family member of someone just diagnosed today - what can we do long distance for her?

yankeerose72
yankeerose72 Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I just found out that my cousin has been diagnosed with colon cancer. the news is devastating because she is only 39 years old and mother of two teenage boys. my sister and i are just shocked and want to do something to help. For those of you who have or had this cancer, what things would you like to receive in a care package? we want to do something. we are in PA and she is in Indiana. Food, music, stuffed animals?? Any ideas would be great. We just feel helpless and shell shocked.

Thanks so much.
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Comments

  • PGLGreg
    PGLGreg Member Posts: 731
    #2
    Stuffed animals.
    I would have most appreciated stuffed animals. I have a vague intuition from my boyhood in Ohio that Pennsylvania and Indiana are not that far apart.
    -Greg
  • 4law
    4law Member Posts: 110
    #3
    what you can do for her
    Everyone is different. Other than my wife, I didn't want anyone to know until I had my port inserted and began chemo. I chose who I wanted to inform at my own pace. Unless you already talked to her, she may not be in the mood right now to talk to well-wishers. My advice is simply to ask her what she needs you to do to help her get through this. Let her know that you will be there for her. A more concrete suggestion is to encourage her to join our group -- I think it will pay her dividends as she travels down the road toward recovery. If she's not comfortable with computers, help her set up her account.
  • JMARIE66
    JMARIE66 Member Posts: 55
    #4
    Help
    My husband was diagnosed 11-30-07 w/colon cancer at age 40. We have 3 children. I tried to keep life as normal as possible and we were lucky to have allot of support from family, friends and neighbors in the form of meals, well wishes, cards and prayers. My neighbors got together and prepared meals for the family in the begining while he underwent surgery and was in the hospital. They then continued to make meals on Chemo weeks. What a help that was!!! Maybe you can send your cousin some gift cards for pizza, places the boys can run and pick up dinner so she does not have that added pressure. Chemo gets expensize and you cannot afford to buy everything out all the time. I also did some changes to our diet in preparing more fish and chicken-rather than red meat-I tried to add allot more fruit and vegetables~does she have a Whole Foods by her? Send notes, cards, and call to check in. Movie tickets?? My husband picked up a few books and our entire family read The Last Lecture. He also read Lance Armstong's It's not about the Bike. I think the most important is your concern and prayers. She may not always want to talk, but it is nice to know others are there for you.
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #5
    what can you do for your sister?
    There were two things that I most appreciated: a portable DVD player that i used to watch movies during treatments(there were 4 hours long), and my brother made arrangements with a local day spa for me to have treatments of my choice when I was feeling well enough to have them. Wonderful!
    Mary
  • jenhopesprays
    jenhopesprays Member Posts: 128 Member
    #6
    What a coincidence!
    I was diagnosed just last year at 39 with stage IV colon cancer and I have three teenagers(well one is just 12 but she thinks she's a teenager). I think cards are great. I have one friend who sends one every few weeks and its been one year for me.

    I think every person diagnosed with this disease should know about sites like these. Although not right away you may want to pass this info to her husband or caregivers to see if she is into it.

    These ones are my favorites:

    http://listserv.acor.org/archives/colon.html
    Excellent place to pose questions!

    More support and a place to ask questions:
    http://colonclub.com

    This is more info about me. I would be happy to be her buddy:
    http://www.mycrcconnections.com/profile/JenniferWeir

    Sending emails and not expecting return comments always made me and makes me feel supported. Remember she is currently inundated and overwhelmed. Be the person who sends the card in 6 months as well as now.

    Big hugs,

    Jennifer
  • LynnN
    LynnN Member Posts: 13
    #7
    Your cousin
    I was diagnosed with stage 4 CC almost three years ago. One of my friends dropped off blueberries, flowers and my daughter's fave muffins at my front door during every treatment. I loved it...every two weeks i couldn't wait to see what surprise awaited me at my front door! The other thing that I would have loved was someone to clean my house....maybe that has nothing to do with a cancer diagnosis...I STILL want someone to clean my house and I finished my last chemo treatment 2 years ago. Treat your cousin no differently....just let her know you are thinking of her more often!
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    #8
    help from a distance
    I've received 2 things that have REALLY helped.

    1. My SIL lives 4 hours away so she is paying for me to hire a housekeeper during treatments. This can be costly but maybe several of you could go together?

    2. My BFF organized meals to come into the house 3 nights a week during treatments last year. She arranged a very large group so it was someone different every Wednesday, she did every other Monday and alternated with several others and another dear friend brought something every Friday. Some people made homemade meals, some brought take out, some heated frozen lasagna. It was just so helpful to not have to worry about everyone being fed and going to the grocery store.

    Kimby
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
    #9
    A few suggestions
    Of course, everyone's likes and dislikes are different but here are a couple of things off the top of my head that made me feel very special. I live on my own in a one bedroom apartment with my wonderful miniature schnauser and my multi-handicapped cockatiel. I love them both to pieces, but on those days when I was just feeling tired, or out of it... or queasy. Most days I did really well while on chemo and noticed no difference while going through the daily radiation... but I am soooo blessed with a kajillion friends, both in town and out of town. So here, in no particular order, is what they did for me:

    1) bought me "Calling Cards" so that when I was in the hospital, I could still call long distance to friends who can't be here in person.

    2) I missed my annual jaunt to Hawaii in January 2007 because I was in the hospital having the intestinal resection... so my girlfriend from Chicago sent me a 6 foot Palm Tree to my hotel room so that I could pretend I was in Hawaii ;)

    3) Closer to home, the neighbours in my apartment building all worked out a schedule so that Bridget (my miniature schnauzer) got her 3 walks every day, and one of my other neighbours took over coming downstairs to look after CB, my multi-handicapped cockatiel.

    4) Others set up a schedule for being the driver to drive me to/from the BC Cancer Agency where I would get my four hours of IV chemo before being switched over to the pump that I'd take home for the next 3 days.

    5) A girlfriend crocheted me the most gorgeous, comfy, soft blanket for those days when you just wanted to snuggle under a blanket... or when the Oxipilatin made me so sensitive to the cold.

    6) My friend, Greg, who is an Aveeda trained hair stylist would come over and trim my hair so that the parts that were thin, you'd never notice. Or, if my hair wasn't in need of a trim he would pamper me with by straight-ironing it.

    Any of the above were muchly appreciated... and if there's any way you can organize them from a distance, then I bet she would be most appreciative. Let's face it, EVERYONE loves to be pampered, but it's just that much more special when you aren't feeling well and your friends/family do this for you.
  • tlbear
    tlbear Member Posts: 1
    #10
    This is what has helped me....
    I was diagnosed on 7-24-08. Have had surgery and started my first chemo two days ago. I am 42 and a mother of three kids from 23 to 12. And will be a new Grandma in April! Here are the things that I have received so far that have kept my spirits high: I am a Christian so of course lots of prayer (the stories I have heard of prayer chains I have been put on from people I barely know and some people just heard about me through a friend of a friend type thing have been so neat), tons of cards, I received at least one card a day for the first couple of months after my diagnosis and still get one every few days ~ flowers ~ calls ~ meals. One of my business colleagues from across the country sent me a cd player, rechargable batteries and a book on tape. Personalized gifts. One of my sisters lives out of state and she sent a care package of all sorts of neat little gifts like candles, notepads, magazines, books, a nightgown, candles, flowers made of hershey's kisses, just cute stuff. Like you said about the distance thing, it has been very hard for my sister to be far away from me during this time. She also sends frequent cards and has even paid for a getaway for me and my family to a neat state park here that has cabins. It is awkward for me to tell people what I need as I am a very independent person so it is really nice when someone just does something without asking for direction. Even when my fridge was full of food people had prepared for me and more came, I just freeze it for later. Bills are stacking up every day so the person who mentioned gift certificates had a great idea! You could even send homemade cookies through the mail. Good luck and prayers to your family member!
  • mk1117
    mk1117 Member Posts: 46
    #11
    How to help your cousin
    I was diagnosed with stage 3 cc almost 4 years ago. The things that still stand out to me as being so helpful:

    Meals - it didn't matter if they were homemade or not, it was just so nice not to think about what to fix. Cards sent on a regular basis. Someone I don't even know (she knew what I was going through, since she was a cancer survivor as well) sent me cards every other week or so throughout my chemo treatments. My in-laws arranged for someone to clean my house for me -which was wonderful! I live in KY, and a former co-worker and friend drove down from Cincinnati to take me to chemo on two different days. That was a wonderful gift of her time and meant so much to me. One of the best gifts I received during chemo was an electric blanket from my husband (the side effects from the chemo caused an adverse reaction to cold.) Books, magazines, maybe a CD loaded with your cousin's favorite songs would be appreciated as well.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #12
    a pillow!
    The night before my surgery, my son came into my hospital room with a small pillow that was embroidered with the message "World's No. 1 Mom." Not only did I love the message he chose (to buy, not embroider!), the pillow was also a lifesaver after the surgery. When I needed to cough or laugh, I clutched it to my tummy, and it helped the pain. I still sleep with that pillow every night.

    Gail
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #13
    tootsie1 said:

    a pillow!
    The night before my surgery, my son came into my hospital room with a small pillow that was embroidered with the message "World's No. 1 Mom." Not only did I love the message he chose (to buy, not embroider!), the pillow was also a lifesaver after the surgery. When I needed to cough or laugh, I clutched it to my tummy, and it helped the pain. I still sleep with that pillow every night.

    Gail

    a pillow
    That reminds me of a gift my youngest daughter gave me during surgery, one of those animals that velcro together to look like a lion, and it lays flat as a pillow! Very soft and definitely came in handy for the abdomen during coughing and laughing. But the funniest was I would position it so it looked like it was staring at someone in the room and when the person noticed we would laugh and eventually change its position so it was looking at someone else. It still sits in my living room watching me watch television!
    Mary
  • Madre
    Madre Member Posts: 123
    #14
    My sister lives in Maine and
    My sister lives in Maine and I live in NY. She came for a week when I first got out of the hospital from surgery which was a life saver! Now she sends me uplifting cards on Chemo weeks. She gave up smoking when I got diagnosed and she used to send me her smoking money to offset my co-pay amounts. I have since made her stop doing that. But it was helpful in the beginning.
    My friends set up meals which was so helpful. My aunt gave a me a daily prayer book. Everyday of the week has a spiritual message, short and sweet. Also meditation CD (nature sounds, instrumentals, helps me relax).
    I also receive cards sent and a basket I keep them in. One friends sends me a card every week - just thinking of you. Sometimes there are gift cards to the grocery store or gas cards since I am at the hospital twice a week everyother week.
    Oh, my husbands softball team all chipped in on got us one of the mastercard gift cards that you can use anywhere and that was a huge help for my prescriptions.
    Phone calls always help with the reminder that if you don't feel like talking or you are resting just let it go the answering machine.

    Just knowing you aren't alone is so uplifting. Hang in there and keep posting on this boards, it helps a ton!
  • bigCrandy
    bigCrandy Member Posts: 75
    #15
    what works for me
    The two best gifts I can think of is a nice NIV bible and a cute small de-clawed, fixed cat. They make good companions and like to cuddle. Love comes in different ways, plus they don't talk back.(Ha) Knowing she has a loving supportive family will mean everything to her and she will have the courage and attitude to live strong and not give up. It's a battle worth fighting. My prayers are with her and her family. May God Bless each of you. love, Randy
  • jenhopesprays
    jenhopesprays Member Posts: 128 Member
    #16
    bigCrandy said:

    what works for me
    The two best gifts I can think of is a nice NIV bible and a cute small de-clawed, fixed cat. They make good companions and like to cuddle. Love comes in different ways, plus they don't talk back.(Ha) Knowing she has a loving supportive family will mean everything to her and she will have the courage and attitude to live strong and not give up. It's a battle worth fighting. My prayers are with her and her family. May God Bless each of you. love, Randy

    Big C Randy
    Hey Big C Randy,

    Of course you know the Big C is the guy in your NIV.... not cancer. I like to call it the little C.

    God help me....I couldn't resist.

    Jen
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #17
    pajama gram
    When I was diagnosed a year ago (doing well, though!), the outpouring of care from my friends was so important to me! Cards and emails were definitely important. If you're wanting to send a "care" package, though, some advice from my perspective... I got many, many lotions and shower gel type baskets- way more than I could use & some of which bothered my allergies. I was grateful, of course, anyhow because it was the thought behind it that counted. One gift, however, that I thought was a lot of fun was a "pajama gram". It was an actual pajama gram (you could probably find it online if you googled pajama gram). The pj's were cute & comfortable & came in a cute container. Just a thought-
    Best wishes to your cousin- I know firsthand how devastating it can be. I remember being devastated at hearing my daughter's friend's mom had breast cancer & then I ended up getting my own rectal cancer diagnosis shortly thereafter. Take it from me- most people appreciate hearing from their loved ones & are a little sad about the relatives and/or friends that just never call or send that card because they probably "don't know what to say". I still feel a little sad, over a year later, about the couple of friends whom I never heard from. I now feel too weird to let them know how well I'm doing, since they didn't seem to show they cared when I was so ill.
    Take care & God bless (God CAN and DOEs do amazing things!!!)
    Lisa
  • tlsart
    tlsart Member Posts: 33
    #18
    Long Distance Help
    I have to say my sister-in-law was the best she sent me a warm fuzzy blanket in a carryon size bag to take on chemo days (it's always cold in Onc's office). She tried everytime I was in hospital to send something like new pink girly pj's. She even bought me an ipod nano which I still carry everyday I can download my favorit cd's from my laptop onto it and go. I have a cousin and several friends that send cards every week. It's really great to know even when your lonly and blue someone cares about you and your issue's. I have a friend that owns a florist and about once a month she sends a pink rose via her delivery person, whom I've become friends with also his wife is terminal from scorosis of liver.
    It would be a god send for you to send food coupons and meal cards for some restaurants her sons like even if it's MceDee's. There will be lots of times just the thought of having to fix dinner for them will be a chore. Someone sent me some new rosary beads I had the priest bless for me. Books are great and so are prayer books. Hope that helps. Just making sure she knows you love her might be enough most of the time. Your family is in my prayers! Theresa
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #19
    blanket
    Someone else's post just reminded me that a friend of mine made me a personalized blanket. It was great- yes, the chemo office is always freezing & I liked taking my own blanket, rather than just using one they had in the office. The blanket my friend gave me was "made" & was longer than most throw blankets. I could actually have it wrap under my feet and still was able to pull it up under my chin- great gift (also fun because I had just returned from Hawaii right before my diagnosis, so the fabric she chose for the blanket had fish & coral all over it to commemorate when I had gone snorkeling in Hawaii).
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    #20
    jenhopesprays said:

    Big C Randy
    Hey Big C Randy,

    Of course you know the Big C is the guy in your NIV.... not cancer. I like to call it the little C.

    God help me....I couldn't resist.

    Jen

    big c
    I LOVE that answer! I never,ever capitalize cancer. Lower case, low significance.
  • Joy1216
    Joy1216 Member Posts: 290 Member
    #21
    Fun Basket
    We just prepared a basket for the 19-year old daughter of one of the ladies in my church group. Her daughter has lymphoma and is hospitalized one week out of every four. We put fun stuff in the basket - inspirational books, pajama bottoms, hand held games, magazines, fuzzy socks, lots and lots of chocolate, gift cards,etc. You get the idea. She and her mom absolutely loved the basket because it entertained them at the hospital.

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