Please Help

KathiM said:

I agree with Cheryl....
Caregiver is the WORST job, by far...

My daughter can tell you....she was mine....

I remember feeling so trapped, I would verbally strike out at her...or say the classic "You don't know what I'm going thru, I have cancer!!!!!!!!"

I would see her face, and feel just awful. I found myself warning everyone that I could explode at any moment...and that I was 'saying my sorries' (as my daughter used to say) beforehand.

She went to a counsellor at her school and talked about it....all the fear of losing her mom, how her mom looked so awful, how she felt so useless...it REALLY helped her...

Hugs, Kathi

Same Feeling here for a while
Cheryls reply rang a bell here Keeley, I could not do anything at first for breaking down in tears , while driving, eating supper, just looking at my kids, I finally went to see my family Dr and he prescribed me a light dosage of Fluorextine (Prozac) 10 mg. and it took about 2 weeks to start working but I am back in control and I do not dwell on my journey. It has given me my life back and allowed me to concentrate on what I need to. I never took any type of meds and was reluctant to try this but I was snapping at my wife, kids, dog. I had to have some help....I got it, and am very grateful for it, and so is my family. So, in that respect, do your self a favor and talk with someone about this, it does not in any way change the way you feel, only the way you deal with emotion.....God Bless ya ......

Keeley200 said:

Thank you all once again for
Thank you all once again for your kind words. Again your support is helping a lot. I am from UK but could not find a UK site that supports people like you do. My mum had her first MRI today which was very scary for her as she is clausophobic but she got through it ok.. now it is all becoming very real.. not that it wasn't before.. but now more so.. if that makes sense. I kept telling my mum how positive we must be as this a very curable cancer and she really shouted at me and told me I was not helping and I was making her feel worse as she does not want to get her hopes up and be let down and as I am not a doctor and am in no position to tell her everything will be ok.. at that point we finally had the conversation that we needed to have as everytime I mention the C word I feel like it hurts her but at the same time not to say it feels like we are ignoring what is happening. She told me whilst she is going through the waiting stage she does not want to dwell on it or speak about it and once we have results then we make an action plan etc which I really do understand. She said she can feel the cancer.. her abdomen is swollen and she can feel the pressue of the tumor even against her spine. She told me she wants to forgot it as much as she can until we have results and I understand that entirely. I want to help so much but can't. Right now i am feeling so much fear and pain (which must be nothing compared to hers).. i feel a strange pain in my throat i cannot swallow I cannot sleep and keep vomiting I want to help but am so useless. I can't bear the thought of me and my sisters losing my mum it was so hard when we lost our dad.. I know I should not think like that but these thoughts keep going through my head. I wish to god I could be strong and this would all go away and become a bad dream. I am trying to take everyones positive words on board.. I really am but i feel like i am losing my mind. I know you are all going through so much more than I and I feel so bad to be so weak. I know I need to be strong for my mum but at times I feel so utterly weak and powerless. I hope I will become stronger.

Strength comes from knowing what you are in control of.
Hello,
I am sorry to hear that your family has to go through this! It sounds like you have a strong family bond which is exactly what you need to have in order to support your mum. I was diagnosed with stage 1 colon cancer at age 27. Currently, I am 5 years without a recurrence. When I was diagnosed I allowed myself to feel sorry about the situation when I needed to, but only for a short time. I soon realized that the cancer was in control if I got angry or sad and stopped living my life. The waiting is the worst. It is amazing what can race through our heads the more time we have to think. I sort of adopted the philosophy that it is what it is and I will deal with what ever it is when it comes. I needed to do that for myself and my family. It sounds like your mum has the same philosophy.

I think the best thing you can do for your mum is to try to adopt the same attitude for now. When you have confirmation of what is exactly going on allow yourself to feel scared and support your mum and sisters with their fear. You have taken a great step in coming on hear to vent your fears and frustrations, maybe encourage your sisters to do the same and eventually your mum, as well. This is a great group of people to do that with. I wish you and your family well. I will pray for the best of news for your family.

Chris