hello, it's been a long road. My mom went for her first lumpectomy on Nov 24, we were called back to Albuquerque we live 135 miles away; the next day for news that the Dr did not get all the cancer. My mom had a lumpectomy again on Dec 15...and a chemo port put in on Dec 16 and yet again we were called to drive 135 miles again the next day for the Dr to tell my mom the cancer is still there embedded and the dr's main option was to remove the breast entirely with a 98% chance of all the cancer being gone or not doing anything and sending her to chemo and the other meds with a 50/50 chance that it would work 20% maybe ...our lives have been a mess since Dec 19. I can't possibly feel what she is feeling, I only feel what I feel, disgust and hate that this has happened and why the Dr did not get it all and since we live so far away....I can't cope with my family, and I don't know what to say to my mom. She cries and asks why me. I have lost total faith in everything. I talk to her and tell her that she needs to get her mind set on being well. I have a 7 yr old boy and he loves her so much. My mom lives with us and that boy of mine adores her. Right now too, I am hard to live with as I can't believe all this is happening because I really feel in my heart that my mom can not handle chemo. She is not used to being ill and with every positive things the ladies at our cancer center have told her, she still comes back with the negative, and she has that right. I am just out of words, out of emotions, and have cried so many tears, for my mom for me for my family because our world has turned upside down again. Since my dad passed away in 2006, my mom hasn't been herself and we've all tried to help, but she will not help herself, and now this...somehow I feel it's my fault for not being able to handle a job, my family my son and myself. I should be able to have enough patience for everyone. She will have her mastectomy on Jan 5, and she is scared to death. The port they put in with those steri strips have caused burns on her skin and I had to take her to our hospital emergency room and it was a nightmare. I wish I could get my mom to write and maybe get her feelings out. I'm afraid for her and I can't show it.
Thank you for listening.