Am I the Only One?

Joycelouise

NEVER would I say that the
NEVER would I say that the show and the purpose was not immensely good for the fight against the beast. And I have benefited in so many ways from the kindness of people like those moved to donate and feel a huge gratitude. It is just that right now, I am fragile. Right now it hurts to be reminded of how terrible the beast is. It is not negative or positive. It just is. Part of healing, for me, is doing those things that help and avoiding those things that hurt. Later, when I am stronger, I will face life head on again. I am comfortable with that. When it is necessary to act on our feelings, we can assess them for right and wrong. But when it comes to just feeling - there are no rules, nothing to tweak. And it is wonderful to be able to share. love, Joyce

kbc4869

Hi Marilyn,
I didn't watch
Hi Marilyn,

I didn't watch the show. Didn't even know it was on (yeah, I live under a Rock). But I imagine that I would have had a very emotional response. I generally do when faced with these types of things. I don't attend the Relay for Life or Race for the Cure, but I do donate each year. I also do what I can in my own small, private ways. That's just who I am and I feel no need to discuss it with most people. I don't think being affected emotionally by these types of events means that we're being negative or choosing to play the victim. I am very grateful for the money that is generated, and I am so very proud to be affliiated with you girls and Bill.

With that said, there are some movies that I can't watch because they make me cry or make me very sad. But not watching them doesn't mean that I'm being negative or feeling sorry for myself, does it? Cross word puzzles, trashy reality TV . . . that's what my Chakra and I are doing tonight!

Love and Hugs,
Kim

cherub

zahalene said:

I still get the knot in my stomach.
This discussion reminds me of something that happened 22 years ago...I was recovering from my first mastectomy and a neighbor came to the door collecting for the American Cancer Society. (I suppose perhaps she didn't know I had cancer, or thought,...or didn't think...,i don't know). It was all I could do not to slam the door in her face.
You would think I would be less sensitive by now, but I have to admit that I avoided that telecast like the plague last night. In fact, I tend to avoid just about everything that reminds me of cancer EXCEPT this site. And i am ADDICTED to csn! LOL. Go figure.
I have never done a relay or participated in any other cancer-awareness activities. It's like Joyce says, I don't want to live longer....I just want to LIVE....as if I had never heard the word cancer. But, unfortunately, that is not the reality for survivors and caregivers. So we each handle our 'new normals' in the way that works for us.
God bless us every one.

First and For Most
Hey, Zahalene,

I just registered tonight and wrote my first blog ever. There I say - among some other mind-blowingly intelligent and earth-shaking things - that I never ever would have anything to do with C.
I won't even look at a pink ribbon. Nada, nothing.
This is the first and only group I've joined because I was crying and I think I need to join some kind of support group but I can't stand being around women who do nothing but talk about c. LOL!!!

Anyway, it's really an interesting experience to be here, emotionally. Comfy on my bed, reading all your posts and wondering what TV show I missed but not wanting to know cause I know I would not have watched it for a minute.
I guess we get by the way we get by. So long as we keep on.

Amen.
P.S. Nice to meet you.
)

cherub

dancingfan said:

Am I the Only One?
Dear Marilynn,
No, you are not the only one. I did watch "Stand up 2 Cancer" but had a knot in my stomach the whole time. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma in situ triple negative breast cancer. I actually had to check my pathology report today because my mind had blocked out my diagnosis! A mastectomy and reconstructive surgery (tram flap) was done in March of this year followed up with two months of Chemo. Watching the T.V. program made me feel like a victim. For the past six months I too have questioned "why me?". I am so grateful to all those who participated in the program and decided on donating some money. I can only hope and pray that we will all be and in fact are survivors! I feel that Cancer has ruined my life. I am still in recovery physically and mentally! I send a huge cyber hug to everyone on CSN! We will get through this ordeal and we will survive! Keep strong... Best wishes, Gloria

dancingfan's cool.
Dear dancingfan,

I applaud your honesty. I joined tonight. I had a double M and also have the line more than 1/2 around my body and I relate so strongly to the way you feel that as soon as I registered I wrote my first blog ever to try to express some of what I felt and why celebs that talk about how they glide through C make me ill.

You are still really close in time to your surgery and ordeal. I have a feeling that those of us who are willing to honestly face how we feel about what's going on with us are the ones who will eventually pull out of this emotionally healed.

Keep cool. )G

zahalene

cherub said:

First and For Most
Hey, Zahalene,

I just registered tonight and wrote my first blog ever. There I say - among some other mind-blowingly intelligent and earth-shaking things - that I never ever would have anything to do with C.
I won't even look at a pink ribbon. Nada, nothing.
This is the first and only group I've joined because I was crying and I think I need to join some kind of support group but I can't stand being around women who do nothing but talk about c. LOL!!!

Anyway, it's really an interesting experience to be here, emotionally. Comfy on my bed, reading all your posts and wondering what TV show I missed but not wanting to know cause I know I would not have watched it for a minute.
I guess we get by the way we get by. So long as we keep on.

Amen.
P.S. Nice to meet you.
)

And you as well!
Welcome to the boards cherub.
I take it you are a breast survivor?
You won't find a better bunch of people anywhere than here, and the wonderful thing is they will let you deal with whatever is on you plate without judgment or recrimination.
All they want to do is uphold you in prayer and positive thoughts and listen to whatever you feel like sharing.
We all understand the tears but we celebrate together a lot here too and I hope you will join in our happy times as well.
Many many hugs. Keep posting!
We have super-duper-new-and-improved chat rooms as well. Hope to see you there.

dbs1673

I watched, I cried, I was
I watched, I cried, I was uncomfortable but I didn't turn it off. Not sure why??? I have enjoyed participating in 5K events for the past several years, looking for those wine bottles where proceeds benefit cancer research, etc. This year will be the first 5K since my surgery in June. I should finish radiation just prior to the event. Upon registering, I wasn't sure if checking the "survivor" box was the right thing. That means acknowledging what I've got and still questioning what the outcome is. I know my prognosis is excellent but to say survivor, as we all know means we've endured a great deal more. So I guess I'll wear my survivor shirt on race day and know that all of you will be pushing me over the finish line. And I'll be carrying all of you with me.

ladydi1

Stand Up To Cancer
Hi Marilyn:
I too, watched the show, but had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes through the entire thing. Almost lost it completely on the kids with cancer part. Yes, it was a good thing, yes the money it raised was so heartening; as I hope if they can't find the cure for us then maybe my teenage daughter and your daughters, sisters, friends will benefit from the cure when it is found. That being said, it doesn't change that it is a hard thing to watch when you are living with cancer. I still have the same feeling watching 9/11 tributes. That and cancer touched all our lives and we will NEVER be the same! I go forward one step, one day at a time, but shows like that and races for the cure, while wonderful, are just like looking at my bald reflection in the mirror to me.
Hugs to all you wonderful ladies!
ladydi1