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Keeley200
Keeley200 Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
My mum has just told me and my sisters she has colon cancer.. she started experiencing problems last April but the doctors told her she probably had an infection. She gave a stool sample at that time and they told her she did not have an infection but she has been experiencing problems since april and recently she started passing blood. This time the doctor sent her for a colonoscopy and the doctor told her straight away that it was cancer as there was a large hard mass that was definitely cancer. She had a biopsy which confirmed and now on monday she will have a scan and then on Thursday another scan and then a few days after that a specialist will advise us of the prognosis. My mum is trying to act strong for mine and my sisters' sakes but obviously she is worried sick. I know the best we can hope for is stage one cancer which will be cured relatively easily compared to the rest.. I am trying to keep all my family's hopes up and act positive but I need to know.. would be grateful if.. someone could tell me what the treatment will involve at stage one cancer (which is what we hope and pray she has) and how best I can support my mum. I try to keep her cheerful and happy to the point where we don't discuss the cancer but I now know that to be the wrong thing as yesterday she called the nurse (from her diagnosis examination) to confirm she had not imagined or dreamt the diagnonis and it really was cancer. My father passed away a few years ago and I really need advice on how to lead and look after my family during this difficult time.. we can't ignore the fact it is happening but at the same time I don't want my family to dwell on it too much....I really need advice in order to help and keep calm my sisters but i don't even know what i am saying or doing right now.. I would just be very grateful for any advice on how to help my mum to help come to terms with and fight this awful disease.
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  • pamness
    pamness Member Posts: 524 Member
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    So sorry your mother has colon cancer - what stage is it?
    Staging is very important for treatment. What stage is your mother? Put you emotions aside and find out what stage she is, where is the tumor and what is the treatment that she is being offered or what is being recommended.

    Panic doesn't help. I have been there, talk to her doctors and find an oncologist you trust.

    Pam
  • Jaime4
    Jaime4 Member Posts: 20 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear about your mum
    In February at the age of 46 I had surgery for stage one colon cancer. They removed half my rectum and part of my colon and then reconnected everything. I was fortunate and did not need radiation or chemo. They were able to get everything during the surgery. I do have a CT scan done every six months for the next 3 years because they are watching something they found on my adrenal gland and liver.It does take time for you body to get use to the changes due to the surgery. It is important to find out what stage she is in. Usually this can not be found out until after the surgery. Technology now a days is great. Try not to worry and educate yourself as much as you can. The love and strength you and your family have for each other will help pull you through. Please keep us updated on your mum. I wish her all the best.
  • fez1
    fez1 Member Posts: 47
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    Staging is the key
    Right now you do not have enough information to gather the correct information or to make any decisions. After you get the staging, the surgeon and the oncologist will explain the plan to you. If you ahev any concerns please seek a second opinion, either surgical or oncological. Second opinions, if you have time, and if you don't feel satisfied with your mother's options, are important. Another pair of eyes or another surgical approach can give you much more piece of mind. Again, it all depends on her stage and how quickly she needs surgery. Above all, make sure that she is seen at a major cancer center, Where she gets her initial care is vital to her overall outcome. Take care, stay calm- things will work out.

    Carol
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Stage 1 survivor
    Hi. I'm so sorry about your mother, and I do pray that her cancer will be early stage. I was diagnosed last November with Stage 1 colon cancer. I had a colon resection in which they removed about 2 feet of the colon. I have not had chemo or radiation, which is such a blessing. I HAVE had colon issues since the surgery and have been hospitalized several times for severe pain. I've had several scans and colonoscopies to be sure nothing further is going on, and the best we can figure out at this time is that my irritable bowel syndrome has been put into high gear by the surgery.

    In general a Stage 1 survivor can expect to have CEA blood tests every 3 months and a colonoscopy after a year. If that is clean, my oncologist puts you on every 3 years for those.

    It seems like you go to the doctor every 5 minutes, but if your mother has this early stage of cancer, she will be fortunate, because the road will be much easier than that walked by people with higher stages.

    Please let us know, and you can be sure that you will find lots of support on this group.

    We'll be praying for your family.

    Gail
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
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    No need to panic
    Hi Keeley,

    You haven't said how old you and your sisters are, so maybe you could let us know, then we could speak to you in terms that might be a little easier to understand (forgive me if this seems like a personal question, but if you and your sisters are minors, then words we might use for adults may be more confusing). Right now, your mum has just been given the diagnosis, so it is a scary time for her and for you all, but what you must remember is that the doctors and all the support staff will be putting together the best plan for your mum. That doesn't take away the fear right now because I think everyone on this board can say one of the things that is the worst is the "waiting". Waiting for test results. Waiting for scan results. Waiting for doctors to call. That "waiting" word just makes everything a lot scarier than once a plan has been put into place.

    Keeping calm is one of the best things you can do for everyone. Mum is definitely going to be scared when she thinks of the journey ahead, but she is also going to be really worried how you girls are taking the news. So as long as you are calm and let her know that you will be there for her, but don't show her panic, then that will give her a lot of relief.

    Yes, the staging makes a difference as far as what treatments she will get. But if you have read a lot of messages on this board, you will find that there are many of us here who all have experienced different stages, different numbers of surgeries, different kinds of chemo, or radiation... and we are still here to post and share with everyone. So, it's way too early for you or your sisters to start panicking or making yourselves sick over "What ifs".

    Keep us posted as to what news is given to your mom about her diagnosis and we'll be here for you to talk to, or maybe your mum would like to join us here one day too?

    Huggggs,

    Cheryl
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
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    roller coaster
    Getting a diagnosis of cancer is like stepping on to a roller coaster -- a frightening one. It has a surreal quality, and you feel like you are getting bombarded with information. It sounds like everything is going along as it should be right now -- it is good that she has had the colonoscopy and the biopsy, and that the two scans have been scheduled.

    It may be useful for you (or someone) to keep a journal or notebook -- to write down all the information that is flowing in, write down questions that you want to ask the doctors, keep track of all the appointment dates, etc.

    I understand the desire to keep things cheerful and happy. But sometimes it is important to talk openly about what is going on. I am sure you and the family will find the right balance.

    It is so very hard to be at this "waiting" stage -- where you are waiting to find out what stage the cancer is, and what the treatment plan will be. If it is stage 1, she will probably need surgery but no chemotherapy or radiation. If it is a later stage, she may need radiation and/or chemo, either before or after surgery. Whatever stage she is at, please know that there are many GOOD treatment options available, and the prognosis can be excellent. There are many individuals on this board who are living testimony of that!

    Please keep up posted and let us know if you have questions. Keep breathing in and out! Warm wishes and good luck to you, you mum and family.

    Tara (diagnosed 5+ years ago and Living Strong)
  • jenjerandkatesmom
    jenjerandkatesmom Member Posts: 37
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    Prayers are with you
    I am so sorry that you are here but glad that you found this site. Getting a diagnosis of cancer is truly an emotional roller coaster ride. It's important to get all of the support that you need. When I was told that I had cancer, my first thought was, "Oh, no..this is it, my life is over". I've heard many people say the same thing, but obviously by the number of survivors on this site..we were all wrong. Maybe it's normal to think the worst, but now is the time to change the normal. You can start by thinking the most positive thoughts because that's what gets us through treatment...lots of positive energy. (And lots of hugs). Waiting for the staging and treament plan caused the most anxiety for me. Once I knew the direction we were taking I felt much better. Always good to have a plan. Regardless of the stage of your Mom's disease, there are incredible options for treatment. In these early days while you and your family are getting over the shock, it's just important to take one day at a time and let each other know how much you love each other and that you will get through this together. Share your feelings openly and honestly and then sweep all the negative stuff out of the house! Your Mom is very blessed to have you. My prayers are with you. Hugs to all of you!
    -Sharon
  • Madre
    Madre Member Posts: 123
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    Keep the lines of communication open
    Communication with your family is key. I don't know the ages of your children but hosnesty (as much as they can handle) is important. Don't sugar coat this but don't go all doom and gllom either. Cancer is scary, but it is treatable and beatable. My daughter, 15, kept her feelings in because she didn't want to worry my, same with my husband. Well, I worry anyway, I'm a mom. We do that. So we had a long talk and we renewed out faith in God and we pulled together as a family. Talking and crying and just being there for each other. I just finished my chemo from stage 3b and looking forward to what is next. Good luck to you and your family. Once your mum gets staged you will know better what questions to ask. Don't believe everything you read on the internet either, it will scare you more than cancer itself. Your mum is individual and unique and so is her cancer. Find information and then have the docotr clarify it if appropriate. Prayers coming your way.
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
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    Breathe
    Deep breath. You'll need to remind yourself to do that for awhile. You're right, your family needs you to be as strong as you can muster right now. That really means, take your cues from your mum. I was 43 at dx. I needed to talk about it-- all the time. I'm sure I drove everyone nuts. It just seemed like the elephant in the room unless we discussed it and got it out of the way. I deal with everything with humor. my motto: "If it's not fun, I'm not doing it -- especially cancer!" During those early days family/friends had trouble seeing any humor in my situation, but I made lots of jokes myself and appreciated those that could join in. This is a good time to let your mum know that you are scared, you love her, and you'll be there, no matter what. She already knows, but it's still nice to hear.

    All My Best,

    Kimby
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
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    So much great advice...
    Our own private tumor board!!!!!

    Sorry to 'meet' like this, but welcome.

    I will just add one word from personal experience. Normal. I craved it. Something to talk about besides cancer. Obviously, you all have that down pat so far, but later, when things are settled a bit, it's going to be foreign to her.

    Hugs, Kathi
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  • Keeley200
    Keeley200 Member Posts: 6
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    Thank you!
    Thank you so much for all your advice. You people are so kind. I have tried to take all the advice on board and have to say I am feeling a little calmer today. There is me and my twin sister (25 yrs old) and my 17 year old sister and we all cooked her a lovely dinner this evening and tried to keep her spirits high as she has her first scan tomorrow and another thursday and then an appointment with the specialist on the 5th November (the day after her 50th birthday!) And I think we are going to have to go through a period of waiting and hoping and praying. I hope to god it is in the early stages but whatever happens I know the only thing me and my sisters can do is keep her spirits high and be positive and not dwell on any negatives. We still haven't discussed it much today.. but I feel that is what she wants until we know more. Your postings have made me feel more positive.. it has made me realise that cancer is not a death sentence as millions of people get through this and go on to live a healthy, normal life. We have to think positive because the negative is to hard to even contemplate. My mother is the sweetest nicest person in the world and God will be kind to her I am sure! I have been living in Italy for the past year and half but as soon as I found out i booked a one way ticket home and will stay home until she is better.. in fact I don't think I can ever live away from my mother again as all this has made me realise how much I love and cherish her and want to share my life with her always. I am so grateful to you all for your support and kind words. I still feel utterly powerless and wish I could do more to help my mum and cannot sleep at night.. in fact if I do sleep I wake up not being able to breathe properly and feeling full of panic but I guess that is down to stress.
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Keeley200 said:

    Thank you!
    Thank you so much for all your advice. You people are so kind. I have tried to take all the advice on board and have to say I am feeling a little calmer today. There is me and my twin sister (25 yrs old) and my 17 year old sister and we all cooked her a lovely dinner this evening and tried to keep her spirits high as she has her first scan tomorrow and another thursday and then an appointment with the specialist on the 5th November (the day after her 50th birthday!) And I think we are going to have to go through a period of waiting and hoping and praying. I hope to god it is in the early stages but whatever happens I know the only thing me and my sisters can do is keep her spirits high and be positive and not dwell on any negatives. We still haven't discussed it much today.. but I feel that is what she wants until we know more. Your postings have made me feel more positive.. it has made me realise that cancer is not a death sentence as millions of people get through this and go on to live a healthy, normal life. We have to think positive because the negative is to hard to even contemplate. My mother is the sweetest nicest person in the world and God will be kind to her I am sure! I have been living in Italy for the past year and half but as soon as I found out i booked a one way ticket home and will stay home until she is better.. in fact I don't think I can ever live away from my mother again as all this has made me realise how much I love and cherish her and want to share my life with her always. I am so grateful to you all for your support and kind words. I still feel utterly powerless and wish I could do more to help my mum and cannot sleep at night.. in fact if I do sleep I wake up not being able to breathe properly and feeling full of panic but I guess that is down to stress.

    You are your mother's super hero!
    Keeley... you and your sisters are the most precious gifts your mother could ever have been given and the fact you came home from Italy to be with her is proof positive what a wonderful lady she is... and she has 3 wonderful daughters!!

    Now, my dear, I have some more advice to give. Your mom is going to be in the best of hands, so I want you and your sisters to take some deep breaths.

    I would also suggest that you see your own doctor and let him/her know what is going on right now and that you are feeling stressed to the point you are waking up at night and cannot sleep. It's important that YOUR doctor knows this. It is not going to help your mom at all if she hears you up pacing at night and then asks why you aren't sleeping and you have to tell her that you are stressed or worried. That is only going to stress her more. So do tell your doctor.

    When your mom does get her staging, no matter what it is... you remind yourself and your sisters that knowledge is good, but as far as what you have to do or look at, is you take it all one day at a time. One test at a time. One scan at a time. One surgery at a time. Looking at the potential big picture is a total waste of time because it can change at the drop of a hat! The doctors will be treating your mom as a unique, individual, human beings, as they should... and if they feel that some other treatment may be better for her, they will change it. So there's no use getting it set in your mind what the whole journey is going to be like... because it is like the ocean. It looks like the waves are all uniform and the same, but each one is different.

    So, I think what all of us are trying to say... there may be lots of "stuff" that she has to go through and the number of appointments will be enough to make one's head spin (get a good datebook to keep track of them), but at no point is there a need to panic because you just have to tackle one hurdle at a time :)

    Hugggggs,

    Cheryl
  • cboo1974
    cboo1974 Member Posts: 56
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    With God's help
    Keeley,
    you have a lot going on in your mind right now and I know this is a very difficult time for you. I hoped when we chatted it helped you with some of your questions. Hang in there and believe me things will get better to manage. I'm not going to say the road will be easy because it won't but God, you and your sisters will help your mom through this. As you found out lastnight there are people who have survived stage 3 colon cancer so it is not hopeless. Life has changed for you now and it will take time to adjust, but you will and so will your mom. Make sure you do introduce her to this website and the chatroom because they both are very helpful. The chatroom is a good way to cheer up and just talk to others who will understand so it will be a positive reinforcement for your mom.It's not only good for those with cancer but also family members. We all stick together and help where we can. I've only been on the site for 2 weeks and have found so much support. You and your family will figure out everything from the right doctor to money, just give it time and give yourself time to come to grips with your moms cancer. With the technology today cancer is NOT a death sentence, many people beat cancer and survive!!! Sit down with your mom and sisters and talk. It's not good to keep everything all bottled up and chances are they want to talk but also think like you that it might be better not to. Do not keep the topic of cancer hushed like it used to be.. My grandfather had cancer 6 times while my father was growing up and he never knew anything about it. and look, my grandfather had cancer 6 different times all different cancers and survived to be 85 and see great great gradnchildren. Your mom can fight this with the love and support of you and your sisters. Remember take it one day at a time. Godd Bless you and your family. Hang in there. Hope to talk to you again soon.
    cboo1974 (Cindy)
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
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    Staging and Education
    Hi Keeley,

    I am sorry about the diagnosis for your mom. The worst thing any of you can do is try to ignore it. It is the 800 pound gorilla in the living room--it's there and you have to deal with it. The best way to deal with it is to educate yourselves (yes, all of you), and to keep open communications. Remember, the whole thing is a process taken one step at a time.

    Both the person who is diagnosed as well as his or her caretakers should be able to express what they are feeling. This does not mean hysteria, but concern. Let your mother know that she is allowed to speak of her feelings and fears openly. It is very hard if she cannot do that. You, in turn, should speak of your feelings and fears, as well. Open the diaglog. However, always return to the postive. Positive energy makes a LOT of difference when dealing with a cancer diagnosis.

    I urge all of you to educate yourselves about this cancer. However, don't dwell on anything until the cancer is staged. Staging will determine the course of treatment, and that will probably be after surgery. Yes, you can hope for Stage I, but if it is some other stage, then deal with that one day at a time. It is overwhelming to try to grasp everything at once.

    I am a Stage II-b survivor, and compared to others on this board my treatment was a "piece of cake." That is comparatively speaking. However, each person is different, so each course of treatment will vary to some degree.

    The main thing is this: Stay positive. This is a treatable disease. DO NOT pay attention to statistics--they are only numbers. We are people who want to survive, so numbers mean absolutely nothing in the fight.

    As a caregiver, you will need to take notes at the doctor's office; often, the diagnosed person will be in a daze and although he or she is nodding sagely, sometimes the information is not penetrating.

    Finally, this board was a Godsend to me in my cancer journey. Everyone is pulling for you, your mom and your siblings. Good advice, support, prayers and good energy are coming your way from every direction!

    Please keep us informed as your mother and your family take this journey. It is a strange journey and none of you will be the same afterwards. I am more grateful for each day, for my loved ones and everyone on this board. Don't hesitate to come here for anything--comfort, advice and support.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Kirsten
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
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    kmygil said:

    Staging and Education
    Hi Keeley,

    I am sorry about the diagnosis for your mom. The worst thing any of you can do is try to ignore it. It is the 800 pound gorilla in the living room--it's there and you have to deal with it. The best way to deal with it is to educate yourselves (yes, all of you), and to keep open communications. Remember, the whole thing is a process taken one step at a time.

    Both the person who is diagnosed as well as his or her caretakers should be able to express what they are feeling. This does not mean hysteria, but concern. Let your mother know that she is allowed to speak of her feelings and fears openly. It is very hard if she cannot do that. You, in turn, should speak of your feelings and fears, as well. Open the diaglog. However, always return to the postive. Positive energy makes a LOT of difference when dealing with a cancer diagnosis.

    I urge all of you to educate yourselves about this cancer. However, don't dwell on anything until the cancer is staged. Staging will determine the course of treatment, and that will probably be after surgery. Yes, you can hope for Stage I, but if it is some other stage, then deal with that one day at a time. It is overwhelming to try to grasp everything at once.

    I am a Stage II-b survivor, and compared to others on this board my treatment was a "piece of cake." That is comparatively speaking. However, each person is different, so each course of treatment will vary to some degree.

    The main thing is this: Stay positive. This is a treatable disease. DO NOT pay attention to statistics--they are only numbers. We are people who want to survive, so numbers mean absolutely nothing in the fight.

    As a caregiver, you will need to take notes at the doctor's office; often, the diagnosed person will be in a daze and although he or she is nodding sagely, sometimes the information is not penetrating.

    Finally, this board was a Godsend to me in my cancer journey. Everyone is pulling for you, your mom and your siblings. Good advice, support, prayers and good energy are coming your way from every direction!

    Please keep us informed as your mother and your family take this journey. It is a strange journey and none of you will be the same afterwards. I am more grateful for each day, for my loved ones and everyone on this board. Don't hesitate to come here for anything--comfort, advice and support.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Kirsten

    Not an Option.....
    Keeley,
    In this fight you have but one option and that is to put up your dukes and start fighting this thing. There is no giving up, that is not an option either. There are wayyyy to many of us walking around here that have taken him on and beat him. I had gone through every emotion known to man and even some not known but I finally realized that my weakness just allowed this disease to manipulate itself into my healing process. NOPE,NOT HAPPENING HERE....Im going to win this battle and I'll win the next one if in fact there ever is one. Im not letting something like this take over my life. My life is mine as your Mums is and she needs all of you to be strong for her as well as yourself. Never get your hopes up for something to happen because you will go through this whole ordeal feeling like you have been let down. What you have to do is not try and guess what the next scan or test holds but take it as another path to follow in hers and ya'lls road to complete recovery, because thats the way its gonna be and we won't take anything less for an answer.
    Remember, attitude has wonderful healing properties and attitude is 10% what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it.....Be strong and fight this thing with both fists, and try to laugh and smile as much as possible. That has a great healing effect also......Lots of luck and God Bless you all..........
  • vinny3
    vinny3 Member Posts: 928 Member
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    information
    Hi Keeley,

    Sorry to hear about your mother but happy you found this board. You can get alot of information about staging and treatment from the website of the National Cancer Institute (www.cancer.gov). Hopefully she is in an early stage which makes the treatment simpler. Where do you live? Treatment at a major cancer center can make a difference. When most of us have been given the diagnosis of cancer the first thought is that we are going to die. But, as you can see from this board, our death may be no more imminent than anyone else in this world. The main thing is that we are still living and enjoying life. It's just that our notion of what is "normal" often changes. Your mother is very lucky to have you as her caregiver and companion.

    ****
  • Keeley200
    Keeley200 Member Posts: 6
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    Thank you all once again for
    Thank you all once again for your kind words. Again your support is helping a lot. I am from UK but could not find a UK site that supports people like you do. My mum had her first MRI today which was very scary for her as she is clausophobic but she got through it ok.. now it is all becoming very real.. not that it wasn't before.. but now more so.. if that makes sense. I kept telling my mum how positive we must be as this a very curable cancer and she really shouted at me and told me I was not helping and I was making her feel worse as she does not want to get her hopes up and be let down and as I am not a doctor and am in no position to tell her everything will be ok.. at that point we finally had the conversation that we needed to have as everytime I mention the C word I feel like it hurts her but at the same time not to say it feels like we are ignoring what is happening. She told me whilst she is going through the waiting stage she does not want to dwell on it or speak about it and once we have results then we make an action plan etc which I really do understand. She said she can feel the cancer.. her abdomen is swollen and she can feel the pressue of the tumor even against her spine. She told me she wants to forgot it as much as she can until we have results and I understand that entirely. I want to help so much but can't. Right now i am feeling so much fear and pain (which must be nothing compared to hers).. i feel a strange pain in my throat i cannot swallow I cannot sleep and keep vomiting I want to help but am so useless. I can't bear the thought of me and my sisters losing my mum it was so hard when we lost our dad.. I know I should not think like that but these thoughts keep going through my head. I wish to god I could be strong and this would all go away and become a bad dream. I am trying to take everyones positive words on board.. I really am but i feel like i am losing my mind. I know you are all going through so much more than I and I feel so bad to be so weak. I know I need to be strong for my mum but at times I feel so utterly weak and powerless. I hope I will become stronger.
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Keeley200 said:

    Thank you all once again for
    Thank you all once again for your kind words. Again your support is helping a lot. I am from UK but could not find a UK site that supports people like you do. My mum had her first MRI today which was very scary for her as she is clausophobic but she got through it ok.. now it is all becoming very real.. not that it wasn't before.. but now more so.. if that makes sense. I kept telling my mum how positive we must be as this a very curable cancer and she really shouted at me and told me I was not helping and I was making her feel worse as she does not want to get her hopes up and be let down and as I am not a doctor and am in no position to tell her everything will be ok.. at that point we finally had the conversation that we needed to have as everytime I mention the C word I feel like it hurts her but at the same time not to say it feels like we are ignoring what is happening. She told me whilst she is going through the waiting stage she does not want to dwell on it or speak about it and once we have results then we make an action plan etc which I really do understand. She said she can feel the cancer.. her abdomen is swollen and she can feel the pressue of the tumor even against her spine. She told me she wants to forgot it as much as she can until we have results and I understand that entirely. I want to help so much but can't. Right now i am feeling so much fear and pain (which must be nothing compared to hers).. i feel a strange pain in my throat i cannot swallow I cannot sleep and keep vomiting I want to help but am so useless. I can't bear the thought of me and my sisters losing my mum it was so hard when we lost our dad.. I know I should not think like that but these thoughts keep going through my head. I wish to god I could be strong and this would all go away and become a bad dream. I am trying to take everyones positive words on board.. I really am but i feel like i am losing my mind. I know you are all going through so much more than I and I feel so bad to be so weak. I know I need to be strong for my mum but at times I feel so utterly weak and powerless. I hope I will become stronger.

    Time for some help!
    Hey Keeley,

    You know what?? Right at this moment I think YOU are going through so much more than we are here. Oh sure, we've have the diagnosis's, and the fears, and then the journey with all kinds of symptoms/effects, etc. but most of us all have plans so are out of the "terror" stage.

    You, my dear, are going through terror because you are having to deal with something you have no control over, and as your mother says, you are not a doctor so you can't even have that to fall back on.

    SO, my dear, I want you to listen and listen closely. Right now, your mum is scared, but she has a whole team of doctors and specialists that are going to be taking care of her. YOU, on the other hand, are having to deal with this on your own and right now, while you are so scared, even our words that normally might be comforting are not helping you with your fear.

    Would you do something for me? Would you please make an appt. with your family doctor and go talk to him/her, let him/her know what YOU are going through right now.... the terror, the not being able to sleep, the overwhelming feeling that you are losing your mind (you aren't, but I understand how it can feel that way), that you feel so powerless and weak, that you can't seem to feel like you have anything to offer your mum because you are just so terrified of the "What if...".

    Seriously... your doctor will totally understand and he/she will be able to give you a mild anti-anxiety med and will also be able to adjust it until they get just the right dosage for you. This med does not make you loopy or drugged or anything like that... what it does is takes the edge off the anxiety and fear so that you can actually face what is going on without dissolving into a bowl of jello every time you think about it.

    A LOT of us have pooh-poohed the idea and thought, "Hey, *I* don't need any anti-anxiety kind of meds... I need to be with it to understand what is going on!!" only to find ourselves a complete mess and in no condition to understand anything. When I finally went to my doctor, in total tears, he got me on the med asap and told me afterwards it was the most painful thing to see me, who he has known for 31 years, in so much pain and terror. He knows me and he knows I am not one who normally falls apart... and my attitude is always upbeat and positive.... and here I was, not able to even say "Hi" without breaking into tears or sobs.

    It does not mean you have to be on the med from now til whenever... it will just re-balance the chemicals in your brain that have gotten a severe shaking up because of the shock of hearing this news about your mum.

    If I never give you a bit of great advice again, I beg of you to please go talk to your doctor about this so he can make you strong and well again... I can soooo feel your pain and fear all the way across the pond, across North America to over here on the West Coast of Canada... and *I* know there is a very easy fix for it!!!

    Please, Keeley... will you do this? Give it a couple of days and I promise you will be the strong, loving daughter that you want to be and that you already are!

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
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    Time for some help!
    Hey Keeley,

    You know what?? Right at this moment I think YOU are going through so much more than we are here. Oh sure, we've have the diagnosis's, and the fears, and then the journey with all kinds of symptoms/effects, etc. but most of us all have plans so are out of the "terror" stage.

    You, my dear, are going through terror because you are having to deal with something you have no control over, and as your mother says, you are not a doctor so you can't even have that to fall back on.

    SO, my dear, I want you to listen and listen closely. Right now, your mum is scared, but she has a whole team of doctors and specialists that are going to be taking care of her. YOU, on the other hand, are having to deal with this on your own and right now, while you are so scared, even our words that normally might be comforting are not helping you with your fear.

    Would you do something for me? Would you please make an appt. with your family doctor and go talk to him/her, let him/her know what YOU are going through right now.... the terror, the not being able to sleep, the overwhelming feeling that you are losing your mind (you aren't, but I understand how it can feel that way), that you feel so powerless and weak, that you can't seem to feel like you have anything to offer your mum because you are just so terrified of the "What if...".

    Seriously... your doctor will totally understand and he/she will be able to give you a mild anti-anxiety med and will also be able to adjust it until they get just the right dosage for you. This med does not make you loopy or drugged or anything like that... what it does is takes the edge off the anxiety and fear so that you can actually face what is going on without dissolving into a bowl of jello every time you think about it.

    A LOT of us have pooh-poohed the idea and thought, "Hey, *I* don't need any anti-anxiety kind of meds... I need to be with it to understand what is going on!!" only to find ourselves a complete mess and in no condition to understand anything. When I finally went to my doctor, in total tears, he got me on the med asap and told me afterwards it was the most painful thing to see me, who he has known for 31 years, in so much pain and terror. He knows me and he knows I am not one who normally falls apart... and my attitude is always upbeat and positive.... and here I was, not able to even say "Hi" without breaking into tears or sobs.

    It does not mean you have to be on the med from now til whenever... it will just re-balance the chemicals in your brain that have gotten a severe shaking up because of the shock of hearing this news about your mum.

    If I never give you a bit of great advice again, I beg of you to please go talk to your doctor about this so he can make you strong and well again... I can soooo feel your pain and fear all the way across the pond, across North America to over here on the West Coast of Canada... and *I* know there is a very easy fix for it!!!

    Please, Keeley... will you do this? Give it a couple of days and I promise you will be the strong, loving daughter that you want to be and that you already are!

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl

    I agree with Cheryl....
    Caregiver is the WORST job, by far...

    My daughter can tell you....she was mine....

    I remember feeling so trapped, I would verbally strike out at her...or say the classic "You don't know what I'm going thru, I have cancer!!!!!!!!"

    I would see her face, and feel just awful. I found myself warning everyone that I could explode at any moment...and that I was 'saying my sorries' (as my daughter used to say) beforehand.

    She went to a counsellor at her school and talked about it....all the fear of losing her mom, how her mom looked so awful, how she felt so useless...it REALLY helped her...

    Hugs, Kathi