very scared!

cbosarge Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have recently found lumps in my breast, larger ones in my left breast as well as several lymph nodes under my left arm and thru out my left breast. I am a survior of Thyroid cancer. I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer in Jan of 2006. I am do for my body scan Sept 2006, they believe it has come back. I have gone to my family doctor and she has set up a mammogram and has gone ahead and ordered an ultrasound immediately to follow. I am very scared, confused, angry, and anxious about these test. I am also very nervous because there is a link between thyroid cancer and breast cancer. So I would assume my chances of increased greatly. I am looking for some input from previous suviors or anyone going thru breast cancer. I will appreciate any help or information given to me. I am super scared because of the lymph nodes presenting themselves. I found two of them by BSE, but my doctor felt several more. I am so scared of the diagnosis of both of these test. I feel like both are going to be bad news. I just hope I am strong enough to make it thru both treatments. I keep telling GOD I know you don't give out more than we can handle, but he is so pushing it because I am only a C student!!!!! I guess it is a good thing I haven't lost my sense of humor.


  • dbqueen
    dbqueen Member Posts: 16
    I am sorry for your scary news. I have been very scared myself lately. I have breast cancer that I just can't seem to get rid of. Now I have horrible skin mets and am too run down for them to give me chemo. All I can say is that despite everyone on here seeming very brave, we all have horrible scary, surreal moments when we just cannot believe this is happening to us. I woke up in a panic at midnight and literally had diarrhea. My doctor has given me some pills for anxiety and when I take them regularly, they really help a lot. Don't be afraid to ask. Wish I could reach out and hug you and have a good cry together. There are so many treatments available...just don't give up!
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    You don't sound like a C student to me. You sound like someone who is working hard to live... that is what we do...Sometimes it does seem like God gives us more than we can handle... but you will be surprised that he will give you a way to handle this. I will hope and pray that your results will not be as bad as you expect.... But if they are you will find a way to handle it. I wish I could find a Poem that Kathy M put on here months ago. It was about the making of a beautiful teacup and all the difficulties that must be endured to make it..... And with cancer we all feel like we are give lots of challenges....

    Take Care of Yourself..... Hugs.... God Bless...

  • lovonna
    lovonna Member Posts: 78
    There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store.

    This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, especially teacups.

    Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

    As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke to the couple;

    "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a teacup There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone!", but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!!"

    Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!", I screamed. But the master only nodded and said quietly "Not yet."

    He spun, poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then.....

    he put me in the oven.

    I never felt such heat! I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.

    "Help! Get me out of here!"

    I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side and again said, "Not yet".

    When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good!

    Ah, this is much better, I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. Oh, please; "Stop it, Stop it!!" I cried. He only shook his head and said "Not yet".

    Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate! I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up.

    Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said "Look at yourself" And I did

    I said, "That's not me, that couldn't be me. It's beautiful! I'm beautiful!"

    Quietly he spoke "I want you to remember", then he said, "I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

    The moral of this story is this:

    God knows what He's doing with each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mould us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work, to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Yup, I found the secret....give the teacher a big, sloppy kiss!!!!

    If you read my page, you will see I got the 2-fer....rectal cancer followed by unrelated (non-metastatic) breast cancer.....3 months later.

    From first diagnosis (11/04) to NED (7/06) on BOTH cancers....

    What will you do? Same as me....cry, yell, and then FIGHT LIKE HECK (you fill in the rhyme!).

    Hugs and good, strong, healing vibes....

    (And the story is the one LoVonna posted....great visualization....)
  • drenna
    drenna Member Posts: 8
    In may of 2005 at the age of 42, I found a "dimple" on my left breast. To make a long journey short...4 surgeries, 4 months of chemo, 6 and a half weeks radiation, I am now cancer free! This was the 2nd most scarey thing I have ever been through in my life. (The first was when the doctors told me in Nov. 2005 that my 17yr old son had hodgkins lymphoma!)Any way the point of this is to tell you...If you feel that God thinks you are a "C" student then there is a lesson to learn. I am very vocal about my christanity, but (still) am not very good at living it. My flesh aways seems to win. anywho...In one of those sleepless panic filled nights, before chemo started... I ran to God crying and screaming and begging not to have to do this! I believe God gave me the following scripture. Job 3:25-26 "For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me. And what I dreaded has happened to me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, for trouble comes." I also like and read it a lot...Job 4: 2-11 I will let you look that up, but I think, basically it says, you have talked the talk, now walk the walk. I never forgot that God told satan that he could do anything to Job except take his life. I CLAIMED THAT! I truely do not put my self in the same place that Job was...comparitively my battle was a breeze! God loves you. Go to your doctors with confidence that you have the best physician that money could NEVER buy. Do nothing in fear, Do all in His name. Please know that you are in my prayers and that God know your name. Your sister (in many ways) drenna
  • ylgriffin1
    ylgriffin1 Member Posts: 17
    so sorry to hear you are scared. we all are scared on and off. i have bc. invasive. diag 3/04. reoccurrenc with mastectomy and unrelated hysterectomy diag. 6/06. I was so hurt when I felt a new lump. thought the worst but there was no spread to lymph nodes nor had it metastasized. the truth is, we're not as brave as we seem. i have my moments of crying, screaming, thinking the worst, etc. i just make sure i don't stay in that place. your body can react to your thoughts. dr's have found that those who try to have faith and have positive thoughts often respond better to treatment. so do your crying, think the worst but don't stay in that period of despair. You have to force yourself out of despair mode. don't despair over what you don't know. i was the same before every body scan, mri, etc. sleepless, thinking the worst, anxious. in fact, i was so low that my dr's thought me suicidal. i have my low times but i'm fighting the beast hard. declare war on any unhealthy thing in your body/mind. read the bible. put on the armor of GOD. go the distance. fight like hell when all the tests are done. don't self diagnose. just pray and know that God loves you. you are no C. He made us in His image and He is no C. God Bless You! yvette
  • cbosarge
    cbosarge Member Posts: 5
    Thank y'all for your help and support. I am very nervous, tommorrow is my mammo and ultrasound. Y'all are such an inspiration to me. I have enjoyed reading the different stories that have been posted by yall. I am going tommorrow hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. I guess I don't want to set myself up for a disappointment if it should turn out to be BC. I am also going for my body scan Friday 9/15/06. I guess it is good that they are being done the same week. I just hope at least one is good news. I will keep everyone posted on the results. Thanks again everyone.