Am I the Only One?

mgm42
mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Last night, I watched "Stand Up To Cancer." I cried for everyone on that program and I cried for myself. In fact, I'm still bummed out today. I know that all of those celebraties were doing a wonderful thing - but I was overwhelmed and saddened by the entire show. Even though they kept saying that a cure was in sight, I felt like CANCER is something that just IS. It's everywhere - all the time. This was the first time that I actually felt like a victim and asked "why me?" I know this is an emotional response, but does anyone else feel this way in the face of such generosity and kindness? Marilynn
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Comments

  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    #2
    We need a cure
    Dear Marilynn,

    I wish the cure was here. Like yesterday! I read as much as I can though I'm limited by what I can understand of the medical jargon and how much I can reach from my computer. It looks like researchers are chipping away at the causes and some possible treatments, but the progress is slower than I would like. Cancer has so many different disease entities under that one umbrella term. No one treatment seems to do it for all folks, even when you are just talking about breast cancer. The good news is that breast cancer patients are living longer and longer and treatments are getting better and better thanks to the research they have done in that area. I have two kinds of cancer and I can tell you that lung cancer, which kills even more folks than breast cancer, gets little compared to breast cancer. Treatments are harsher and success is more limited. Money doesn't do it all, but it does make it possible for the brainy folks to get started with their experiments and hopefully make some progress. I don't have a TV so I didn't see the show, but I hope it generates lots of money and research, because we need the cure. Like yesterday!
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    #3
    We need a cure
    Dear Marilynn,

    I wish the cure was here. Like yesterday! I read as much as I can though I'm limited by what I can understand of the medical jargon and how much I can reach from my computer. It looks like researchers are chipping away at the causes and some possible treatments, but the progress is slower than I would like. Cancer has so many different disease entities under that one umbrella term. No one treatment seems to do it for all folks, even when you are just talking about breast cancer. The good news is that breast cancer patients are living longer and longer and treatments are getting better and better thanks to the research they have done in that area. I have two kinds of cancer and I can tell you that lung cancer, which kills even more folks than breast cancer, gets little compared to breast cancer. Treatments are harsher and success is more limited. Money doesn't do it all, but it does make it possible for the brainy folks to get started with their experiments and hopefully make some progress. I don't have a TV so I didn't see the show, but I hope it generates lots of money and research, because we need the cure. Like yesterday!
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    #4
    We need a cure
    Dear Marilynn,

    I wish the cure was here. Like yesterday! I read as much as I can though I'm limited by what I can understand of the medical jargon and how much I can reach from my computer. It looks like researchers are chipping away at the causes and some possible treatments, but the progress is slower than I would like. Cancer has so many different disease entities under that one umbrella term. No one treatment seems to do it for all folks, even when you are just talking about breast cancer. The good news is that breast cancer patients are living longer and longer and treatments are getting better and better thanks to the research they have done in that area. I have two kinds of cancer and I can tell you that lung cancer, which kills even more folks than breast cancer, gets little compared to breast cancer. Treatments are harsher and success is more limited. Money doesn't do it all, but it does make it possible for the brainy folks to get started with their experiments and hopefully make some progress. I don't have a TV so I didn't see the show, but I hope it generates lots of money and research, because we need the cure. Like yesterday!
  • ninjamom
    ninjamom Member Posts: 142
    #5
    Am I The Only One?
    Marilynn

    You're not alone, I was so overwhelmed I couldn't watch the whole show. Since I went back to work, I have been feeling really good, so now I'm battling with myself, my brain says "you feel good, you'r not sick" so I start doing more things than I was before and my body is saying "oh yes you are" and I hurt everywere, so when they started to talk about HER2+ BC(my diagnosis) I lost it and that's when I left the room and did not go back until after it was over.
    I'm gratefull for their generosity but you are right this is an emotional response.
    Patty
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    #6
    First of all, I want to say
    First of all, I want to say LOVE THE PICTURE, NINJA!
    And second, I will tell you that my husband flipped passed the show last night with lightening speed only capable in a husband who 1)knows how to use that remote control like my son with a video game and 2)loves his wife and knows this show would not be good for her. So, I didn't watch it. Good thing. There is one phrase, though well meaning, that chills me to the bone everytime I hear it. "Cancer patients are living longer these days". Sounds innocent and hopefull, right? Well, I don't want to "live longer". I want to live. I don't want to console myself that I can have 5, 10, or even 15 years of the 40 that I had planned on at 50. I don't want to "live longer" like the c will come and get me eventually. I want to be cured. Of course, I am an emotion mine field for some comments that should not sting. But that one does. Thanks for understanding, ladies. Because it may not be this particular phrase that gets you, but we all have them, right?
    Anyway, love to all of you that had to go through a bumpy time last night. I wish us all good things and gentle words. love, Joyce
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    #7
    That TV Show
    I too could not watch this. I do okay until something like this comes on the tv and then I simply have to detach or I cannot stop crying. Not so much for myself, because if I really thought about things that have happened to me I would never stop the tears. It is for all those I see struggle year after year. There is so much good in this world to enjoy, and some cancer patients sre struggling to just live each day. That's what wipes me out.It's great that celebrities and other folks are generous and want this to be the end of this disease. But it's just tough to watch. We have a local guy, John Kansius, who has this method of killing cancer with ordinary radio waves that is soon going into trials. Some of those trials will be held in my hometown. He himself had cancer and had been in the tv/radio business for almost all of his life. He was so frustrated at all the fancy ways that take millions of dollars in money to find a cure. He thought there must be a simpler way to get rid of the beast. So he came up with this idea. I hope he does find a way to help any cancer patient with this. This is one gentleman that I would, if I had any, put my money on. Just thought I would share with you all. May we all take a deep breath and recover from last night. Hugs, Cindy
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #8
    I still get the knot in my stomach.
    This discussion reminds me of something that happened 22 years ago...I was recovering from my first mastectomy and a neighbor came to the door collecting for the American Cancer Society. (I suppose perhaps she didn't know I had cancer, or thought,...or didn't think...,i don't know). It was all I could do not to slam the door in her face.
    You would think I would be less sensitive by now, but I have to admit that I avoided that telecast like the plague last night. In fact, I tend to avoid just about everything that reminds me of cancer EXCEPT this site. And i am ADDICTED to csn! LOL. Go figure.
    I have never done a relay or participated in any other cancer-awareness activities. It's like Joyce says, I don't want to live longer....I just want to LIVE....as if I had never heard the word cancer. But, unfortunately, that is not the reality for survivors and caregivers. So we each handle our 'new normals' in the way that works for us.
    God bless us every one.
  • cruf
    cruf Member Posts: 908
    #9
    Stand Up for Cancer
    I too,started to watch the program lastnight. It wasn't what I expected at all. I had a hard time watching it and I finally had to get up and leave. I don't know why it bothered me so much but it did. I'm an 8 year survivor on Sept. 11. I was a mess prior to surgery but once the surgery(mastectomy and Tram Flap) was done, I felt good emotionally. For the past 8 years, I've done the Relay for Life as well as helping out at 2 other walks every year. I've been able to talk to other people fighting and I've been ok. For some reason, I'm really having a tough time right now. I'm treating 2 ladies(I'm a Physical Therapist in a Sub Acute setting/Nursing Home) who are losing their battle, 1 of whom has had enough and just wants to go to sleep. It's really upsetting me., Not for a fear about me but watching them . I'm having trouble facing 1 of the families and I don't like being this way.I do it because I have to but yesterday, I lost it. Hopefully I'm just going thru a bad time and this too shall end . Thank you for listening! HUGS!!! Cathy
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #10
    I feel the same way.
    The first summer after my treatment I went to Race For a Cure and teared up. It was almost too much for me. I didn't watch the show either. I just need to have more uplifting moments in my life, not something that will upset me. There is enough of that in the world. There is also more to challenge me than breast cancer. I was diagnosed in 2006 with Parkinson's. It is making it much harder to have a normal life. I used this picture of me because sometimes this is how I feel. Upside down.
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    #11
    Marcia527 said:

    I feel the same way.
    The first summer after my treatment I went to Race For a Cure and teared up. It was almost too much for me. I didn't watch the show either. I just need to have more uplifting moments in my life, not something that will upset me. There is enough of that in the world. There is also more to challenge me than breast cancer. I was diagnosed in 2006 with Parkinson's. It is making it much harder to have a normal life. I used this picture of me because sometimes this is how I feel. Upside down.

    I ran in the Susan B Komen
    I ran in the Susan B Komen Race for the Cure. Work friends were there. We all got white t-shirts, only mine was bright pink cuz I was a survivor. I hid away from being in the group picture because I felt like a mascot. When I got home I THREW AWAY my Race for the Cure T Shirt. Everytime I see someone else with the shirt (and its always been the white, untouched by C shirt) on in public, I look away.
    Now I know the Race for the Cure folk meant well and that many women were very proud of the shirts. I just felt separated, singled-out from what used to be my peer group. Just wanted you to know that someone else wasn't all smiles after Race for the Cure. Sometimes our emotions are a little unexpected. That is good. It is when we try to have the right emotion, like the right outfit, for every occasion that we stop being honest and have REAL confusion on our hands.
    I hope you post often. I hope that friends here are part of your normal life! love, Joyce
  • dancingfan
    dancingfan Member Posts: 19
    #12
    Am I the Only One?
    Dear Marilynn,
    No, you are not the only one. I did watch "Stand up 2 Cancer" but had a knot in my stomach the whole time. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma in situ triple negative breast cancer. I actually had to check my pathology report today because my mind had blocked out my diagnosis! A mastectomy and reconstructive surgery (tram flap) was done in March of this year followed up with two months of Chemo. Watching the T.V. program made me feel like a victim. For the past six months I too have questioned "why me?". I am so grateful to all those who participated in the program and decided on donating some money. I can only hope and pray that we will all be and in fact are survivors! I feel that Cancer has ruined my life. I am still in recovery physically and mentally! I send a huge cyber hug to everyone on CSN! We will get through this ordeal and we will survive! Keep strong... Best wishes, Gloria
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #13
    Marilynn, I watched the
    Marilynn, I watched the program, but it was a bit uncomfortable. It definitely was a reminder that I had cancer and stirred up some emotions for me. It was good though to see how angry people seem to be about cancer and the fact that we still don't have a cure all these decades later. Government funding does not seem to cut it so now we have the private and business sectors taking things into their own hands----that is promising. But I agree, it was very depressing to hear the sad stories and phrases like "cancer patients are living longer these days", or "breast cancer patients have a 97% chance of living 5 years" if caught early........I know these are good things but it does make me start to worry that I won't live to a ripe old age. Intellectually, I feel that my cancer will not recur because it was caught early, but emotionally I think of my aunt who died of the disease and I become fearful that mine will eventually sneak back up on me at some point. This show reminded me that I am one of those poor, unlucky people that got cancer that the celebtities were referring to. But, I guess I will try to think of the money they raised and the research that will come out of it. Unfortunately though, I doubt they will ever find a "cure". Cancer is so many diseases, and it eventually outsmarts drugs until doctors run-out of things to try with some patients. That is the part that scares me.
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    #14
    You're not the only one
    Hi Marilynn: I watched Stand up to cancer also and was pretty bummed about it also. It depressed me to hear that there are so many people out there with all forms of terminal cancer and that there is no cure nor any type of drug that might make them well enough to live out a few more years. It made me question how many years will I have left. I was so sick and upset when I was diagnosed. And I remember asking then and still ask God to just give me a few more years to see my kids settled. It reminded me that my time here on this earth may be limited. It may not sound rational and I know that we will all die some day, but, I always assumed that I would die of old age and not have to worry about having this dark cloud over my head at the age of 50. Do I sound selfish? I also asked the why me question. I am grateful to all those that contributed and hope that maybe one day there will be much more advancements in the relm of cancer. Hugs to all, Lili

    PS. thanks for letting me vent
  • Skybuf
    Skybuf Member Posts: 143
    #15
    TV program
    I thought it was me, I was watching the program also and had to come here to get away from it.
    Gads.....there's always something to remind us of ca....I was to get on with my life. Like some others I'm addicted to this site, love keeping in touch with those of like mind......we are a sisterhood and brotherhood now :)
    I'm glad your all here and we think alike, mades me feel more "normal"
    Love and Hugs
    Ontario Canada eh
  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    #16
    Skybuf said:

    TV program
    I thought it was me, I was watching the program also and had to come here to get away from it.
    Gads.....there's always something to remind us of ca....I was to get on with my life. Like some others I'm addicted to this site, love keeping in touch with those of like mind......we are a sisterhood and brotherhood now :)
    I'm glad your all here and we think alike, mades me feel more "normal"
    Love and Hugs
    Ontario Canada eh

    WOW
    Wow! I love this site and I love everyone of you. Skybuf, you hit the nail on the head. This is the place where we can feel NORMAL. I know that those who don't have cancer, try very hard to empathize and do everything in their power to be suppportive. I am grateful for that. But, its only here that we all understand one another. This is our normal. Thanks for pointing that out. Hugs, Marilynn
  • Cactusgal
    Cactusgal Member Posts: 3
    #17
    mgm42 said:

    WOW
    Wow! I love this site and I love everyone of you. Skybuf, you hit the nail on the head. This is the place where we can feel NORMAL. I know that those who don't have cancer, try very hard to empathize and do everything in their power to be suppportive. I am grateful for that. But, its only here that we all understand one another. This is our normal. Thanks for pointing that out. Hugs, Marilynn

    I DID NOT feel that way at all
    For goodness sakes, I emailed everyone I knew and asked them to tune in and pledge. I pledged $50 myself and was wishing I could give more. I do not understand all the negative feelings here about this campaign. When you think about what there was available 20 years ago for cancer, you can be sure what we have now is only due to those of us who actively go to battle against this disease. Walk for the Cure is in Phoenix very soon and you can be sure I will be there. Why all the feeling soo sorry for yourselves? Alot of other people have worse, much worse things happen to them. We have a chance to get a cure or at least get drugs, treatments, etc to arrest the cancer. Come on ladies. Negativity never ever helps anything.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #18
    Stand Up/Sit Down! Whatever!
    Seems like I was out of town at just the right time! I was with the Tribe, on a deserted island for 5 days, with almost 300 Tribal members, friends and extended family as my Reggie with other Native American canoe paddlers, did their annual ocean voyage to honor and respect the way of life their ancestors lived. No electricity, no cell service~ just people, laughter, prayers, community kitchen, island foxen, dolphins, dark night skies with an amazing array of stars.... NO TELEVISION!!! I didn't even know such a show was to be broadcast~ I have never heard of it, thankfully.

    I know how my personality is: I never ever watch telethons or fundraisers on television, be it Jerry Lewis, AIDS, Cancer, you name it, I don't watch it! I do the Relay for Life and have even gotten recognition for being the smallest team ( just Reggie and me one year) to raise the most money~ over $16,000, so I do know the importance of involvement and fundraising. But I am more than a Breast Cancer Survivor! And last week I was a camper who was not just With, but Part of a Native American tribe.( their words, not mine!)

    With 300+ there, I am more than positive that some have cancer and are battling it, some have cancer but don't even know it yet, some are most definately survivors, others have certainly lost family members to the Beast, and others will lose family members. Who knows? I may EVENTUALLY be a casualty myself someday. But not yesterday, not the day before, and not today, either. We DO get to take a break from cancer~ we deserve it! When I think of all the hundreds of millions who have cancer worldwide, that 5 or 6 have posted here that the program wasn't quite for them hardly makes a ripple of negativity!

    To those discouraged or frightened, or saddened...a big cyber hug to you! and to those who were encouraged, strenghtened or filled with hope at the future~ a cyber hug to you, too! We are indeed family in this fight~ and it's great to have the freedom to feel what we feel whenever we feel it! And better yet to be able to fearlessly EXPRESS our feelings on this board! We sooo rock!!!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #19
    Cactusgal said:

    I DID NOT feel that way at all
    For goodness sakes, I emailed everyone I knew and asked them to tune in and pledge. I pledged $50 myself and was wishing I could give more. I do not understand all the negative feelings here about this campaign. When you think about what there was available 20 years ago for cancer, you can be sure what we have now is only due to those of us who actively go to battle against this disease. Walk for the Cure is in Phoenix very soon and you can be sure I will be there. Why all the feeling soo sorry for yourselves? Alot of other people have worse, much worse things happen to them. We have a chance to get a cure or at least get drugs, treatments, etc to arrest the cancer. Come on ladies. Negativity never ever helps anything.

    Not feeling sorry for myself
    I am a 22 year breast cancer survivor. I know what was available then and now for us. I am not sorry for ME...I am sorry for my daughter who has this 'c cloud' hanging over her head, and for women who loose their breasts before they have the opportunity to nurse a child, and for women who face the breast cancer battle when they should be enjoying their 'golden years'. And for every survivor in between.
    These are the reasons I can't watch these programs.
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    #20
    chenheart said:

    Stand Up/Sit Down! Whatever!
    Seems like I was out of town at just the right time! I was with the Tribe, on a deserted island for 5 days, with almost 300 Tribal members, friends and extended family as my Reggie with other Native American canoe paddlers, did their annual ocean voyage to honor and respect the way of life their ancestors lived. No electricity, no cell service~ just people, laughter, prayers, community kitchen, island foxen, dolphins, dark night skies with an amazing array of stars.... NO TELEVISION!!! I didn't even know such a show was to be broadcast~ I have never heard of it, thankfully.

    I know how my personality is: I never ever watch telethons or fundraisers on television, be it Jerry Lewis, AIDS, Cancer, you name it, I don't watch it! I do the Relay for Life and have even gotten recognition for being the smallest team ( just Reggie and me one year) to raise the most money~ over $16,000, so I do know the importance of involvement and fundraising. But I am more than a Breast Cancer Survivor! And last week I was a camper who was not just With, but Part of a Native American tribe.( their words, not mine!)

    With 300+ there, I am more than positive that some have cancer and are battling it, some have cancer but don't even know it yet, some are most definately survivors, others have certainly lost family members to the Beast, and others will lose family members. Who knows? I may EVENTUALLY be a casualty myself someday. But not yesterday, not the day before, and not today, either. We DO get to take a break from cancer~ we deserve it! When I think of all the hundreds of millions who have cancer worldwide, that 5 or 6 have posted here that the program wasn't quite for them hardly makes a ripple of negativity!

    To those discouraged or frightened, or saddened...a big cyber hug to you! and to those who were encouraged, strenghtened or filled with hope at the future~ a cyber hug to you, too! We are indeed family in this fight~ and it's great to have the freedom to feel what we feel whenever we feel it! And better yet to be able to fearlessly EXPRESS our feelings on this board! We sooo rock!!!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Thanks
    Thanks Claudia for saying what you did. I've also walked, hiked, ran, all in the name of cancer, but there are times when being reminded that we have had it and may get it again just doesn't appeal to me. Not that I'm being negative, but like skybuf said, we are trying to get on with our lives without having to be reminded of it. Thanks you all for letting us vent, for sharing happy times as well as sad times, for being a friend in every sense of the word, because only those going through this truly understand what we feel. Love you all, Lili
  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    #21
    mmontero38 said:

    Thanks
    Thanks Claudia for saying what you did. I've also walked, hiked, ran, all in the name of cancer, but there are times when being reminded that we have had it and may get it again just doesn't appeal to me. Not that I'm being negative, but like skybuf said, we are trying to get on with our lives without having to be reminded of it. Thanks you all for letting us vent, for sharing happy times as well as sad times, for being a friend in every sense of the word, because only those going through this truly understand what we feel. Love you all, Lili

    Thank You Lili
    Thanks for your comments. I've always felt safe in venting on this site. It's nice to know we are not alone. And, I, like you, have golfed, walked, and worked at various breast cancer "for the cure" events. I also helped start a Christmas Angel Tree for Cancer Victims - you see my daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease at the age of 24. I'm happy and relieved to say that was 17, count 'em, 17 years ago. Yeah! But, I still become sad at times when I'm reminded about my cancer as well as hers. I needed to hear your words along with those of the others. Hugs, Marilynn

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