Depressed...

I think you came to the
I think you came to the right place! We talk about BC a lot here. We work through any emotional problems that we either don't want our family to deal with or our families don't want to deal with. We answer questions for each other that our doc.s don't seem to deal with. You can write absolutely anything, upbeat, downbeat, no matter. There is just so much emotional healing that needs to take place. One time, due to a trip, and the board being down, I was away from this forum for about two weeks. It was not a good time for me. Sometimes I think about how child psychologists give angry kids those big soft pretend clubs and tell them - go ahead, club away your feelings. Well, we all have some pretty intense feelings that can hurt ourselves and our families if we were to use a real club. When I come here, I can hammer away and no one gets hurt. And the thing that makes my club into a big soft harmless one is the love that I feel for my friends here and that I feel from them.
So welcome! You are most certainly NOT alone. Love, your new friend, Joyce

You are not alone in your
You are not alone in your feelings. As the others have said, welcome to the site, and I am sorry that you are feeling down. I can relate to you as I too often feel depressed. Low grade depression came and went for me too before the cancer and seems to be around more often since going through treatment. I definitely get the feeling that people close to me consider my breast cancer to be in the past and tend to look annoyed if I bring up anything related to the subject. Don't get me wrong, everyone was fantastic when I was going through it all, but they don't understand that it will always be a concern for me and it will never go away emotionally. The fear of recurrence is not something that you can just "get over". You have found a great place to express your feelings with people who understand you because we have all been there. This site is a Godsend for me and I know it will bring you comfort also. Visit often, and remember we are all here for eachother. It does get a bit easier as time goes on. I am about 2 and 1/2 yrs from diagnosis and it is beginning to be easier for me the last few months. But alas, our lives are forever changed, we must learn to adapt I guess. Take care, Eileen

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY YOU DO
HI THERE HRTBRKN_43, I WAS DX MAY 1ST, HAD TWO LUMPECTOMIES, HAD FLUID BUILD UP REMOVED FROM THAT BREAST AND JUST STARTED RADIATION LAST WEEK. GOD DO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING HERE. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN MORE THEN SUPPORTIVE, BEEN TO EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT, BUT............WHENEVER I BRING SOMETHING UP ABOUT THIS BREAST CANCER, HE TOO TALKS ONLY POSITIVE THINGS, AND BECAUSE OF THE SURGERIES FEELS AS THOUGH EVERYTHING IS FINE NOW. OUR THREE KIDS LIVE UP NORTH (WE ARE IN FLORIDA), AND THEY CALL ALL THE TIME SINCE THEY ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT ME. WHEN THEY CALL, I JUST TELL THEM I'M DOING FINE CAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM TO WORRY BEING SO FAR FROM US. BUT HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW IF HAVING OSTEOARTHRITIS, FIBROMYALGIA AND 6 RUPTURED DISCS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS, BUT LIKE AFTER MY SECOND, AND I MEAN SECOND TREATMENT, EVERY SINGLE BONE IN MY BODY HURTS. I FEEL SO DOWN, SO WEAK AND I'M JUST NOT LIKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE THAT WE CAN TALK TO OTHERS THAT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!!

HUGS, BLESSING AND PRAYERS TO YOU,

WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER (UNFORTUNATLY) SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO VENT, SCREAM WHAT EVER ON HERE ANYWAY.

YOU DEFINETLY ARE NOT ALONE :-)

OH AND ALSO I TOO AM ER+ AND PR+. HOW ARE YOU DOING ON THE TAMOXIFEN?

HRTBRKN_43 said:

Depressed
I am doing alright with the Tamoxifen, the hotflashes and headaches aren't fun though.

side effects
i'm sure they're not. just another thing for me to look forward too. :-(. Besides those side effects, how's everything else today?



hugs, blessings and prayers,

janny

Depressed
Heartbroken:
Welcome, and I too relate to everything you expressed.
I just finished the 7 mos. of tests, surgeries, chemo, neuprogen shots and radiation and a scare with a lump in my "other" breast, last week; and while I would love to jump in the nearest phone booth and rip off my pink costume with the big S (survivor) on the chest and go back to being me; it's just not happening!! That darn pink elephant is still in the room and even if I am the only one who can see him, he is definitely still there. Then of course there is the physical side, hair gone, nails gross, skin aged about 20 years from lack of hormones and soon to get worse with Arimidex, bones hurt everyone of them all the time so my new walk is more of a senior citizen shuffle, tired oh my gosh yes, but still I go to work, exercise everyday and eat healthy because I do want to live; finances in ruin; family and friends have moved on so why can't I?. Now I try and find my happy face in all of this, but some days it just isn't working. So what is my salvation--this site, you wonderful women. You don't judge, you offer unconditional love and support and you convince me that I can do this and that it will get better.
So heartbroken, from one BC sister to another here's a big hug!
ladydi1

You're not alone
I think everyone who has this diagnosis sometimes feels that way. My wonderful husband has sort of closed the lid on my cancer--it's a done deal in his mind. He has no clue how often it dominates my thoughts. Every ache and pain makes me imagine the worst.

1. I think you need to talk to your regular doctor and possibly see about some meds to battle the depression. (I am on lexapro. A side benefit is that the dr. says it helps some with hot flashes. I hate to think what those flashes would be without it!)

2. I don't know if you have faith in the Lord or not, but if you do try reading Philippians. I'll print off a few verses below:

Chapter 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Verse 8 especially. Get in the habit of thinking on true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable things. Get your mind off the track it's stuck on. Depression was explained to me that your mind gets in a rut, going to negativity all the time.

3. Make some new friends. Join a class. Go to a Bible study. Call up some old friends from the past. Have a neighborhood coffee with strangers. It's OK to talk to them about your BC, but don't make it the only topic. Caring about others gets our minds off ourselves.

4. Make yourself get out and exercise each day--even just a short walk. The sunshine helps. Exercising increases endorphins that make us feel better. Smile and say hello to everyone you pass--maybe they could become a walking buddy for you.

You are loved. You'll get through this.