A Really Stupid Embarrasing Thing

msccolon said:

Smoking
AAAGGGHHHH! I feel for ya, Kirsten! I smoked for 5 years when I was younger, quit when I became pregnant with my first child. I then smoked for a year when I was 30, stupidly to spite my then-husband for his disgusting snuff habit! Quit again. I then took up smoking cigars about the time of my diagnosis! I finally quit that for good after my recurrence in 2006! What an idiot I was for the cigar thing! Just the thought of the floating carcinogens in my immuno-suppressed body makes me cringe now! RUNNNN to your local hospital for assistance with quitting your tobacco addiction!
mary

CherylHutch said:

Smoking
Hey Kirsten,

I don't smoke anymore... but I did for 32 years. I'd say for the first 20 of those years, smoking was never really considered a taboo thing. As a young adult it was a "cool" thing to do, then because I was involved in theatre, it was just something that all theatre people seemed to do (in hindsight, I have no idea how dancers and performers could smoke and do their craft, but back in the 70s/80s it was totally acceptable). It wasn't until the 90s really that it became more publicly aware that smoking was actually bad for you.

Well, being the stubborn person I was/still am, there was no way a "new study" was going to tell me *I* had to quit something I totally enjoyed doing. As more and more friends quit smoking and it got to the point where 50% smoked, 50% didn't... I was in the 50% smoking category... and still enjoying every puff! Even when they now started making it real difficult for us smokers (no smoking at your desk, no smoking inside a public building, now smoking in the doorways... now no smoking within 50 metres of a doorway or sidewalk)... I still hung in there.

Then one day I said to myself, as I picked up a carton of ciggies... just why are you smoking? It's costing you and arm and a leg, and not too deep down you know it's not healthy for you... so can you really say it's because you enjoy it so much?? Just give me a reason why you think you should still be smoking and I'm fine with that, but I've lost track of whether we are doing this out of spite, or if it's because we realllllly enjoy smoking. Well, I couldn't give myself an answer. I thought I really enjoyed it, but I have to admit, it's lost a bit of it's enjoyment since so few others around me smoked... so it was no longer a social thing. I hated the fact that up here, a carton (10 packages) was costing me over $80)... so I told myself, if you really and truly enjoy it, then fine, but otherwise, it seems like you are kind of beating a dead horse.

So, I put that carton of 10 packs up on my fridge and told myeself - "OK, you know where they are... if you really want them, then fine, otherwise, quit. And none of this fooling around where you say you are going to quit, but then you sneak a ciggy here and there... either you smoke, or you quit." That was Day 1 of me quitting... and once I started quitting, I couldn't even have a puff of a ciggy otherwise that would mean I had to start all over again. Call me stubborn, but I refuse to be one of these people who take 5-10 attempts before quitting... that's just this competitive streak in me.

So, I guess you have to sit down with yourself and ask yourself some pretty hard questions... and no, you don't need to give answers that you think others want to hear. Why do you smoke? Why don't you want to quit? I don't think you need to tell yourself how bad smoking is for you... we've all been inundated with that information.

But here's something else to think about and you need to do some serious thinking on it. Do you want to live? I know, I know... none of us want to die... I bet we all can scream out to our doctors, "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!" But the real question... Do YOU want to LIVE?? If the answer is YES! I want to live!!! Then that means you have to be willing to try every treatment or procedure that will aid in fighting this beast. And think about it... if you need surgery, especially lung surgery, but really, any kind of surgery... if you smoke, then there's a good chance a surgeon may turn you down as not an eligible candidate, or tell you that you have to have quit smoking for at least 6-12 months before he/she will do the surgery... and by then, maybe the surgery won't be usedful because you had to wait a year.

So... rather than beat yourself up and say how stupid you are... put that all aside and ask yourself, "Do I want to LIVE?" and then you can make your choices

Huggggggs,

Cheryl

tlsart said:

smoking
Kirsten,

I smoked when I was younger quit at age 23, started again at 35, my husband of now 27 years has always smoked. I was really addicted this last time and kept trying to find the answer.I look back at it now and laugh only my close friends knew I smoked, I never let anyone smoke in my car or home (neat freak in me)we always went outside even in cold weather to smoke. Last fall the cold started early and I said I'm not spending another winter on the porch of my own home smoking I'm going to give them up. I was down to 3 or 5 per day in Dec. when my doctor said your going to have to quit smoking, you have colon cancer. I put them down that day and can say for me it was easy, but I was in the hospital almost immediatly for colon resection and would have had to drag a IV pole outside in the cold if I wanted to smoke at the hospital. I had a dream about them 2 nights ago and thought when I awoke that I had actually had a cigarette swore I could smell them on me and realized my husband was standing at my bedside asking if I was ok, he had just come in from outside and had been smoking boy did he reak hence that's where the smell came from and I said I wish you could quit smoking they really smell bad. He said well when they tell me I have cancer maybe I'll quit to, till then I smokin!!! I wish you the best it's vary difficult, I have always said I think any addiction is the worst affliction you can have, be it food, sex, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes. Addictions are accepted by society as a whole and there isn't one on the list if used in moderation dosent ease the stress in daily life for most of us. You have my best regards and good luck!!!! Theresa

chynabear said:

If only there were a magic pill...
My parents were smokers for as long as I can remember. I know they went through their "no smoking" phases, the longest lasting 4 years before they picked it back up again. My dad used to smoke 4 packs a day... though, I think he mostly held them in his fingers or mouth as he wasn't nearly as unhealthy as he should have been. I remember he used to wheeze so badly when he was bending over to put on his shoes. Then, they both came down with the flu and it hurt too bad to smoke. Not having insurance, they were both sick for a few weeks. At that point, they looked at each other and said, "It's now or never. Why would we want to pick it back up again now that we have been a few days without." That was about 15 years ago or so. My mom can't stand the smell of smoke now and worries if she quit soon enough. She also knows that if she ever has another, she will be addicted for life as each quitting time became harder.

My father-in-law (and mother-in-law for that matter) were your typical closet smokers. I think my MIL would have a smoke after dinner and before bed. My FIL would smoke throughout the day when he could. Nearly two years ago, my FIL fell through the ceiling and landed on their oak coffee table before falling to the wood floor 10' below. He punctured a lung among various injuries and broken bones. His trauma was bad enough, but it nearly killed him because he was a smoker. Not only that, but he was going through withdrawals while trying to heal. The doctors finally gave him a patch and had to hevily sedate him after they realized what was going on because his body was not healing well enough. He realized how much more difficult his healing was because of the smoking. He has not touched a cigarette since. My MIL quit after this as well, but she has inhuman self-control and never smoked a lot.

I have seen 1-800 numbers for help in quitting. I think it's a great idea to visit your doc or hospital for ideas and suggestions.

I think the real key is to having to want this for yourself. You're worth it... if you want it.

Good luck!