Young woman with breast cancer

You have already done step one of my advice: Ask for help and companionship. This is a great place for that. This board has helped me. You can read my post below to know that you can write anything you feel. We all understand the good and the bad. There are some young mothers who check in, as well as this rather middle aged mother who is writing. I felt down during chemo and attitude wasn't always enough to pull me up. Sometimes I felt like the symptoms of chemo were the symptoms of cancer. Not so. Now that I am on the other side of it (six weeks) I have a clear perspective and you will make it through to better days too. In the meantime, write how you feel, let it all out, take your wig off! My favorite place to fall apart is the shower. So private and the water and tears just go down the drain. You have my respect. When I went through chemo, I WAS the baby. You are going through chemo and taking care of babies! You are a good, strong mother. If you need a couple of showers, that is just what coping looks like.
love - Joyce (trying to shower a little love your way)

scaraher said:

Thanks everyone for your support, I guess it is that I feel so alone. I have only gone to one chemo appt but everyone else there is so much older and I have attended a support group meeting but like chemo they are so much older. It is hard to find someone may age going through this or that has gone through it. I feel so alone sometimes. It was strange in between surgery and chemo I felt fine it was hard to believe I have cancer but now after one round of chemo I feel it. I feel so tired and that I am taking away from my kids and husband. They all try especially my 4 year old he is very sensitive to his mommy and is always trying to help or make me feel better but then he has a melt down and it is hard to deal with that I hate putting my children through that. I found out I tested positive for BRCA2 mutation and have a 50/50 chance of passing it on to my sons and that makes me feel horrible even though I know it is not something I intentionally did but still it is the mother's guilt. Then also with the BRCA2 I feel like it is no longer if I have a recurrence but when and I am scared of not being here for my kids and grandkids. It is just so much to deal with that I get so overwhelmed.

This disease is so upsetting. Reading your post really brought back all those feelings of hearing that diagnosis. Yes, initially you are scared shitless, then after surgery, you think, I feel like me, how is it possible that I have cancer? I too felt like a "cancer patient" once the chemo started. Suddenly it sinks in at that point as you sit in the treatment chair and look around at all of the patients and think; "I am a patient in a cancer center--how can this be?" I was diagnosed at 42 and you are so much younger but I too felt a bit alone because the other patients were much older than me. But eventually, you begin to feel a connection and kinship with any cancer patient and survivor you meet because we are all in a club and only we truly know what it is like to battle cancer. I know right now things seem so darn depressing, but please know and believe that it will get better. Chemo sucks but it does pass, and you just have to remember that it is a powerful weapon in your arsenal to beat the crap out of cancer! Soon you will be done with treatment and you can start to move on. The Brca thing is upsetting I know, but your doctors can closely monitor you with 6 mos mammograms/ultrasound/etc.. and if anything shows up again they will find it at the earliest possible point when they can eliminate it quickly. Please remember that you are not alone and we are all here for you. Write often and we will help any way we can. We have been there and can share our stories, advice, ideas, and encouragement and support. You can do this.God Bless, Eileen

There is a big difference between someone who is BCRA and someone who KNOWS they are BCRA. You can take the extra steps and tests to keep you safe now. And, your sons, as a result of what you are going through and finding out, will be able to keep themselves safer also. This is a gift you are giving them. Your DX may well save them a lot of troubles. I think you need a supermom TShirt to wear to chemo. I know it is hard. But for every ugliness, their is a counter side of beauty. Sometimes, if we can't say the good to ourselves, think of what you would say to a loved friend in your circumstances and listen in on your advice. This technique lets you hear positive attitudes, and most importantly, makes you into your own friend. I saw this exercise that suggests writing a letter to G-d, and then writing your own response to the letter, as if you were G-d. You can write as down and dirty in the first part, scream out for help, and you will find, when you write the reply, that you may have more strength, G-d given, than you knew and more love. Here, I will show you what I mean, this might be a short letter I would write (on a silly subject compared to the deep concerns you spoke)
Dear G-d,
I am so ugly now. I am bald like a freak and have to cover it up in shame with fake wigs. This is very hard for me, G-d, because I was always into being natural! Now I feel naturally ugly. How could you do this to me?
Sincerely! Joyce
Dear Joyce,
I have taught you all your life that beauty comes from within. Would you call an amputee you meet on the street by the ugly words you use for yourself? And you have only lost your hair. And that temporarily! An important part of nature is the cycle of time. Your hair is growing. Naturally. Why don't you consider the yourself like a baby bird in the nest, waiting for feathers. And as for the wig, curse at it all you want. It does not have feelings. But, at the same time, take care of the things that do have feelings, like yourself. Treat yourself with love. That is how I treat you...I love you,
G-d
I am not formally religious, but it stll helps me to write and read those words.
Well, this is a long response. Hope it helps. If not, just scroll through till you get to this part YOU ARE AMONG TRUSTED FRIENDS HERE AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER! love, Joyce, whose hair is getting better too