beast.
Please focus on the now and the support of your family, and don't lose hope. You have a lot of Teal warriors on your side!
Love,
Carol0 -
Endurance
Dear Joanne,
I've know a number of women who have carried on with different chemos for the duration of their lives, and can't think of one who would have not taken the next one offered.
Please don't let your appearance put you off going out to see people - it's only the ones who know you who should be affected by your appearance, and then only because they CARE.
I'll pray for you, and hope that you'll find the magic bullet we all are seeking.
Sue0 -
Joanne
Gosh I'm sorry that
Joanne
Gosh I'm sorry that you are having a tough time girl. But listen to me, please don't let them determine your time! Only God determines how much time you have. Fight the fight and don't think about it, if you are luck enough to get through chemo without physical other than hair loss retrabrutions then just go through life like you are healthy. I'm sure you think I'm just full of it, but you know what? I was staged at 4 when first operated on in Dec. 07 come to find out they were wrong, I'm stage 3 and now its just sitting there....we can fight this and let's do it..............don't be scared......I say that cos I am too.... I found this site and then left it only to find out how much I need it........hang in there woman!
Linda0 -
Sending LoveTracieK said:Sending prayers!
As I am writing this I am sending many prayers for you and your sister. Keep a hold on your faith. And keep faith in your Doc. I hope that some peace comes to you knowing that the lord is listening.
Hugs,
Tracie
I have no words of wisdom. But I'm sending love and healing thoughts for you and your sister. God is great...as is love and faith.
Gail0 -
I am praying about youdorion said:Joanne
Gosh I'm sorry that
Joanne
Gosh I'm sorry that you are having a tough time girl. But listen to me, please don't let them determine your time! Only God determines how much time you have. Fight the fight and don't think about it, if you are luck enough to get through chemo without physical other than hair loss retrabrutions then just go through life like you are healthy. I'm sure you think I'm just full of it, but you know what? I was staged at 4 when first operated on in Dec. 07 come to find out they were wrong, I'm stage 3 and now its just sitting there....we can fight this and let's do it..............don't be scared......I say that cos I am too.... I found this site and then left it only to find out how much I need it........hang in there woman!
Linda
I am praying that you will get stronger and that things will improve. praying that this next chemo will knock the cancer way back and soon you will feel lots better May God bless you real good. Laura0 -
Thank you all!!
I was back in the hoapital again and just got home. I'm on a PCA pump with IV duladid 2 mg a hour. It takes care of all the pain. Since my insurance will pay for the PCA pump I won't have to go on Hospice to get it. I will call my Onc tomorrow and get him to line up my Taxotere asap. The also inserted a permenent drain in my belly so I can drain the ascites myself now and don't have to wait until I'm in pain anymore. They drained me before they put the new pump in and were able to get another 1000cc off that's alot considering they had just removed 3000cc 3days earlier!! Like I said the good news is I can start the taxotere and fight back.So I'm quite anxious for tomorrow morning to get a call into the Onc and start the taxotere. So for right now I have home health showing me how to change the dressings and how to use the pump myself, then they will only come in 1 time a week to change out the huber-needle of my medi-port. My Onc did say we will fight with all we got,but at the same time I have alot of things to get ready for..Do you know I don't even have a advance directives or living will??? Stupid things,but I just never ever thought I would get to this point. I'm a bit depressed,but I know I have to go through all these things. I'm really scared and I so sad..I'm only 50..damn it. My Mom is coming for another visit and to help me out. I'm so weak that standing up from the toilet seat is tough on my legs. I used to have so much pride in my body. I worked out and had looked good...now I can hardly look at myself and recognize me...I know I'm in there somewhere....Thank you all for the love and understanding that can only come from someone who's been there or is helping a family member get through it. It means so much to me..and I promise I will FIGHT FIGHT..FIGHT (((huugz)))~~~Joanne0 -
Praying Praying Prayingfloridajo said:Thank you all!!
I was back in the hoapital again and just got home. I'm on a PCA pump with IV duladid 2 mg a hour. It takes care of all the pain. Since my insurance will pay for the PCA pump I won't have to go on Hospice to get it. I will call my Onc tomorrow and get him to line up my Taxotere asap. The also inserted a permenent drain in my belly so I can drain the ascites myself now and don't have to wait until I'm in pain anymore. They drained me before they put the new pump in and were able to get another 1000cc off that's alot considering they had just removed 3000cc 3days earlier!! Like I said the good news is I can start the taxotere and fight back.So I'm quite anxious for tomorrow morning to get a call into the Onc and start the taxotere. So for right now I have home health showing me how to change the dressings and how to use the pump myself, then they will only come in 1 time a week to change out the huber-needle of my medi-port. My Onc did say we will fight with all we got,but at the same time I have alot of things to get ready for..Do you know I don't even have a advance directives or living will??? Stupid things,but I just never ever thought I would get to this point. I'm a bit depressed,but I know I have to go through all these things. I'm really scared and I so sad..I'm only 50..damn it. My Mom is coming for another visit and to help me out. I'm so weak that standing up from the toilet seat is tough on my legs. I used to have so much pride in my body. I worked out and had looked good...now I can hardly look at myself and recognize me...I know I'm in there somewhere....Thank you all for the love and understanding that can only come from someone who's been there or is helping a family member get through it. It means so much to me..and I promise I will FIGHT FIGHT..FIGHT (((huugz)))~~~Joanne
Dearest Joanne,
I am crying as I write back to you. Your cry of only being 50, about not recognizing yourself, about wanting to scream. Somedays I have screamed and cried and mourned. We live in hope and on the days where it feels to have sucked all the hope from us; it is depressing. We need to cry, scream, mourn and pray to release the pressure.
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings so openly. You are so special and so loved.
I am glad they put the drain in, I had one back in 03 for 5 months and it really relieved a lot of the pain not to have all the fluid build up. I am so glad your mom is coming and you got the pump. Now just to get the taxotere in you to kick cancer's butt!!
I have had a health care directive for awhile now and a will. I am one of those people who like to be prepared. I also have a little box by my bedside(I call it my celebration box)it has things in it I would like included in my celebration service.
I love your courage and your fight ~ and am right there with you in prayer. We will armour you in prayer and love to continue be the Teal Warrior you are. With much Love Bonnie0 -
Hopefloridajo said:Thank you all!!
I was back in the hoapital again and just got home. I'm on a PCA pump with IV duladid 2 mg a hour. It takes care of all the pain. Since my insurance will pay for the PCA pump I won't have to go on Hospice to get it. I will call my Onc tomorrow and get him to line up my Taxotere asap. The also inserted a permenent drain in my belly so I can drain the ascites myself now and don't have to wait until I'm in pain anymore. They drained me before they put the new pump in and were able to get another 1000cc off that's alot considering they had just removed 3000cc 3days earlier!! Like I said the good news is I can start the taxotere and fight back.So I'm quite anxious for tomorrow morning to get a call into the Onc and start the taxotere. So for right now I have home health showing me how to change the dressings and how to use the pump myself, then they will only come in 1 time a week to change out the huber-needle of my medi-port. My Onc did say we will fight with all we got,but at the same time I have alot of things to get ready for..Do you know I don't even have a advance directives or living will??? Stupid things,but I just never ever thought I would get to this point. I'm a bit depressed,but I know I have to go through all these things. I'm really scared and I so sad..I'm only 50..damn it. My Mom is coming for another visit and to help me out. I'm so weak that standing up from the toilet seat is tough on my legs. I used to have so much pride in my body. I worked out and had looked good...now I can hardly look at myself and recognize me...I know I'm in there somewhere....Thank you all for the love and understanding that can only come from someone who's been there or is helping a family member get through it. It means so much to me..and I promise I will FIGHT FIGHT..FIGHT (((huugz)))~~~Joanne
I too am crying with you as I read your post, Joanne. I will be 53 next month and today I wait the news of my daughter's BRCA2 test (as I pray it will be negative).
You saying that you are so sad............breaks my heart, but I too am glad you are being truthful. Yes, I do understand what you are going through with 3 family members and now myself. Know that you are loved not only by us but even more so by God.
Fight! Fight! Fight! and we will Pray! Pray! Pray!
In His Grip,
Libby0 -
Little DownBonnieR said:Hugs ♥ Prayers ♥ Hope
Dearest Joanne, It just breaks my heart to read your latest post, I am so sorry you have been back in the hospital but in the same breath so glad your Dr has a plan of action for you.
I think when they are still planning treatments, there is still much life left. I know to be non-stop in treatment can be scarey at times. But wow 4 year anniversary is awesome.
As a 6yr survivor now, I know life can still be full of joy, love and hope, in spite of non-stop treatments. Remember the word remission has not been in my cancer journey and yet I am still here, sometimes feelign like it is the end. But then, to our surprise, something helps and the cancer is slowed down(and once in awhile some of it killed off).
Know I am praying for you, praying for a miracle, praying for peace, praying for strength, praying prayers for God's love, grace and peace to surround you and comfort you. Praying you feel all our love and prayers being said.
Lots of Teal Hugs along with them prayers. Bonnie
Hi to all
I am a six and a half year survivor as well Bonnie. I need a little pick me up in the prayer department. I had a count of 14000 last May and it went down to 4500 In November but My last count after taking a extra 2 weeks off because of holidays, MY count is now 9000. And I have a lump in my neck which they will do a biopsy on Tuesday. They said it could be anything, I hope they are right. I will again take my slow drip carbo on the 19th and go every 3 weeks again. It seems you almost get there then well you know how it is Bonnie. But maybe another miracle will come and chemo bring count down next time. I feel pretty good other then a litttle tired so who knows. Like my husband use to say just another bump in the road. Might have to go back to Taxitiere, Oh yea. lol Hope all of you are doing good. My prayers are with you.
Sandy0 -
Prayers are with you
Joanne
My problem seems so minor next to yours. I wrote my note before reading. Got a head of myself. I am so sorry you are going through this. Miracles do happen. My dr. has seen cases where women are still doing chemo and its been 13 years for them. I know what you mean about the taxotere. I have lost my hair 4 times. I wear bandanas and wigs. I am a 6 and a half year survivor and my count went down until this last time as you may have read in my other note below Bonnie's. Your Dr. must do the count different. I notice you said 10.9. You know I understand hair loss means you have cancer. Maybe it will get more people to realize we need funds and help. But I am like you "Don't feel sorry for me" just help the Cancer Society and when we need the extra help because of weakness be around. Although sometimes you want to be alone and only talk to those who understand. Well we have survived this long, tomorrow could be our cure.
Prayers and hugs to all,
Sandy0 -
Having a good cry
Dear Joanne, I am so sad to read your posts. I had missed them somehow this week. I remember you were one of the first to answer my first visit and have considered you a mentor all along my journey. Take care the the things you must do and get them out of the way. The one thing that helps me is to keep a "Blessing List" where I write all the things down that I can think of that God has blessed me with in my life.
When I can dwell on the blessings, I have less time to get anxious and worry.
Another trick I do is have a "God Bag" . I plastic sack hung on a coat hanger in the back of my closet. I write all my cares and worries on pieces of paper, one on each and put them in the bag telling God that I am giving this worry to Him for that day to take care of. If I start worring about that care again that day I have to go get the paper out and regive it to God. This has worked for me and kept me focussed on God's plan for me, which is that I can count on him to see me through everything, and he has great things in store for me in the future. I am never alone and you aren't either!
I will be praying extra for you and Bonnie this day and I do know that you will summon up the peace that you can find, now that the pain is being handled. Hugs & Prayers, Saundra0 -
Questions
Joanne, I`m so sorry to hear this I can understand.. I have seen my Mom go through this for 3 years and 3 months.. sincerely I never thought she would hang in so long considering she is 77 years old. I want to ask you what kind of pain are you experiencing??? My Mom is feeling very bad.. I have never seen her with so much pain... I`m thinking her problem is also her bowels and maybe her rectum area.. probaby ascitis. She has disconfort when she can´t go to the bathroom (pupu) and when she finally can go she gets horrible pains she says it`s so painful she feels like she is dropping dead from a heart attack. I`m very worried and sad.. she is now on constant pain killers wich don`t last long and the pain comes back.I can see the pain increases every day. The Onc gave hre GENOXAL tablets for 21 days to see what happens and then labs, I don`t know what is on his mind. She had an abdominal tomography done 3 months ago which showed nothing, the Dr. was pleased and even thought is could not be the cancer. Thank you for listening. May God give you peace I will pray for you. Liz0
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