at a cross road

Hiya Nettie. Hey..it is about time 'ol kanga got to reply first instead of being last on the thread.
I have been reading your posts for so long now sweetie, and a few times in the chat room. The whole time(almost 2 years I think) you have continued to fight this rotten disease and you always bounce back my gal. I have seen some of your highs and lows. Right now you are feeling depressed but you are about to climb back up, aren't you? Sure you are Nettie....why? 'Cos you have those darlin kids that want their loving mum to keep fighting..to keep bouncing back again! You have probably read about my early morning whinge the other day. Here's me doing the selfish thing worrying about my own tests and I am already ned. Just think of the alternative Nettie. If you pack it in and start thinking after 8 years it is too much your health will get worse. What I want to hear from you babe is the positive stuff. Your kids smiling faces, feeling their love and huggs and kisses. I really don't know how tough it is for you Nettie, but I'll bet your kids at ages 6-8 know without a doubt that you do the best you can do. Let your kids impart some of their youthfull "strength" on you. See all that they they have to offer you. That in itself must be a comfort Nettie. I know my thoughts won't get close to your reality at the moment. I have not had to deal with this for very long. But I do know that when I was first dx'd and did not know how far the cancer was spread I fell part. I think it was my fear of possibly losing the battle, leaving Jen and my kids alone, that helped me thru the initial surgery and chemo. I WANTED, NEEDED, to be here for them. Think about it Nettie..no matter how hard things get. You have shown me in the last 2 years that you have so much courage, strength, DESIRE to beat this!
And guess what....we will be here helping you to do just that!
love huggs, Ross n Jen

btw.....I still remember your name.....D....!

Nettie, You hang in there, sweetie! There are a LOT of people rooting for you. The fact that your CEA is going up may or may not mean a thing. It can be elevated by other things besides cancer, such as liver problems (which can result from chemo) and probably some other things that aren't occurring to me right now.

I was only just dx'd in January, so you've been in the struggle a LOT longer than I have been, but I KNOW that fighting this disease has a LOT to do with a positive attitude. Keep looking up! God is GOOD, all the time, even when things around us look bleak.

Morning Nettie.

How ya doing, darling? I'm sorry you are struggling. This is such a damn heartbreaking disease.

You have been fighting so long and hard, I understand you feeling a bit depressed. Who wouldn't? That's natural. That's normal.

But, are lives continue in cycles. Ups and downs. Right now is a kinda down. But, the upward swing is right around the corner. I think in the grand scheme of things, we need the lows, to see the light and the future and plan our attack to get back on the roaad to the highs again.

Take some time and reflect. Search deep down in your soul and find what is important to you. Your family, your health, your well being. There is your strength.

You have it. You've had it all along. You just need to find it again.

There is a quote I saw the other day :

A cancer is not only a physical disease, it is a state of mind.

We have drugs and medicine to fight the physical cancer, but we have to use our minds, hearts and soul to fight the mental aspects of this disease.

Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. Hang in there, because things will get better.

All my love,

Barb

Hi Nettie honey,

I know that the last few chemo treatments I had I would get very depressed and I only did it for 8 months!!!! You know you hate the treatment and how it makes you feel the first few days and then the fear of it "not working" hits you too. Trust me, I know exactly how you are feeling about that. Of course your girls then come into your thoughts. They are never out of them. Get this treatment out of the way and I bet you feel better. Talk to your onc about the CEA, chemo can raise it due to liver counts as others have said.

Hugs to you honey. We love you!!!!!!

Lisa P.

Nettie,
I think that your feeling down and tired is really normal. You've been fighting for a long time. You've also shown how strong you are and how much fight you have in you. When you feel down, try to think of something that makes you happy, that makes you feel good, like your children and keep fighting! Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I know it has really helped me. I'll be praying for you.
Jamie

Hi Nettie,

I hope that today finds you feeling better. I think that your CEA level could very well be up due to the chemo. You have always given such kind responses to other on this site. I hope you know that we are all here for you and will help hold you up when you are down. You are a fighter and I will continue to keep you in my heart and prayers.

Love,

Kay

Hey Nettie:
Try not to dwell on the CEA results- as others have posted there are alot of reasons why the tests can have a false result...so = try to think positive...mind over matter can honestly move mountains...
Bev