having a tough time

Dear JennaRose, First off a huge ((((((hug))))). And then to let you know it is really common to be depressed after all the treatments and stuff. For one you just came through a heck of a battle, secondly you are running on low hormones. Many people after treatments take anti depressants for awhile and it takes awhile for them to start working. I know it will get better and that lots of the woman here well share lots of encouraging words.

Hugs N Prayers BonnieRose

You've been through so much - don't be so hard on yourself. The other ladies gave you some good advice. And is your bf really 'looking', or are you perceiving it as such because you feel so low? There are so many factors here. I agree you should maybe have a nice chat with your bf to let him know - he may not be aware of why you feel this way.
In the meantime, be assured it will get better. We will all send prayers and hugs in bunches.
(((HUGS)))
Monika

Jennarose you are such a pretty young woman and I know that this has got to be awful to be so young and have such a horrible time! But...as the ladies have said, it will take time for the meds to start working and you start feeling better. Whenever I had those times of not feeling so pretty I would add highlihgts to my short hair or one time I colored it red! I certainly got a reaction from my husband from that one! Good luck sweetie...I know that soon you will be feeling better and maybe if you can't talk to your boyfriend you can have him read these post.
Thinking of you!
Jami

I'm going to reply without looking at what anyone else wrote, because I want to give you an honest reply. I'm older and have been married 20+ years to my wife, and I've always told her how much I loved her and did not care that she went up and down in weight over the years. It was her I loved. I've tried to prove that to her so many ways over the years, but sometimes people hear and see only what they're used to, etc. Well, we went through ovarian cancer Round 1 together and she lost her hair and had her belly carved up, but I still loved her. Now we're in Round II and I will tell you that as a sort of self-protection I imagined on occasion what it would mean if I lost her. And occasionally I'd even think who I'd want to meet if she did die. I felt horribly guilty for these thoughts, like I was killing her off or something. But I realize I'm human and was just trying to protect myself. And we went through some horrid stuff together this round; ascites and anxiety and depression, but it's very weird that it has brought us closer. In some ways people's worst faults expose the areas they ultimately can change. And through prayer and support we feel that there is a purpose in everything we've gone through. Like we've been refined. I no longer have those thoughts, but I now consider them healthy in a way. Some psychologist can tell me why. I don't care. Men will look at other women because they're scared, or filling some unspoken need, some vision of themselves they haven't had the courage to share. So be patient. Ask questions, kindly. You've shown much courage and you will come out of this depression. Something will touch your heart, or someone, and you will emerge. That's it. That's the best "male" perspective I can offer. Hope it doesn't sound nuts.

Hi Jennarose,
My name is Marianna. I'm 52 years old and married, but aside from that I feel like I can very much relate to you. I was also diagnosed with stage 2C ovarian cancer in April 07. Since fertility was not an issue at my age, I had a complete hysterectomy instead of radiation, followed by 6 chemo sessions. A month ago, I had a "second look" surgery during which they took many tissue samples to verify that the treatments worked. A couple of days later, my surgeon told me the official news that there's no sign of cancer, but as you, I've been unable to let myself be happy about it. I've been sad and confused and trying to figure out what is wrong with me for feeling this way. I thought if/when the time came to hear the good news I would want to shout it from the rooftops, but I can't. It's just very difficult for me to let my guard down not knowing if the cancer will come back again. This fear along with the feeling that I need to "keep my dukes up" for the next fight that may be just around the corner keeps me from being able to relax and enjoy the positives in the present. Fortunatelly, my doctor prescribed some non-hormonal meds to help with my hot flashes which is usually prescribed for anxiety. Although this drug (Clonazepam) isn't doing much for my hot flashes, it does seem to be elevating my mood. After taking it for about 2 weeks now, I've noticed the other day that I'm looking forward to going back to work and doing the things I enjoyed before cancer. I'm smiling and being goofy more like I used to.

Looking back at what we've been through it's not surprising that we feel depressed, even when it seems to be behind us. At the start of all this I felt an overwhelming fear, and now in addition to some residual fear I also feel guilt for doing better than many others who are not as fortunate. I think that's a big part of the sadness. Now, as the fog of this cancer experience is beginning to lift, I'm starting to remember who I am, and before long I think you will too. I've recently joined a local support group, and I'm finding that talking with people who understand what you've been through and how you're feeling is very helpful. Also, exercising, and the use of relaxation/meditaion CDs help as well.

Hang in there! After what you've been through, this is the easy part. I hope you'll be feeling better soon!

~Marianna~

P.S.
Please feel free to email me!