Funk mood post treatment

I understand
I finished chemo in June and I completely understand. During chemo, I was much, much more appreciative and lately, I have found myself growling, getting upset about things, and thinking that I'm ungrateful, because I'm NED and where's my better side? I really believe that this monster is so traumatic that we will have peaks and valleys for a while. We were blindsided, we fought back. When we're in the fight, we're focused. After the fight, we have to adjust to our new normal and I think part of that process may be grieving for what we lost. I'm glad you are seeing a counselor. I go once a month and I'm so thankful some days to have someone who listens to me and points out that I don't have to be perfect, that it's okay to have bad days. Good luck and keep us posted.

Rebecca

you are normal
We've been through hell and it takes a while to get over the shock (I'm thinking I might outlive the shock, but who knows?!!!!). We have the right to feel crappy and nobody who hasn't walked in our shoes understands nor has the right to expect us to "get over it". PTSD isn't just for warriors anymore! We have (and some still are) endured things we never thought possible for the human condition. During active treatment we have a focus and the drugs help us to not be able to focus on anything else. When I am in treatment I live in 2 week intervals. Everything gets done; house is cleaned the weekend before I go back for treatment in prep for my care givers, laundry is done because I know I won't be able to do it during the first week of treatment, etc. When I finish treatment, I no longer am on that schedule. Laundry backs up, dust collects in the corners, my floors don't shine, etc. But that's OK! Martha Stewart isn't coming to my house any time soon and the friends and family that come don't notice the mess! I also have gained a significant amount of weight and dread the first time I meet in person somebody who hasn't seen me since my last treatment. They get over the shock soon enough; not like they're going to say anything to my face, and who cares what they say when I'm not there! I am here, I am enjoying my first grand daughter and my girls love to talk with me and visit with me! I was telling a friend the other day I can't even remember what life was like before cancer. I have pictures that show I was very healthy and thin. I remember the many activities I was able to do that I can't do anymore. I remember my stomach was always flat and I was blessed with a naturally lean frame. I remember being able to still wear a bikini at 40. I also remember the hell that came after 08/12/04 when my cancer was found. I remember the hell of the recurrence. I remember the fear in my daughter's eyes when they thought they were going to lose me and the joy when I started to recover! I can hear the love and joy in my loved ones voices when we get together or just talk on the phone. Life IS different and it does SUCK sometimes. But that's ok. I am still here and I plan on being so for a long time to come. God has plans for me and I plan on continuing to remind Him that I have things to live for here... give me time I will do the best I can. I am glad you are seeking counseling; it has helped me many times in my past, even before I had to jump into this battle. Give yourself a break and enjoy just today.
mary

Me, too
Kiersten,
Thank you for your post. I'm 1 year out and feeling different. Just like you, I was so positive during treatment. Now, 1 year out, I've gained weight. I go in spurts when I exercise but spurts where I don't. I've always cried at the drop of a hat, but seem to cry more lately. Maybe the season as well.

I am a bit older, though (57) but have a great family life. Don't know what it is. I tell myself something is wrong with me. Actually, my Mom just died a month ago so that didn't help, either.. Here I am..whoa is me. >>grin>>

Hope things work out for you. We must find out what the problem is and go from there.

My thoughts are with you.

Claudia

Be good to yourself
I felt the same way after my treatment. I was fairly positive during all the bad stuff, just looking forward to the end, and then when it was finally here.....pzzzzt big let down. I think part of it may be that there is still some "hangover" effect even after treatment has been stopped for a while, weakness, fatigue, etc. In our minds, we think that is going to immediately be gone.
Getting back to exercising regularly worked best for me.

KathiM said:

Tis the season....
Me, too....SO,

I snuck off to San Diego area (Pacific Beach) to a little inn right on the ocean...still there, as I write this...

It did WONDERS for my emotions...

Hugs, Kathi

Stay positive
I have been through many of the emotions that you are experiencing. It is difficult sometimes but you are strong - believe it. You went through a life altering experience. It will get better. You should look into speaking with someone. That will give you a lift. By expressing how you feel, releases those negative thoughts and feelings. We are here with you. Check in as often as you wish. It will get better.

Cheers,
Lance