Young woman with breast cancer

scaraher

Hi everyone, I am new here. I am 29 and diagnosed with BC two months ago. I am now in chemo. I feel all alone even though I have great friends and a loving husband. Noone knows what I am going through and how to help me. I know it may sound like I am feeling a little down but I am. It is hard trying to be mommy to toddlers and keep the mommy face on when all I want to do is fall apart. Anybody have any advice?

Unknown

You have already done step one of my advice: Ask for help and companionship. This is a great place for that. This board has helped me. You can read my post below to know that you can write anything you feel. We all understand the good and the bad. There are some young mothers who check in, as well as this rather middle aged mother who is writing. I felt down during chemo and attitude wasn't always enough to pull me up. Sometimes I felt like the symptoms of chemo were the symptoms of cancer. Not so. Now that I am on the other side of it (six weeks) I have a clear perspective and you will make it through to better days too. In the meantime, write how you feel, let it all out, take your wig off! My favorite place to fall apart is the shower. So private and the water and tears just go down the drain. You have my respect. When I went through chemo, I WAS the baby. You are going through chemo and taking care of babies! You are a good, strong mother. If you need a couple of showers, that is just what coping looks like.
love - Joyce (trying to shower a little love your way)

KathiM

Down is expected. And, well, being misunderstood by people that are not touched by cancer is, too. Not that they don't want to understand, it's just different when you are watching.

When things got a bit overwhelming, I either put on a funny movie and laughed, or admitted it was a 'bad day' and shared with my friends here...

Most important, you are NOT alone...we have all been there before you!!!

Hugs, Kathi
(almost 2 years NED on breast cancer, 3 years on rectal cancer...)

3cbrca

I just came from dinner with a young friend who was diagnosed with leukemia when her two children were 18 months and 3 years old. It's been a rough journey for her and her children were what kept her going. Keep posting on this board and you will find a lot of support. I never thought I would post on a web site, but I have found that special rapport from all the women here who do understand. You can also email with people on this discussion board - which I found really helpful when I found someone who was just like me. I had 23 invasive lymph nodes (almost 2 years ago) and didn't expect to be alive today. I had never heard of anyone like that. But, guess what -I found women here who also had a ridiculous number of pos lymph nodes and emailed with them because I knew they understood.
Ask your chemo nurse for local support groups. Go online to see if you have a Gilda's Club in your community http://www.gildasclub.org/ and check with your local ACS office to see where you might meet other cancer survivors in your age group - don't limit yourself to just breast cancer survivors. My young friend with leukemia (she's my friend's daughter) and I discuss this and our experiences are remarkably similiar, even though I had breast and colon and I'm a friend of her moms.
Stay in touch and know you have our support.
Sheilah

Unknown

I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 38 and had a 12 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. That was 22 years ago this summer. I say that in hopes that it will help you to see breast cancer as a TEMPORARY issue in your life which you will deal with and then move on. There is so much life after cancer and we should not have to struggle so hard to win it, but the fact is that we sometimes do.
The ladies here will provide that extra 'something' in their love and support that will help you keep going when you just think you can not do it. Because you CAN and you WILL.

scaraher

Thanks everyone for your support, I guess it is that I feel so alone. I have only gone to one chemo appt but everyone else there is so much older and I have attended a support group meeting but like chemo they are so much older. It is hard to find someone may age going through this or that has gone through it. I feel so alone sometimes. It was strange in between surgery and chemo I felt fine it was hard to believe I have cancer but now after one round of chemo I feel it. I feel so tired and that I am taking away from my kids and husband. They all try especially my 4 year old he is very sensitive to his mommy and is always trying to help or make me feel better but then he has a melt down and it is hard to deal with that I hate putting my children through that. I found out I tested positive for BRCA2 mutation and have a 50/50 chance of passing it on to my sons and that makes me feel horrible even though I know it is not something I intentionally did but still it is the mother's guilt. Then also with the BRCA2 I feel like it is no longer if I have a recurrence but when and I am scared of not being here for my kids and grandkids. It is just so much to deal with that I get so overwhelmed.

cabbott

scaraher said:

Thanks everyone for your support, I guess it is that I feel so alone. I have only gone to one chemo appt but everyone else there is so much older and I have attended a support group meeting but like chemo they are so much older. It is hard to find someone may age going through this or that has gone through it. I feel so alone sometimes. It was strange in between surgery and chemo I felt fine it was hard to believe I have cancer but now after one round of chemo I feel it. I feel so tired and that I am taking away from my kids and husband. They all try especially my 4 year old he is very sensitive to his mommy and is always trying to help or make me feel better but then he has a melt down and it is hard to deal with that I hate putting my children through that. I found out I tested positive for BRCA2 mutation and have a 50/50 chance of passing it on to my sons and that makes me feel horrible even though I know it is not something I intentionally did but still it is the mother's guilt. Then also with the BRCA2 I feel like it is no longer if I have a recurrence but when and I am scared of not being here for my kids and grandkids. It is just so much to deal with that I get so overwhelmed.

The Welllness Community is in my town and they offer free support groups for folks with cancer. They have a special group for folks with breast cancer since so many of us live with it. It is different from the support group at the hospitals because it mainly deals with emotional support while the hospital gives medical information. Both are important, but I found that talking to fellow survivors helped my sense of balance the most. My husband tried hard to be a support,but it was unfair to place the whole burden of support on his shoulders. It helped my marriage and my state of mind to be able to unload all my fears in a supportive group that could give me "been there&done that" advice. I hope you can find a group for you too. In the meantime, the folks on this board are great! I just wish the computer folks could figure out how to send a hug or a tissue over the net. Sometimes we need that too!

Unknown

scaraher said:

Thanks everyone for your support, I guess it is that I feel so alone. I have only gone to one chemo appt but everyone else there is so much older and I have attended a support group meeting but like chemo they are so much older. It is hard to find someone may age going through this or that has gone through it. I feel so alone sometimes. It was strange in between surgery and chemo I felt fine it was hard to believe I have cancer but now after one round of chemo I feel it. I feel so tired and that I am taking away from my kids and husband. They all try especially my 4 year old he is very sensitive to his mommy and is always trying to help or make me feel better but then he has a melt down and it is hard to deal with that I hate putting my children through that. I found out I tested positive for BRCA2 mutation and have a 50/50 chance of passing it on to my sons and that makes me feel horrible even though I know it is not something I intentionally did but still it is the mother's guilt. Then also with the BRCA2 I feel like it is no longer if I have a recurrence but when and I am scared of not being here for my kids and grandkids. It is just so much to deal with that I get so overwhelmed.

This disease is so upsetting. Reading your post really brought back all those feelings of hearing that diagnosis. Yes, initially you are scared shitless, then after surgery, you think, I feel like me, how is it possible that I have cancer? I too felt like a "cancer patient" once the chemo started. Suddenly it sinks in at that point as you sit in the treatment chair and look around at all of the patients and think; "I am a patient in a cancer center--how can this be?" I was diagnosed at 42 and you are so much younger but I too felt a bit alone because the other patients were much older than me. But eventually, you begin to feel a connection and kinship with any cancer patient and survivor you meet because we are all in a club and only we truly know what it is like to battle cancer. I know right now things seem so darn depressing, but please know and believe that it will get better. Chemo sucks but it does pass, and you just have to remember that it is a powerful weapon in your arsenal to beat the crap out of cancer! Soon you will be done with treatment and you can start to move on. The Brca thing is upsetting I know, but your doctors can closely monitor you with 6 mos mammograms/ultrasound/etc.. and if anything shows up again they will find it at the earliest possible point when they can eliminate it quickly. Please remember that you are not alone and we are all here for you. Write often and we will help any way we can. We have been there and can share our stories, advice, ideas, and encouragement and support. You can do this.God Bless, Eileen

chenheart

At 29, 49, 79, or 99, I am convinced any age is too young to have to battle the Cancer Beast. That having been said, the age,demographics, and personal circumstances we find in here bind us together in ways you would never think possible.
I often say we find ourselves on a Rollercoaster with no seat belts, there is oil on the tracks, and its just started to rain! So you know what we do? We hold on for dear life!

You will find this discussion board full of the writings of insightful, intelligent women ( and some men, of course) who have walked your path. You will find yourself on the other side of cancer, giving support, encouragement, and advice to the ones who follow you.

Hugs, and come in here as often as you want! We are always here...

Hugs,
Claudia

Unknown

There is a big difference between someone who is BCRA and someone who KNOWS they are BCRA. You can take the extra steps and tests to keep you safe now. And, your sons, as a result of what you are going through and finding out, will be able to keep themselves safer also. This is a gift you are giving them. Your DX may well save them a lot of troubles. I think you need a supermom TShirt to wear to chemo. I know it is hard. But for every ugliness, their is a counter side of beauty. Sometimes, if we can't say the good to ourselves, think of what you would say to a loved friend in your circumstances and listen in on your advice. This technique lets you hear positive attitudes, and most importantly, makes you into your own friend. I saw this exercise that suggests writing a letter to G-d, and then writing your own response to the letter, as if you were G-d. You can write as down and dirty in the first part, scream out for help, and you will find, when you write the reply, that you may have more strength, G-d given, than you knew and more love. Here, I will show you what I mean, this might be a short letter I would write (on a silly subject compared to the deep concerns you spoke)
Dear G-d,
I am so ugly now. I am bald like a freak and have to cover it up in shame with fake wigs. This is very hard for me, G-d, because I was always into being natural! Now I feel naturally ugly. How could you do this to me?
Sincerely! Joyce
Dear Joyce,
I have taught you all your life that beauty comes from within. Would you call an amputee you meet on the street by the ugly words you use for yourself? And you have only lost your hair. And that temporarily! An important part of nature is the cycle of time. Your hair is growing. Naturally. Why don't you consider the yourself like a baby bird in the nest, waiting for feathers. And as for the wig, curse at it all you want. It does not have feelings. But, at the same time, take care of the things that do have feelings, like yourself. Treat yourself with love. That is how I treat you...I love you,
G-d
I am not formally religious, but it stll helps me to write and read those words.
Well, this is a long response. Hope it helps. If not, just scroll through till you get to this part YOU ARE AMONG TRUSTED FRIENDS HERE AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER! love, Joyce, whose hair is getting better too

ninjamom

I will give you the advice that was given to me recently..."Keep coming to this site". I'm also new here and already feel like I have a new group of friends and great support group.

God Bless you and your family.

seof

I like What Joycelouise said. I have done daily journalling off and on at various times in my life. Going back and reading what I wrote during hard times, and realizing that I made it through them, helps me believe I will make it through what is happening today too.

One more thing...get all the help you can, even with little things, and don't feel guilty. You are going through a LOT, and it's OK to be upset about it.

God bless, seof

mmontero38

So sorry to have to welcome you here to this site because it means you are joining our fight in battling the beast. I was very scared when I was diagnosed and did not learn of this site until my treatment was over, but I have come to love everyone here for their opinions, insight and being my support group. You will find that we are very supportive of each other and that you can post anything and we will be here to give you advice, support and much needed hugs and love. There are days that I still have feelings of despair, and I am approaching my 1st anniversary in June. Keep posting and we will always be here for you. God Bless, Lili

Skybuf

cancer seems to be no respector of persons eh! Your so young and many are now. Know this hon, your NOT alone. We have all felt what your feeling now, I know all too well having gone thru this myself, my hubby was of no support but my church family was there for me and good friends. Hang on to your friends, let them help any way they can, it helps them to help you. Let them come over and stay with the kids, play games with them. Watch movies together and keep your mind busy and "positive". I didn't allow negative people around me when going thru chemo or rads....
Our prayers and support are always here for you, stop by and vent whenever you need to, share what your feeling and let us help you too!! God bless

jdubious

hi!
A resource for young(er) women is the young survivor coalition (youngsurvival.org) they have bulletin boards, chat and support groups. It was founded by three women under 35. Another resource is is y-me (y-me.org) who also has groups and resources for younger survivors.

jill