very scared!

I am sorry for your scary news. I have been very scared myself lately. I have breast cancer that I just can't seem to get rid of. Now I have horrible skin mets and am too run down for them to give me chemo. All I can say is that despite everyone on here seeming very brave, we all have horrible scary, surreal moments when we just cannot believe this is happening to us. I woke up in a panic at midnight and literally had diarrhea. My doctor has given me some pills for anxiety and when I take them regularly, they really help a lot. Don't be afraid to ask. Wish I could reach out and hug you and have a good cry together. There are so many treatments available...just don't give up!

There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store.

This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, especially teacups.

Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke to the couple;

"You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a teacup There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone!", but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!!"

Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!", I screamed. But the master only nodded and said quietly "Not yet."

He spun, poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then.....

he put me in the oven.

I never felt such heat! I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.

"Help! Get me out of here!"

I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side and again said, "Not yet".

When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good!

Ah, this is much better, I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. Oh, please; "Stop it, Stop it!!" I cried. He only shook his head and said "Not yet".

Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate! I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up.

Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said "Look at yourself" And I did

I said, "That's not me, that couldn't be me. It's beautiful! I'm beautiful!"

Quietly he spoke "I want you to remember", then he said, "I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

The moral of this story is this:

God knows what He's doing with each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mould us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work, to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

In may of 2005 at the age of 42, I found a "dimple" on my left breast. To make a long journey short...4 surgeries, 4 months of chemo, 6 and a half weeks radiation, I am now cancer free! This was the 2nd most scarey thing I have ever been through in my life. (The first was when the doctors told me in Nov. 2005 that my 17yr old son had hodgkins lymphoma!)Any way the point of this is to tell you...If you feel that God thinks you are a "C" student then there is a lesson to learn. I am very vocal about my christanity, but (still) am not very good at living it. My flesh aways seems to win. anywho...In one of those sleepless panic filled nights, before chemo started... I ran to God crying and screaming and begging not to have to do this! I believe God gave me the following scripture. Job 3:25-26 "For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me. And what I dreaded has happened to me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, for trouble comes." I also like and read it a lot...Job 4: 2-11 I will let you look that up, but I think, basically it says, you have talked the talk, now walk the walk. I never forgot that God told satan that he could do anything to Job except take his life. I CLAIMED THAT! I truely do not put my self in the same place that Job was...comparitively my battle was a breeze! God loves you. Go to your doctors with confidence that you have the best physician that money could NEVER buy. Do nothing in fear, Do all in His name. Please know that you are in my prayers and that God know your name. Your sister (in many ways) drenna