Where do I begin?

viking13
viking13 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was recently diagnoised with breast cancer and had a lumpectomy on July 24th. My lymph nodes are normal and I am on the road to recovery. I am still sore and feel like I am not healing fast enough. I will be seeing the doctor on Thursday and I'm sure he will say I can return to work. Next week I will see the oncologist and we will start planning my radiation treatments (I don't know about chemo). Everything that has happened in the last month could have been a lot worse than it actually was. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky my outcome has been.

Why am I so sad? Why do I cry almost everyday?

I hurt when others say it won't hurt. Don't tell me a sentinel node boipsy doesn't hurt, because I seem to feel all the pain that they tell me that I won't. Even during my biopsy of the lump they had to numb me twice, and it still hurt.

I feel like there is something wrong with me because I seem to feel the pain when they say I won't and I should be feeling grateful for not having it as bad as others.

I feel like I'm alone in my world. Don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful family and they all have been great during this whole ordeal. I had a member of my family posted by my bedside for the first 4 days taking care of all of my needs. I have a husband who is watching my intake of painkillers because he is scared I might become addicted. My family is great, but I still feel alone. And now I feel like a spoiled baby for complaining. I am very mixed up.

Any suggestions?
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Comments

  • Bill.S
    Bill.S Member Posts: 177
    Hi VIKING, Don't be in too big of a hurry to get back to work. My surgeon didn't do a needle biopsy but went right for the lumpectomy. While on the table they sent my lump to pathology, determined it to be CA and did a modified radical mastectomy... That was 5/22/08. I was off from work for 9 weeks..it drove me crazy to be here/alone that long. They took 6 lymph nodes so now I have an empty pocket of skin in my arm pit area and it still hurts at times.
    My 8" incision is pretty much numb.
    I didn't do radiation but have had #2 chemo cocktail today. Only 5 more months to go.
    Whatch out for the heavy duty pain pills as I was terribly constipated from them (wwish this thang had spell check)......... If possible have your husband go with you to Dr visits and also discuss adiction to pain pills with Dr...... Your husband isn't in pain so he doesn't understand... have the Dr reassure him that you'll be OK but need the pills.
    Sorry that you need to be here but you have come to the right place. The sisterhood is GREAT and I am in love with all of them. None of us wanted to be here but we are all glad for each others company.
    Best of everything for you
    Bill S 57 yr young man who HAD BC
    www.caringbridge.org/visit/abelincoln

    I have invasive ductal ca IDC
  • Bill.S
    Bill.S Member Posts: 177
    PS. I should have/could have been back to work in 6 weeks instead of 9 weeks but both my surgeon and oncologist took vacations. I needed both of them to sign me off the sick list and OK to return to work.. The surgeon did place a 20 pound lifting restriction on my body for one month. The Onc. was only looking at my blood work labs for his decission.
    Bill S
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    Hi Viking,

    First off, welcome. I'm sorry you have to be here in the first place, but I'm glad you found us.

    Your surgery was less than two weeks ago, and if you told me that you were experiencing no pain, I'd be happy for you, but surprised. You had major surgery. My breast was the color of an egg plant after my lumpectomy. I returned to work three days after my surgery because my surgeon said I'd be fine. What a mistake that was. I gritted my teeth and dealt with it and within a couple of days, Fluid filled up in my armpit the size of a baseball. Also, while I work in an office environment where no lifting is involved, the long hike from the parking lot with my computer bag tired me out and my second day back, a man ran right smack into me and my eggplant when I was getting out of an elevator. If I had it to do over again, I'd have stayed home longer. As far as the Sentinel Node biopsy -- HELLO -- OUCH! No one prepared me for that one. I mean, whom ever told you that it wouldn't hurt, I'm willing to bet that they have never had a large needle stuck into the middle of their nipple. C'mon! I agree with Bill -- pain killers are for people with pain. Don't worry about getting addicted to them. Once the pain has subsided, you will go off them. It's that simple.

    There is no fast and steady rule for recovery in this game. Everyone is different.Some have larger breasts, more sensitve breasts, need more pain pills, etc. My lumpectomy was almost five years ago and sometimes I still have phantom pains. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If it's screaming "ouch," that's because it hurts. The body doesn't lie. Talk to your doctors and nurses about the pain. Don't let them make you feel like a complainer. God forbid, something wasn't quite right, they need to know. And maybe doseages can be adjusted or maybe they have some suggestions that might help. Don't let them make you feel guilty for telling them how you feel!

    As far as crying and being sad . . . my dear, you are in the middle of a life changing event in your life. You're scared and you don't know what the future holds. Yes, you're lucky, but you're entitled to have some strong emotions.

    Hang in there!

    Hugs,
    Kim
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    I agree with everyone else. I had a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy and I was out of work for about a month. For heaven's sake, it takes a few days just for your body to recover from the anesthesia. If you are in pain then take the meds.-----one of my docs says "they don't give medals out in heaven for unnesessary(sp?) suffering". As for the crying, and feeling alone, I know how you feel. Cancer is devastating not only physically but emotionally and mentally. I'm 2 years out and I still cry for no reason. You feel alone because those around you cannot understand what you are going through. The emotions are natural and warranted. Please visit us often--we all know what you are going through and we can support you. Take care, Eil
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    Guess I am a spoiled baby too! I cried all the time. Not pounding the pillow tears all the time, but just water dripping off my face while I was trying to have otherwise respectable conversations. And crying didn't keep me from healing one bit and probably helped. Get that tension out!
    It is okay here if you don't feel lucky for a while. Please feel all your feelings. While your family sure does sound wonderful, maybe you can find one person who you can speak completely honestly with to be a special friend, a special kind of support.
    You were so smart to write all your feelings down in your letter. Be loving to yourself.
    love, Joyce
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Let me think...did I cry? Ummmmmm~ YES! I cried when I found the lump in my breast, I cried at the Drs office when she felt it and sent me to radiology, I cried during the ultrasound and the biopsy, I cried the night before and the day of my surgery. I REALLY cried during recovery , as I had affected lymphnodes and the drainage tube but was allergic to BOTH the antibiotic and the pain-killers, so I did it all "cold turkey"...yuk! I cried doing the arm exercises, I cried when I looked at myself in the mirror, I cried when the first chemo IV went in my arm, and I even cried when the last one did. Radiation wasn't so bad; I don't think I cried !
    Pain is so subjective; as are statistics. Neither counts when our names are on them. We go through a similar journey with out fellow warriors, but still, our experience is just that, ours. Some give birth without medication, others need an epidural as soon as they check in to the hospital.

    Add to that the emotional strain you are going through~ that is what made me cry as much as the physical pain did.

    You will come through this~ you are in grand company and we will hold your hand as much as you need us to. Welcome aboard! And believe it or not, you soon will be on the other end of this journey encouraging the ones who come in after you!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • viking13
    viking13 Member Posts: 2
    kbc4869 said:

    Hi Viking,

    First off, welcome. I'm sorry you have to be here in the first place, but I'm glad you found us.

    Your surgery was less than two weeks ago, and if you told me that you were experiencing no pain, I'd be happy for you, but surprised. You had major surgery. My breast was the color of an egg plant after my lumpectomy. I returned to work three days after my surgery because my surgeon said I'd be fine. What a mistake that was. I gritted my teeth and dealt with it and within a couple of days, Fluid filled up in my armpit the size of a baseball. Also, while I work in an office environment where no lifting is involved, the long hike from the parking lot with my computer bag tired me out and my second day back, a man ran right smack into me and my eggplant when I was getting out of an elevator. If I had it to do over again, I'd have stayed home longer. As far as the Sentinel Node biopsy -- HELLO -- OUCH! No one prepared me for that one. I mean, whom ever told you that it wouldn't hurt, I'm willing to bet that they have never had a large needle stuck into the middle of their nipple. C'mon! I agree with Bill -- pain killers are for people with pain. Don't worry about getting addicted to them. Once the pain has subsided, you will go off them. It's that simple.

    There is no fast and steady rule for recovery in this game. Everyone is different.Some have larger breasts, more sensitve breasts, need more pain pills, etc. My lumpectomy was almost five years ago and sometimes I still have phantom pains. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If it's screaming "ouch," that's because it hurts. The body doesn't lie. Talk to your doctors and nurses about the pain. Don't let them make you feel like a complainer. God forbid, something wasn't quite right, they need to know. And maybe doseages can be adjusted or maybe they have some suggestions that might help. Don't let them make you feel guilty for telling them how you feel!

    As far as crying and being sad . . . my dear, you are in the middle of a life changing event in your life. You're scared and you don't know what the future holds. Yes, you're lucky, but you're entitled to have some strong emotions.

    Hang in there!

    Hugs,
    Kim

    Thank you for your reply. It really helps. I will write again. I have never used a discussion board before and I'm not quite sure how it works, but I will figure it out.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    This is one of those cancers that strikes right at a weak point for us all....appearance!!! You are no longer "perfect" (whatever THAT means!!). I hate this disease!

    As far as healing...dearheart, it has been only, what, a week???? You can feel the effects for quite awhile. Everyone is different. This healing is important for the long run, don't rush it!

    Crying is normal, as others have shared...your world is no longer secure. It's a normal reaction. It WILL get better...but you will hear much about a 'new normal' from cancer survivors...we no longer take life for granted...

    As far as the painkillers...well, studies have show that, in most cases, when they are taken for a specific reason, such as pain from surgery, addiction is minimal. Just keep in your mind that it IS a temporary thing, taken for a purpose....being a 'pain hero' (going without help for pain) is counterproductive for healing...

    Cancer is a journey, in the final analysis, taken alone. Even with people right beside you. My best advice is to keep an open dialog with hubby and family...when you are scared, speak it, also tell them you love them and appreciate their support.

    This is, after all, temporary. You will see it's end, and go on with your life....I have had cancer 2 times in 19 months (colon followed by breast). I am now 2 years past treatment, and living large!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • NorcalJ
    NorcalJ Member Posts: 187
    viking13 said:

    Thank you for your reply. It really helps. I will write again. I have never used a discussion board before and I'm not quite sure how it works, but I will figure it out.

    Hi Viking!

    Sorry that you're in a position to join us, but really glad you found this site.

    Everyone has a different pain threshold, you obviously can feel yours, but your family and friends can only feel their own. Pain is so important to docs assessment now that it is considered the 5th vital sign (behind BP, pulse, respirations, and temp.) That's why they write Rx's without being asked. Studies have proven that if you have an actual physiological need for pain meds, you won't get addicted. Besides, like everyone else said, the worst side effect is actually constipation. Since that's so "pleasant" you won't want to stay on the meds for long. Take the meds on a reg. sched. like the Dr. ordered to start with, then you can stretch out the times as you heal.
    And 2 weeks is only the begining of the healing process. Give yourself a break. We are our own worst critics----you're allowed more than 2 weeks to heal, you're allowed to treat the pain so that you sleep, and therefore rest and heal.
    Most importantly, you are allowed to cry!---I think in my house it's a requirement. So imagine yourself at my house whenever you feel the need---and contribute to my river---it feels a whole lot better when you do---puffy eyes are a new fashion statement!
    Keep writing.
    Big (wet) hugs,
    Jan
  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    Hi Viking

    You sound like a normal cancer survivor to me.

    The tears do come by bucketfulls and it is ok to cry anywhere, anytime. I think it is a part of our healing emotionally, mentally and physically..

    This is an awfully big world to feel so alone in. As time goes by you will meet so many women (and Bill) who have gone through this. I was amazed at the women who came up to me and told me that they had been through breast c. It helps soooooo much to talk to these people and read this discussion board and use the chat room .

    My doctor told me that lymph nodes are wraped around nerves and they have to literally unwrap them from the nerve. So no one can tell me it dosent hurt to have nodes removed. You have nerve damage also.

    Let your family spoil you. It's ok to whine, complain whatever you feel like doing. We are here to listen and try to help you. Take care.
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    I am now a 5 year breast cancer survivor and a two year lung cancer survivor. I noticed last year that I really wasn't crying as often anymore. I was a total mess there after breast cancer diagnosis and can really identify with Claudia. If your family reacts to the tears by trying to be a little too cheerful, understand that they are totally terrified of losing you and have no idea how to deal with it except to make the scary diagnosis no big deal. Come here or find a support group in your area with arms. We've been there and understand just how scary it is. And don't be afraid of becoming addicted to the pain killers. When you feel like a Tylenol will do the trick, switch so that you have less problems with the side effects. But use the prescription stuff as long as you need them. The doctor won't let you have another bottle if he thinks you are healed sufficiently and don't need them any more. Different folks have different nerve patterns. I read somewhere for example that red haired folks as a group have almost twice as many pain receptors as other folks. Population studies don't take in account individual variations, so if you don't have red hair, know that you still may have more pain receptors as other folks you meet. Your body will heal in time and you will feel better soon. If you keep a diary or write things down on a calendar, you will be able to look back to see your progress though it seems slow right now. (((((((hugs))))))

    C. Abbott
  • dbpr
    dbpr Member Posts: 1
    Hi! Viking,I am a breast cancer survivor of 4years now. I think that maybe you are still in a state of shock from the whole ordeal. It was a very hard diagnose for me to accept when they told me to. I am sorry that you are here now,but I"m glad you have found us. You are now a member of another family,and we do understand how you are feeling.You are not alone! We"ve all been there. I know it is a hard thing to do right now,but try and keep a positive attitude and you decide who is going to win this battle!!!! God bless you! and keep on keeping on.
  • tan39
    tan39 Member Posts: 49
    everyone has a different pain threshold, don't apologise for yours. Use painkillers if you have to, its only short term, if you get constipated, take some fibregel its great. You have every right to cry,scream,shout or punch a pillow, dont feel guilty, just do it, you have had to hear those dreaded words, breast cancer, you would not be normal if you didnt complain or cry. Keep in touch with us all, say whatever is on your mind it really helps to get it all out. big hug xx
  • Lindaspath
    Lindaspath Member Posts: 1
    Where do I begin
    Hi Viking,
    I've never used one of these boards before so hang in there if I don't do something right. I just read your message and my heart goes out to you. I felt the same way you did and that was almost 1 1/2 years ago. I'm happy to say I made it through lumpectomies (2 of them), chemo and radiation and I'm alive and feeling good. You too will have a day you can say the same. NEVER feel ashamed for how you feel or act. It's all part of this dreaded disease and the good Lord knows I spent a lot of time crying. Your life has just changed drastically and unless a person has gone through this in their own life they have no clue what you are dealing with. I too felt so all alone in this world even though my family stood right there with me the whole time. Family members have wonderful intentions when it comes to our health, but they also don't feel what we are feeling.

    I continue to have some pain in the area of the lumpectomy and node biopsy. My surgeon said it goes away in time or I could be one of the women who feel it all the time. The further out I get from the actual diagnosis and treatment the less I worry about it, but it's hard not to worry about pain. I made sure I discussed this with my family physician, my onoclogist, my radiation oncologist and my surgeon and they all agreed this was normal. Make sure you do the same. Just because they told me mine was normal doesn't mean it's that way with everyone. It's better to pester the doctors and be reassured than to ignore something that could possibly need attending to. With each new mammogram and ultrasound results, the pain doesn't seem so bad anymore as I know nothing new has turned up.

    I wish you well during this hard time, but know you will get through it. Do everything according to how your body feels and not how "most people" did it. You are the best judge of yourself and your needs.

    Good luck!
    Linda
  • tigerlilsal
    tigerlilsal Member Posts: 2
    pain and depression
    First, you are NOT alone. A lumpectomy is major surgery, the correct terminology is a partial mastectomy. It just "sounds" prettier as a lumpectomy. The nerves in your breast have been severed, you have a diagnosis of breast cancer, so yes, hmmm.... crying a bit is in order as well as being depressed. This is scary stuff. You won't heal well for months, the nerves will knit back together and talk to you as they are doing so with sharp stabbing pains out of nowhere, so take it easy on yourself. Lucky you! No lymph nodes! I had 2 positive sentinals so am in chemo now. But I will survive. As far as pain meds go, tell your husband to do some research on this or have a candid discussion with your dr. There is NO reason that a woman should suffer from pain while fighting this disease, and your husband should NOT be your pill gatekeeper. Yes, you may have to change meds because you build up a tolerance, but this is not the same as an addiction. If you feel like whining everyday then do so! Pick a time frame and whine whine whine, the give it a rest. You have just been through probably the most major event in your life and yes, scared and teary would be an appropriate reaction.

    I am told I can't speak of my illness at home! (but let the DH get a headache or tooth ache and lookout, the world has ended - men! ) We all have our famiy issues:) So I go out with the girls and talk. The latest round of chemo ( Tax) has me so sore that I am on a regime of pain meds to catch the pain prior to onset. And it is working. I am happier, because I do NOT hurt. When you hurt, you cry! So ask husband to back off of your meds, you can do this, and you will get well. ! There are so many of us out here and we can help. really...good luck to you.
    Hugs to you. Join these networks because they really really help all of us! :) Need spell check on this!

    Take care!
  • Stormy8281
    Stormy8281 Member Posts: 24
    I Still Get Angry!!
    Viking,

    I was diagnosed with BC on Christmas Eve 07, and had a lumpectomy in the first week of January. Everyone (even reading in books about cancer) told me it was my time to heal and have family and friends take care of me. I felt guilty for a long time and still do to have to depend on people for my everyday care. For me, Viking, I have my mom, husband, and at times my brother to take care of me. After my lumpectomy, my only child (daughter, 38) told me she couldn't deal with the fact I had cancer, and we didn't talk for about 8 months. We used to talk at least once or twice a week. That, more than having cancer to deal with, almost killed me.

    When I would go out(mostly for treatments) I either wore a wig, hat, or scarf, and always wore makeup. Putting makeup on is just what I always did before getting sick. Since I looked reasonably well, people started to assume I felt great! Viking, I was in so much pain, I would go into my room and cry a river. I would feel so bad for what my husband and mom were going through...not really understanding what they could do, and they didn't and couldn't understand what I was going through. So, I hid my pain. One advice I can give to you, never hide your pain, and never dress up for the chemo nurses and doctors. They will say, "Boy! You look great"! Don't hide your pain!

    Like you, I felt and still feel so alone. One thing I wish I could have done is join a support group. I never was able to join a group, because we live in the mountains and too far away from a city where they offer a BC support group. I love my family very much, but being with people who are going, or have gone through what you are going through is much better for your healing process. I finally was able to meet someone who lives close to me, who is a 10 yr survivor. She has become my angel. Sometimes, I feel my family think enough is enough already. In fact, I know they do. Please don't get me wrong, they have always been around for me. I suppose I would feel the same way.


    When friends sent and brought gifts, they mostly had something to do with Breast Cancer. I would thank them, then after they left I would throw the gift away. Getting rid of the gift made me feel sad, but I hated anything to do with breast cancer after dealing with it for a while.

    It's been about a month since my last treatment and I still have bone pain. Sometimes the pain is more severe, but the pain is still there. My oncologist told me if it lasts for another two weeks, it must be fibromyalgia. I almost flipped! My family can't understand why I can't go out to dinner or even get out of my house. My bones hurt so bad, I keep trying to explain it to them over and over, until I feel like I'm complaining. I feel like no one believes me anymore. It just seems like anything that can happen wrong will happen to me. I can't wait until the radiation treatments. NOT!!!

    I have been able not to feel so guilty about having others fix meals, because I know soon I'll be back in the kitchen and I'm taking advantage of my mom's cooking. My husband never cooks, but he actually cooked the best breakfast one morning.

    I have an aunt who is a 24 year BC survivor. Unfortunately, she lives too far from us, but she calls all the time. We haven't seen each other for one reason or another for almost 30 years. (Gosh, that makes feel me old!) We made plans for me to visit her last week (to get away for a while.) I had to cancel my flight the morning of my trip because I could hardly walk. I felt so horrible for my aunt. She told me not to worry about it at all, because we can now start planning on doing double the things we had planned to do. Talk about a lift!!

    Viking, I could go on and on. I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal. At least, normal for me, and I'm sure from all the responses you will receive, normal for most people here. This site saved me so many times. The words and support from the many angels who I know will share their experiences with you. I used to feel guilty when I would write a message complaining, or just to share feelings. I'm so greatful to have found them.

    I will be thinking of you, and praying that you get through this real soon.

    Just remember, it's OK for you to feel the way you do, and you've found the greatest place to vent your feelings.

    Lots of hugs,

    Gale
  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    An Echo
    I can only echo what all of the others have said. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, but it is doable. And, you won't be alone. We've all walked in your shoes. Cry when you feel like it. I was given that advice by a good friend on this web site and it was some of the best advice I was given. As for pain meds - that's what they are for - PAIN. Don't be a martyr. Everyone's threshold for pain is different. You are the best judge of when you need relief. Take care and bless you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Marilynn
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482

    I Still Get Angry!!
    Viking,

    I was diagnosed with BC on Christmas Eve 07, and had a lumpectomy in the first week of January. Everyone (even reading in books about cancer) told me it was my time to heal and have family and friends take care of me. I felt guilty for a long time and still do to have to depend on people for my everyday care. For me, Viking, I have my mom, husband, and at times my brother to take care of me. After my lumpectomy, my only child (daughter, 38) told me she couldn't deal with the fact I had cancer, and we didn't talk for about 8 months. We used to talk at least once or twice a week. That, more than having cancer to deal with, almost killed me.

    When I would go out(mostly for treatments) I either wore a wig, hat, or scarf, and always wore makeup. Putting makeup on is just what I always did before getting sick. Since I looked reasonably well, people started to assume I felt great! Viking, I was in so much pain, I would go into my room and cry a river. I would feel so bad for what my husband and mom were going through...not really understanding what they could do, and they didn't and couldn't understand what I was going through. So, I hid my pain. One advice I can give to you, never hide your pain, and never dress up for the chemo nurses and doctors. They will say, "Boy! You look great"! Don't hide your pain!

    Like you, I felt and still feel so alone. One thing I wish I could have done is join a support group. I never was able to join a group, because we live in the mountains and too far away from a city where they offer a BC support group. I love my family very much, but being with people who are going, or have gone through what you are going through is much better for your healing process. I finally was able to meet someone who lives close to me, who is a 10 yr survivor. She has become my angel. Sometimes, I feel my family think enough is enough already. In fact, I know they do. Please don't get me wrong, they have always been around for me. I suppose I would feel the same way.


    When friends sent and brought gifts, they mostly had something to do with Breast Cancer. I would thank them, then after they left I would throw the gift away. Getting rid of the gift made me feel sad, but I hated anything to do with breast cancer after dealing with it for a while.

    It's been about a month since my last treatment and I still have bone pain. Sometimes the pain is more severe, but the pain is still there. My oncologist told me if it lasts for another two weeks, it must be fibromyalgia. I almost flipped! My family can't understand why I can't go out to dinner or even get out of my house. My bones hurt so bad, I keep trying to explain it to them over and over, until I feel like I'm complaining. I feel like no one believes me anymore. It just seems like anything that can happen wrong will happen to me. I can't wait until the radiation treatments. NOT!!!

    I have been able not to feel so guilty about having others fix meals, because I know soon I'll be back in the kitchen and I'm taking advantage of my mom's cooking. My husband never cooks, but he actually cooked the best breakfast one morning.

    I have an aunt who is a 24 year BC survivor. Unfortunately, she lives too far from us, but she calls all the time. We haven't seen each other for one reason or another for almost 30 years. (Gosh, that makes feel me old!) We made plans for me to visit her last week (to get away for a while.) I had to cancel my flight the morning of my trip because I could hardly walk. I felt so horrible for my aunt. She told me not to worry about it at all, because we can now start planning on doing double the things we had planned to do. Talk about a lift!!

    Viking, I could go on and on. I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal. At least, normal for me, and I'm sure from all the responses you will receive, normal for most people here. This site saved me so many times. The words and support from the many angels who I know will share their experiences with you. I used to feel guilty when I would write a message complaining, or just to share feelings. I'm so greatful to have found them.

    I will be thinking of you, and praying that you get through this real soon.

    Just remember, it's OK for you to feel the way you do, and you've found the greatest place to vent your feelings.

    Lots of hugs,

    Gale

    Wow, Gale - Your comment
    Wow, Gale - Your comment about throwing away the gifts related to C after the friends left hit me in the heart and loosened something. I know just what you mean. Here is my confession. I ran in the Susan B Komen Race for the Cure. Work friends were there. We all got white t-shirts, only mine was bright pink cuz I was a survivor. I hid away from being in the group picture because I felt like a mascot. When I got home I THREW AWAY my Race for the Cure T Shirt. Everytime I see someone else with the shirt on in public, I look away.
    Now I know the Race for the Cure folk meant well and that many women were very proud of the shirts. I just felt separated, singled-out from what used to be my peer group. Thank you for your brave honesty writing what you did, and thanks for letting me get that off my chest (and end with a pun!) love, Joyce
  • jannyfran
    jannyfran Member Posts: 33
    feeling the same way
    hi viking!!!!!!

    i was just reading your comment, and if i didn't know better, i would think it was me writing it. your situation is exactly the same as mine. honestly, i am going through the same thing. everyone tells me "it could've been worse", "thank god we caught it as early as we did" the core biopsy was the worse thing i have ever gone through, and will never ever do it again if i had too, i felt the whole thing since they did not numb me enough, three different kinds of pain meds are not helping the pain i have. mind you, i had two lumpectomies and the last one was july 3rd and still having pain. today i went for the very first appointment for the radiation to begin next week, but still having pain. my oncologist scheduled me for a diagnostic mamo and ultra sound to maybe see why i'm still in pain and to see why the top of my breast feels hard and hurts. i pray for you and hope things are getting alittle better for you. this is so great we can talk here, because i feel like a real pain in the neck always complaining to my husband and i feel it's not fair to him to constantly hear me complaining about this pain besides the back problems i have. well, i'm here for you and i hope things get better. hugs...jannyfran
  • suzanne56
    suzanne56 Member Posts: 18
    Viking 13
    I could tell you your lucky because you are. I had the biopsy (which was the worst pain), I had a lumpectomy and finally a mastectomy. USE THE PAIN MEDS! Thats what they are for. To me the biopsy hurt worse than anything. I'm allergic to pain meds (most of them) so I know what you feel. And if you want to cry, do it! I know it is hard on your family, but they will not know how you feel. The doctor won't give you enough pain meds to get addicted. I think its harder for family to deal with than the patient. Tell them to get counceling, it helps. I had breast cancer in 2006 and I still cry at times. If my family doesn't understand, its their problem. You can't explain what you feel to someone who hasn't been there. So don't try. Just feel what you feel and it will get better.
    ps. Ask the doctor about exercises. They are painful, but worth it. And take the PAIN MEDS.