upcoming scan - freaking out

taraHK
taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi All,
I haven't posted (much) for a while -- but you have all been in my mind and heart. I have a PET scan next Monday (3 June). Of course that is always a somewhat stressful time, but I seem to be exceptionally tense this time.

(Brief history: diagnosed Dec 02 with Stage III rectal cancer. Treated in 2003 with chemoradiation, surgery, more chemo. I was NED for 2 years, then had a recurrence in my lung, detected March 05. Treated with surgery and 6 mos. chemo, which finished this past Dec 05).

I had a PET in January, which was clear -- but I feel this one is more significant. Partly, it is sort of spooky timing for me. Last year, I was merrily making plans for family summer vacation when WHAMMY. Everything had to be cancelled/changed. Now, I'm in the midst of making plans for this summer (because life and planning for the future must go on, right?!?). And I keep thinking -- what if it all has to be cancelled again?

But I guess one thing I've learned is that plans can be changed with amazing ease when they have to be. And friends, family, colleagues are so wonderful at just stepping in and helping out. So I guess part of my current anxiety has to do with fear of recurrence, but part has to do with the more general situation of that delicate balance between planning ahead and,.....and what? We have to plan and dream, right? Anyway -- I'm rambling on a little here but grateful if you would keep me in your thoughts and prayers early next week.

Meanwhile -- where did I hide that anti-anxiety medication that the dr. gave me for emergencies?!?
Tara
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Comments

  • finner
    finner Member Posts: 230 Member
    #2
    Hi Tara
    I must have missed a post becuase I didn't know that you were ned last time. Thats so fantastic! I can completely understand you freakin' out. Wish you the best of luck.

    XXX
    Margo
  • debralla
    debralla Member Posts: 203 Member
    #3
    finner said:

    Hi Tara
    I must have missed a post becuase I didn't know that you were ned last time. Thats so fantastic! I can completely understand you freakin' out. Wish you the best of luck.

    XXX
    Margo

    Tara.
    Good Luck on your upcoming Scan . will be praying that all goes well, and that the wait won't be to hard .
    P.S look in the cupboard above the stove behind all of the cold medicine .
    Take Care and God Bless
    Debra
  • vinny3
    vinny3 Member Posts: 928 Member
    #4
    Tara,

    See if they can't expedite getting the report to you. With the holiday the next day there might be some delay but often those are read within one business day. The wait is the worse.
    I sympathize with the roller coaster effect you are going through. I was diagnosed 4/05, apparently Stage I and had chemoradiation and then local surgery. Told it looked like a cure, then had a recurrance 8 months later-still same local area (into the muscle), had APR and again told it looked like a cure and nothing further to be done. Now told I better have chemo and that starts tomorrow.
    Can we ever relax? Our thoughts and prayers are with you for a NEGATIVE SCAN!

    ****
  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818 Member
    #5
    Oh Tara!

    HUGS!! Try to stay positive. We are pulling for you. Waiting is the worst and also planing things hoping you are fine. I'm sending good vibes for next week. Hope you found the meds. Take care.

    Lisa
  • littlejulie
    littlejulie Member Posts: 311
    #6
    POSITIVE THOUGHTS EVER!!!!!! You asked us to keep you in our thoughts and prayers - YOU GOT IT! I'll be looking for a postive post from you in the weeHi Tara!
    Did you find the anti-anxiety meds yet?! Those might be needed :) Tara, I'm sending you the MOST ahead!!! GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!

    ALL THE BEST!
    julie :)
  • littlejulie
    littlejulie Member Posts: 311
    #7
    littlejulie said:

    POSITIVE THOUGHTS EVER!!!!!! You asked us to keep you in our thoughts and prayers - YOU GOT IT! I'll be looking for a postive post from you in the weeHi Tara!
    Did you find the anti-anxiety meds yet?! Those might be needed :) Tara, I'm sending you the MOST ahead!!! GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!

    ALL THE BEST!
    julie :)

    I dont know what happened to my msg above but this is what i meant to say....

    Hi Tara!
    Did you the anti-anxiety meds yet?! Those might be needed :) Tara, I'm sending you the MOST POSITIVE THOUGHTS EVER!!!!!! You asked us to keep you in our thoughts and prayers - YOU GOT IT! I'll be looking for a postive post from you in the weeks ahead!!! GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!

    ALL THE BEST!
    julie :)
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #8
    finner said:

    Hi Tara
    I must have missed a post becuase I didn't know that you were ned last time. Thats so fantastic! I can completely understand you freakin' out. Wish you the best of luck.

    XXX
    Margo

    Thanks, Margo. I'm not sure I even posted my January NED. It was right after the chemo ended...But, you are right -- we should be celebrating every NED occasion!
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #9
    debralla said:

    Tara.
    Good Luck on your upcoming Scan . will be praying that all goes well, and that the wait won't be to hard .
    P.S look in the cupboard above the stove behind all of the cold medicine .
    Take Care and God Bless
    Debra

    Thanks. Your comment about the cupboard behind the stove cracked me up -- I laughed hard and long. I needed that!
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #10
    vinny3 said:

    Tara,

    See if they can't expedite getting the report to you. With the holiday the next day there might be some delay but often those are read within one business day. The wait is the worse.
    I sympathize with the roller coaster effect you are going through. I was diagnosed 4/05, apparently Stage I and had chemoradiation and then local surgery. Told it looked like a cure, then had a recurrance 8 months later-still same local area (into the muscle), had APR and again told it looked like a cure and nothing further to be done. Now told I better have chemo and that starts tomorrow.
    Can we ever relax? Our thoughts and prayers are with you for a NEGATIVE SCAN!

    ****

    Thanks for the suggestion on expediting the report -- I'll work on that. I had an APR after my first surgery -- same club! Hey -- best of luck with your chemo starting tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. What regime? I did FOLFOX this last time -- I hope all goes well with you.
  • scouty
    scouty Member Posts: 1,965 Member
    #11
    Hi Tara,

    I've been wondering about you!!!!!!!!! I will have you in my thoughts.....rub that bracelet and feel our strength.

    Lisa P.
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #12
    Tara -

    I have a scan this Friday - we should find that anti-anxiety medicine together! if you weren't so far away, I would invite you and yours over for an glass of anti-anxiety medicine!

    You have a great outlook and I really admire your spirit. Hang tough and let me know if the meds is in the cupboard behind the stove!

    - Bob
  • hicarm
    hicarm Member Posts: 57
    #13
    Hi Tara,
    I have been thinking of you, especially when we were in HK in March. Wanted to ask you more about you doctors in HK.
    All my best wishes, good vibes for the upcoming scan. We are hoping for the best for you and your family.

    Carm
  • RunnerZ
    RunnerZ Member Posts: 185
    #14
    Tara, I so very much know how you feel. I had about 3 months of anxiety before my colonoscopy in March of '06. It wrecked Christmas and the New Year, because I just did not think I would get good news-and that is after 7 years with no evidence of disease. I even postponed my scope once-by making work a priority. I don't have any great advice other than to say....get through each day with a little bit of joy...and perservere. You have been a great fighter, and I truly believe that everything will come out well on the tests. I'm pulling for you!
  • JADot
    JADot Member Posts: 709 Member
    #15
    Hi Tara:

    This has got to be hard. I've got one in 5 weeks myself so I am just getting my axxiety warmed up too :) Just take it one day at a time, and hope for the best. Remember you were NED for a long time, which means you can be again!

    Best of luck,
    Ying
  • AuthorUnknown
    AuthorUnknown Member Posts: 1,537 Member
    #16
    Tara,

    Best wishes for your scan!

    Eleonora
  • Betsydoglover
    Betsydoglover Member Posts: 1,248 Member
    #17
    Tara - I wish you all the best. I get nervous about every scan, and I too am entering the neurotic stage regarding this Thusday's PET and CT. So, if it's alright, you, me and Sponge can share that medication if you find it!

    I'll be thinking of you,
    Betsy
  • vinny3
    vinny3 Member Posts: 928 Member
    #18
    taraHK said:

    Thanks for the suggestion on expediting the report -- I'll work on that. I had an APR after my first surgery -- same club! Hey -- best of luck with your chemo starting tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. What regime? I did FOLFOX this last time -- I hope all goes well with you.

    Thanks Tara,
    I will be doing Folfox and Avastin. Very nervous but so many others here have gone through it I won't whine. I hope to be able to function somewhat normally although the cold intolerance could be a little more bothersome in Minnesota but I have lots of gloves and other protective clothing.

    ****
  • chynabear
    chynabear Member Posts: 481 Member
    #19
    Betsydoglover said:

    Tara - I wish you all the best. I get nervous about every scan, and I too am entering the neurotic stage regarding this Thusday's PET and CT. So, if it's alright, you, me and Sponge can share that medication if you find it!

    I'll be thinking of you,
    Betsy

    Tara-

    Logically, you would think that we all breath easier with each NED scan that passes but in reality we all seem to freak a little bit more before as each scan passes. Maybe it's the sub-thought that we have cheated death and someone's going to figure it out and take it all back. Who know's.

    I can imagine that you are having a bit of Dejavu about this time and I'm certain it would give you a higher level of anxiety remembering what happened at this time last year.

    I'm thinking of you all going through scans at this time. Thankfully, my Onc thought it time to spread mine out a bit further and won't have one for eight months or so.

    Here's for good results!

    Patricia
  • MarkWalz
    MarkWalz Member Posts: 58
    #20
    Tara,
    I am with you on the planning. I have to l plan. Almost evey time I planned something last year, I had to change. This year, I am planning and going. I was dz 3/05 stage 4, 35 treatments of radiation, 7 months chemo, 3 surgries. Now NED, but always worry with those scans. I still plan. I am planning on doing eveything I can. If I have to change I change. I know you are doing the same. It gets old, but hey, at least we can still plan. So plan, plan and plan...I plan on hearing good news from you, Sponge Bob, Betsy, Deb and others real soon.
    Mark
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #21
    Tara,

    I still get nervous for every scan. I am sending positive vibes and will pray to the NED God for you.

    Good luck, I hope you get the results fast.

    Moe

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