Sigh. I am a 20 year survivor of nhl and the late effects can get me down big time at certain times. Can't seem to get ahead of things as most of the late effects are lasting and have no fix, heart damage from chemo, early arthritis from radiation, chronic fatigue syndrome from it all, respiratory issues that aren't getting better, yada yada yada. I am so sick of it all, sicker of the doctors and their sometimes invalidating ways and somedays just feel like curling up in a fetal position, blankey over me and sucking my thumb for the rest of my days. Know the feeling? I have a positive attitude most days which is pretty unreal when I look at all my trauma and situations but every now and again I have one of THESE days, ick. Sick of staying home but not well enough to get out for long, blah blah blah blah blah. 20 year surivor? - YAY and the occassional - SIGH. Anyone out there feel the same way in similar situations? Please don't say 'you are lucky to be alive', I know that but I feel that we need to also be able to confront those days when the price we paid for living comes at such a high fee. Know what I mean?