Depressed...

HRTBRKN_43

I feel so alone.I found this site and after reading thought this could help me.I was Dx in Nov.2007 & had a lumpectomy on Dec. 12th 2007 the nodes and margins were clear, I had stage 1 BC and am ER(+) after surgery I did 34 rounds of radiation therapy, my last round was April fools day 2008. I am now currently taking Tamoxifen. My husband is very supportive still if the subject is raised, he tries to make everything positive, which drives me nuts sometimes.
Other family members including my grown children act as if the fight for my life is over now!!! My cancer is never talked about except for an occasional "My mom has BC"!!! My son has quit calling or coming to see me. I have very few friends and the ones I do have BC is not the topic of conversation...It's like it never happened. I am really depressed all the time, I had problems with depression before the dx but now it seems to be getting worse, could it be because I feel like if I talk about my BC and survival people think I want them to pitty me??? I just want to be understood and supported.Any suggestions and /or feedback would be greatly appreciated???

NorcalJ

Talking
You've definitely come to the right place. Not only can you talk about, rail about, and, sometimes it seems weird, laugh about it, but there's LOTS of great people here who understand.
The problem with family and friends, as well meaning as they are, they haven't been here. Husbands, being men, want to solve the problem, not just listen to us vent. Give them all a hug and a smile, and come here and vent, cry, yell, whatever makes you feel better. No one can fully understand and empathize like someone who's been in your shoes. Welcome to th BC shoe store!

We're all sorry that you have to join us for this reason, but really glad you've found us.

Hang around, you'll simply be amazed at the understanding, knowledgeable, and truely supportive women (and man) who visit this site.

Big HUGS

Joycelouise

I think you came to the
I think you came to the right place! We talk about BC a lot here. We work through any emotional problems that we either don't want our family to deal with or our families don't want to deal with. We answer questions for each other that our doc.s don't seem to deal with. You can write absolutely anything, upbeat, downbeat, no matter. There is just so much emotional healing that needs to take place. One time, due to a trip, and the board being down, I was away from this forum for about two weeks. It was not a good time for me. Sometimes I think about how child psychologists give angry kids those big soft pretend clubs and tell them - go ahead, club away your feelings. Well, we all have some pretty intense feelings that can hurt ourselves and our families if we were to use a real club. When I come here, I can hammer away and no one gets hurt. And the thing that makes my club into a big soft harmless one is the love that I feel for my friends here and that I feel from them.
So welcome! You are most certainly NOT alone. Love, your new friend, Joyce

chenheart

We Hear You, Sister!!!
Oh Sweet Sister~we are sooo in your corner! We have run the gamut of emotions in here, and the fact that our families oftentimes either treat us with kid gloves, or with a "get over it" attitude, comes as no surprise to anyone in here! Whew...that was a long-winded sentence, wasn't it?!! :-)

First things First : CONGRATS ON BEING A SURVIVOR!!!! Happy Dance!!!!! For the record, most of us in here would never say you HAVE Breast Cancer, but that you HAD it! And regardless of how much your family does or does not involve themselves in recoginition of that,you are indeed a survivor!

It is a tightrope walk to be sure. What do YOU want? We can't have it all~ how do YOU want to be identified? If you want to move past cancer, and not have it identify you, be that happy woman who not only survived, but is doing other things, and finding new interests.

If you feel you need to be more connected to the cancer community, take heart! You can cetainly come in here whenever you want and find Kindred Spirits to relate to. We have all walked in your shoes, and we do understand the rollercoaster you are on! You might also consider volunteering at a local Cancer Center, or the ACS office where you can be an encouagement to those who need you to help them through their journey.

Cancer is something that happened in your life, as it did ours. But you are not Cancer!

Depression has touched many of us~ please think about meds, or group or exercise...something to help you be the most amazing woman you can be!

I hope this helps...you are not alone!
Hugs,
Claudia

Eil4186

You are not alone in your
You are not alone in your feelings. As the others have said, welcome to the site, and I am sorry that you are feeling down. I can relate to you as I too often feel depressed. Low grade depression came and went for me too before the cancer and seems to be around more often since going through treatment. I definitely get the feeling that people close to me consider my breast cancer to be in the past and tend to look annoyed if I bring up anything related to the subject. Don't get me wrong, everyone was fantastic when I was going through it all, but they don't understand that it will always be a concern for me and it will never go away emotionally. The fear of recurrence is not something that you can just "get over". You have found a great place to express your feelings with people who understand you because we have all been there. This site is a Godsend for me and I know it will bring you comfort also. Visit often, and remember we are all here for eachother. It does get a bit easier as time goes on. I am about 2 and 1/2 yrs from diagnosis and it is beginning to be easier for me the last few months. But alas, our lives are forever changed, we must learn to adapt I guess. Take care, Eileen

tlmac

Depressed...
Dear HRTBRKN, This is definitely a wonderful site where you'll always find support and understanding. You might also be interested in speaking with other women in your area who have or are currently battling breast cancer. The American Cancer Society sponsors Reach to Recovery, a program that puts breast cancer survivors in touch with each other. It was through a visit from my Reach to Recovery volunteer that I learned about a monthly meeting for breast cancer survivors in my area. Sometimes we discuss common issues (sometimes we vent) and sometimes we have a speaker who presents programs relevant to our recovery and continued good health. We've all been down a similar road and I've found it's nice to have special friends who understand what I'm going through.
If you're interested in meeting other breast cancer survivors for fellowship and support, you can call the ACS at 1-800-227-2345 or visit their website. "In My Community" at http://www.cancer.org/docroot/com/com_0.asp lets you type in your city, state and/or zip code and will give you information on support groups in your area.
The most important thing for you to remember is you are not alone. This site is up and running 24 x 7 and there's always someone listening who cares.
Best of luck.
terri

jannyfran

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY YOU DO
HI THERE HRTBRKN_43, I WAS DX MAY 1ST, HAD TWO LUMPECTOMIES, HAD FLUID BUILD UP REMOVED FROM THAT BREAST AND JUST STARTED RADIATION LAST WEEK. GOD DO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING HERE. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN MORE THEN SUPPORTIVE, BEEN TO EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT, BUT............WHENEVER I BRING SOMETHING UP ABOUT THIS BREAST CANCER, HE TOO TALKS ONLY POSITIVE THINGS, AND BECAUSE OF THE SURGERIES FEELS AS THOUGH EVERYTHING IS FINE NOW. OUR THREE KIDS LIVE UP NORTH (WE ARE IN FLORIDA), AND THEY CALL ALL THE TIME SINCE THEY ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT ME. WHEN THEY CALL, I JUST TELL THEM I'M DOING FINE CAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM TO WORRY BEING SO FAR FROM US. BUT HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW IF HAVING OSTEOARTHRITIS, FIBROMYALGIA AND 6 RUPTURED DISCS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS, BUT LIKE AFTER MY SECOND, AND I MEAN SECOND TREATMENT, EVERY SINGLE BONE IN MY BODY HURTS. I FEEL SO DOWN, SO WEAK AND I'M JUST NOT LIKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE THAT WE CAN TALK TO OTHERS THAT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!!

HUGS, BLESSING AND PRAYERS TO YOU,

WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER (UNFORTUNATLY) SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO VENT, SCREAM WHAT EVER ON HERE ANYWAY.

YOU DEFINETLY ARE NOT ALONE :-)

OH AND ALSO I TOO AM ER+ AND PR+. HOW ARE YOU DOING ON THE TAMOXIFEN?

HRTBRKN_43

jannyfran said:

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY YOU DO
HI THERE HRTBRKN_43, I WAS DX MAY 1ST, HAD TWO LUMPECTOMIES, HAD FLUID BUILD UP REMOVED FROM THAT BREAST AND JUST STARTED RADIATION LAST WEEK. GOD DO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING HERE. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN MORE THEN SUPPORTIVE, BEEN TO EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT, BUT............WHENEVER I BRING SOMETHING UP ABOUT THIS BREAST CANCER, HE TOO TALKS ONLY POSITIVE THINGS, AND BECAUSE OF THE SURGERIES FEELS AS THOUGH EVERYTHING IS FINE NOW. OUR THREE KIDS LIVE UP NORTH (WE ARE IN FLORIDA), AND THEY CALL ALL THE TIME SINCE THEY ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT ME. WHEN THEY CALL, I JUST TELL THEM I'M DOING FINE CAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM TO WORRY BEING SO FAR FROM US. BUT HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW IF HAVING OSTEOARTHRITIS, FIBROMYALGIA AND 6 RUPTURED DISCS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS, BUT LIKE AFTER MY SECOND, AND I MEAN SECOND TREATMENT, EVERY SINGLE BONE IN MY BODY HURTS. I FEEL SO DOWN, SO WEAK AND I'M JUST NOT LIKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE THAT WE CAN TALK TO OTHERS THAT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!!

HUGS, BLESSING AND PRAYERS TO YOU,

WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER (UNFORTUNATLY) SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO VENT, SCREAM WHAT EVER ON HERE ANYWAY.

YOU DEFINETLY ARE NOT ALONE :-)

OH AND ALSO I TOO AM ER+ AND PR+. HOW ARE YOU DOING ON THE TAMOXIFEN?

Depressed
I am doing alright with the Tamoxifen, the hotflashes and headaches aren't fun though.

jannyfran

HRTBRKN_43 said:

Depressed
I am doing alright with the Tamoxifen, the hotflashes and headaches aren't fun though.

side effects
i'm sure they're not. just another thing for me to look forward too. :-(. Besides those side effects, how's everything else today?



hugs, blessings and prayers,

janny

RE

HUGS TO YOU!
Well i am not glad you had breast cancer I am glad you found this group of great people. Here we all have walked down a similar path and we understand one another. Your family doesn't mean to be unconcerned, it is probably more like the idea of cancer scares them. My husband turns the channel if he runs into a cancer program and its cause he doesn't want me to become upset.

This group is fantastic! Here we can rant and rave, vent and rejoice with each other. Once you have had cancer you are changed, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I notice that I am far more aware of my health which is fine. We all get scared occassionally along the way and when that happens come here and I just know this wonderful group of people will be super supportive! Sending cyber hugs to you!

RE

ladydi1

Depressed
Heartbroken:
Welcome, and I too relate to everything you expressed.
I just finished the 7 mos. of tests, surgeries, chemo, neuprogen shots and radiation and a scare with a lump in my "other" breast, last week; and while I would love to jump in the nearest phone booth and rip off my pink costume with the big S (survivor) on the chest and go back to being me; it's just not happening!! That darn pink elephant is still in the room and even if I am the only one who can see him, he is definitely still there. Then of course there is the physical side, hair gone, nails gross, skin aged about 20 years from lack of hormones and soon to get worse with Arimidex, bones hurt everyone of them all the time so my new walk is more of a senior citizen shuffle, tired oh my gosh yes, but still I go to work, exercise everyday and eat healthy because I do want to live; finances in ruin; family and friends have moved on so why can't I?. Now I try and find my happy face in all of this, but some days it just isn't working. So what is my salvation--this site, you wonderful women. You don't judge, you offer unconditional love and support and you convince me that I can do this and that it will get better.
So heartbroken, from one BC sister to another here's a big hug!
ladydi1

kbc4869

Dear Heartbroken,
Welcome.
Dear Heartbroken,

Welcome. I'm so glad you found us. There is this misconception that this jouney we are on starts on the day you are diagnosed, and ends on the last day of your treatments. If only this were true! You've tended to the physical aspects of the disease, and now it's time to deal with the mind and spiritual aspects, which are equally important. You can't completely heal until you deal with ALL aspects of this disease. Family and friends, while most are well meaning, don't get it. They so very much need us to return to "normal." We'd love that, too, but this is a process.

Come to us and rant and rave. If you're afraid, tell us. Don't think that you're being negative or weak. We KNOW you're strong. Honestly, I think if all of us ever screamed at the same time, buildings would implode! LOL. But sometimes we need to break down before we can rebuild. Stength is not about avoiding your fears and doubts and putting on a Brave Face. Stength is being honest with yourself and facing your fears head on and dealing with them. You will have bad days. But there are better days ahead. I'm a 5 year survivor this month, and I still get afraid. But I can say that at after 5 years, I'm finally healing. And you will too.

Again, welcome. Now let's get to work towards making you feel better!

Hugs,
Kim

kew

You're not alone
I think everyone who has this diagnosis sometimes feels that way. My wonderful husband has sort of closed the lid on my cancer--it's a done deal in his mind. He has no clue how often it dominates my thoughts. Every ache and pain makes me imagine the worst.

1. I think you need to talk to your regular doctor and possibly see about some meds to battle the depression. (I am on lexapro. A side benefit is that the dr. says it helps some with hot flashes. I hate to think what those flashes would be without it!)

2. I don't know if you have faith in the Lord or not, but if you do try reading Philippians. I'll print off a few verses below:

Chapter 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Verse 8 especially. Get in the habit of thinking on true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable things. Get your mind off the track it's stuck on. Depression was explained to me that your mind gets in a rut, going to negativity all the time.

3. Make some new friends. Join a class. Go to a Bible study. Call up some old friends from the past. Have a neighborhood coffee with strangers. It's OK to talk to them about your BC, but don't make it the only topic. Caring about others gets our minds off ourselves.

4. Make yourself get out and exercise each day--even just a short walk. The sunshine helps. Exercising increases endorphins that make us feel better. Smile and say hello to everyone you pass--maybe they could become a walking buddy for you.

You are loved. You'll get through this.

dbs1673

I get it!
All the while that I'm reading your post, I'm going ahum, ahum, yes, that's it. I refer to this new site for me as the "get it site". Everyone here does just that..we "get it"! I know several who feel that a support group works well for them but maybe I'm a coward but I prefer this place. I don't want to be another in another place where I "see" cancer and I'm afraid that's how I would feel in a group. I see cancer every morning when I go for radiation, I see it in the mirror on my scars (double M), I see it on my burning skin,etc. More importantly what I feel here is connected, listened to and hopeful. In a world where "fake it till you make it" can be my mantra for the day, this is a place where "come as you are" is the best!!

HRTBRKN_43

dbs1673 said:

I get it!
All the while that I'm reading your post, I'm going ahum, ahum, yes, that's it. I refer to this new site for me as the "get it site". Everyone here does just that..we "get it"! I know several who feel that a support group works well for them but maybe I'm a coward but I prefer this place. I don't want to be another in another place where I "see" cancer and I'm afraid that's how I would feel in a group. I see cancer every morning when I go for radiation, I see it in the mirror on my scars (double M), I see it on my burning skin,etc. More importantly what I feel here is connected, listened to and hopeful. In a world where "fake it till you make it" can be my mantra for the day, this is a place where "come as you are" is the best!!

TY
Ty for the encouraging things that you all have written. I now feel like that this is going to be a good thing for me. I'm glad I made the decision to join in with all of you wonderful thoughtful people. Hope all of you have a wonderful day, you have made mine a little more bearable today, TY all again!!!

jamiesue1

HRTBRKN, Have you looked
HRTBRKN, Have you looked into support groups in your area? I am 4 mos out of double mast. and have decided to finally decided to give it a try. Re: depression, Maybe you need a short term anti-depressant. Talk to your doc