what to say to my mom...still

Oh, Cynthia
I am so very, very sorry that this has gone on and on as you describe.
I do think though that the mastectomy will be a step in a more positive direction for your mother. Knowing she has a much better chance of being cancer free will give all of you more hope, and you will find that she is stronger than either you or she ever suspected if she has to go on chemo.
I know these seem like empty words right now, but if you read posts of others of all ages and stages who have undergone treatment so many of them will say 'I never thought I could do it, but I did!'.
I am as concerned about you as I am about your mother. You MUST have help. You are expecting way too much of yourself, as caregivers so often do, and you need to find ways to attend to yourself so you can be there for your mom. Coming here to vent is a step in the right direction but I hope you can tap into support resources where you are, such as other family, friends, neighbors.
God bless and keep us up to date please.

Hi Cynthia,
First let me say
Hi Cynthia,

First let me say that I LOVE your name. My mother's name is Cynthia.

Sometimes it's comforting to hear that other people have walked the same path. My circumstances were very similar to your moms. I had two lumpectomies. Both had unclear margins. My surgeon wanted to do another lumpectomy, but I told her that I didn't have the strength to hear her say 'unclear margins' one more time. As is probably the case with your mom, they had removed the invasive cancer with the first lumpectomy, but there were DCIS that kept popping up around my margins. I was convinced that my entire breast was filled with these DCIS's. So, I opted for a mastectomy and I do not regret that decision.

I had a reaction to the adhesive glue they used to keep the steri-strips over my port incision. I didn't notice it right away, but about a week after the surgery, my skin was raised and red and itched like crazy. I thought for sure I'd have a have a huge scar from where the irritation was....but the only scar I have there now is the incision scar. It would be a good idea for your mom to ask the nurses to use paper tape on her infusion days.

You are an incredible daughter, Cynthia. Your heart is so big and your love for your mom is so evident. In order to care for your mom, you're going to need to take care of yourself. Get some support from friends, family, neighbors, church so that you don't have to worry about the day to day. You certainly can't do it all. It sounds like you want to be present with your mom as much as possible, but you can't do that if you have to also always focus on dinner, cleaning, laundry. It's a wonderful idea to have some meals brought to you, so that you don't have to add that to your list of to-do's. If someone asks if they can help, say 'yes, we could use some meals!' They will be blessed by being a blessing to you.

You can't be all things to everyone. You've got to be able to express your feelings and fears. Do you have a friend that you can lean on during this time? Maybe, writing things down in a journal......You need some kind of outlet to let your feelings out. This discussion board is a good place, but I encourage you to also find a friend that you can sit with and be real with.

Praying for you and your mom,
Chelle

I just wanted to add that
I just wanted to add that what your mother is feeling is completely normal. In the beginning it is really difficult to stay positive, no matter what anyone tells you. None of us were used to being ill, I don't think it is something anyone gets used to. I'm not sure any of us thought we could handle chemo until we had to just do it. Your mom just might surprise you with how strong she becomes through all this.

Maybe you could just offer to listen to her fears, tell her you are afraid for her, get it all out in the open. Then you'll hopefully be able to move on from there.