at a cross road

nettie4 Member Posts: 145
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
hello all. so glad to hear so much good news on here. well i have another treatment today and of course am not looking forward to it. its so strange in my blood work of course my white cells took a dive but my red cells went up. i have always been a strange case, but i also found out my cea is 9.8 and i have never been that high even when i had more disease than i do now. i am really going through a thought process right now about all this and ask the Lord for some wisdom and guidance. would you just pray for me at this point. i have 2 kids 6 and 8 as some of you know and i need to be wise in whatever i decide to do. i guess maybe since i have been batteling going on 8 yrs i am a little tired and dare i say a little depressed. i know i will get some good things to think about from all of you on here. looking forward to reading your responses.



  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    Hiya Nettie. is about time 'ol kanga got to reply first instead of being last on the thread.
    I have been reading your posts for so long now sweetie, and a few times in the chat room. The whole time(almost 2 years I think) you have continued to fight this rotten disease and you always bounce back my gal. I have seen some of your highs and lows. Right now you are feeling depressed but you are about to climb back up, aren't you? Sure you are Nettie....why? 'Cos you have those darlin kids that want their loving mum to keep keep bouncing back again! You have probably read about my early morning whinge the other day. Here's me doing the selfish thing worrying about my own tests and I am already ned. Just think of the alternative Nettie. If you pack it in and start thinking after 8 years it is too much your health will get worse. What I want to hear from you babe is the positive stuff. Your kids smiling faces, feeling their love and huggs and kisses. I really don't know how tough it is for you Nettie, but I'll bet your kids at ages 6-8 know without a doubt that you do the best you can do. Let your kids impart some of their youthfull "strength" on you. See all that they they have to offer you. That in itself must be a comfort Nettie. I know my thoughts won't get close to your reality at the moment. I have not had to deal with this for very long. But I do know that when I was first dx'd and did not know how far the cancer was spread I fell part. I think it was my fear of possibly losing the battle, leaving Jen and my kids alone, that helped me thru the initial surgery and chemo. I WANTED, NEEDED, to be here for them. Think about it matter how hard things get. You have shown me in the last 2 years that you have so much courage, strength, DESIRE to beat this!
    And guess what....we will be here helping you to do just that!
    love huggs, Ross n Jen

    btw.....I still remember your name.....D....!
  • alihamilton
    alihamilton Member Posts: 347 Member
    Hi Nettie, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment and it is not surprising, after all you have been through. I would not worry too much about the CEA level as, from what I understand, it is not at all reliable when you are in treatment.

    I hope you feel better soon and your spirits lift. It is a long battle but your courage and faith will help you through, as it has up to this point of time.

    All the best,

  • HisJoy
    HisJoy Member Posts: 113
    Nettie, You hang in there, sweetie! There are a LOT of people rooting for you. The fact that your CEA is going up may or may not mean a thing. It can be elevated by other things besides cancer, such as liver problems (which can result from chemo) and probably some other things that aren't occurring to me right now.

    I was only just dx'd in January, so you've been in the struggle a LOT longer than I have been, but I KNOW that fighting this disease has a LOT to do with a positive attitude. Keep looking up! God is GOOD, all the time, even when things around us look bleak.
  • goldfinch
    goldfinch Member Posts: 735
    CEA can go up from chemo too. Talk to your oncologist. You need some information from him before you can make any decisions. Hang in there. You are going through a bump in the road. Here's hoping for some smooth roads soon.
  • tkd3g
    tkd3g Member Posts: 767
    Morning Nettie.

    How ya doing, darling? I'm sorry you are struggling. This is such a damn heartbreaking disease.

    You have been fighting so long and hard, I understand you feeling a bit depressed. Who wouldn't? That's natural. That's normal.

    But, are lives continue in cycles. Ups and downs. Right now is a kinda down. But, the upward swing is right around the corner. I think in the grand scheme of things, we need the lows, to see the light and the future and plan our attack to get back on the roaad to the highs again.

    Take some time and reflect. Search deep down in your soul and find what is important to you. Your family, your health, your well being. There is your strength.

    You have it. You've had it all along. You just need to find it again.

    There is a quote I saw the other day :

    A cancer is not only a physical disease, it is a state of mind.

    We have drugs and medicine to fight the physical cancer, but we have to use our minds, hearts and soul to fight the mental aspects of this disease.

    Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. Hang in there, because things will get better.

    All my love,

  • jsabol
    jsabol Member Posts: 1,145 Member
    Your strength and thoughtfulness are such an inspiration; and to know that you have been in battle mode for 8 years while raising 2 little ones is even more amazing. Somehow you have found strength and direction; I will continue to send prayers and positive thoughts your way. Please have a candid discussion with yur oncologist so that s/he can offer you more support and info. I hope you can catch your breath and continue soldiering on; we are all standing with you; keep us posted. Judy
  • scouty
    scouty Member Posts: 1,965 Member
    Hi Nettie honey,

    I know that the last few chemo treatments I had I would get very depressed and I only did it for 8 months!!!! You know you hate the treatment and how it makes you feel the first few days and then the fear of it "not working" hits you too. Trust me, I know exactly how you are feeling about that. Of course your girls then come into your thoughts. They are never out of them. Get this treatment out of the way and I bet you feel better. Talk to your onc about the CEA, chemo can raise it due to liver counts as others have said.

    Hugs to you honey. We love you!!!!!!

    Lisa P.
  • CAMaura
    CAMaura Member Posts: 719 Member
    I am so sorry to hear how hard things are right now for you. This disease does include such struggles. Please hang in there. I hope this treatment is going well and that you can soon be enjoying your two children. All the best and only good thoughts and prayers coming your way. Many hugs - Maura
  • crazylady
    crazylady Member Posts: 543 Member
    I think that your feeling down and tired is really normal. You've been fighting for a long time. You've also shown how strong you are and how much fight you have in you. When you feel down, try to think of something that makes you happy, that makes you feel good, like your children and keep fighting! Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I know it has really helped me. I'll be praying for you.
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064 Member

    Hi honey,

    Ok, I am begging you to read these two books. please please please please!!

    Spontaneous Healing by Dr. Andrew Weil

    A Cancer Battle Plan by Anne Frahm

    Please please please please please please!

    You may dare to say anything here. I would venture to guess that all of us here, at one time or another, has felt depressed during this cancer ordeal. I surely did. So I can imagine how it must be for you after 8 years of this stuff. Most of us are relatively new in comparison. I just hope that at my year 8, I have your courage and stamina!!

    I was blessed with no CEA so it's one less thing to worry about. My tumor did not give off markers. I am sorry yours is troubling you. That would drive me nuts I am sure.

    So, yes, we have had some great news around here. It took hard work and determination on scouty's part to get where she is. The very cool thing is though, that what she has is open to anyone willing to take the chance. It's called control and empowerment. She took control with her diet, started juicing, seeing a Naturopathic doc who steered her in the right direction and she took off! While I think scouty is one special gal, anyone can do this!! YOU CAN TOO!! You can try. You really really can! Will you get the same results? I don't know. But it's worth the try yes??? I think so. I think you're worth it. Your kids DEFINITELY think you're worth it!!

    So please read those books. AND GET FIRED UP!!!

    another hug for sweet nettie (((((((((((((nettie & her family))))))))))))

    peace, emily
  • Kanort
    Kanort Member Posts: 1,272 Member
    Hi Nettie,

    I hope that today finds you feeling better. I think that your CEA level could very well be up due to the chemo. You have always given such kind responses to other on this site. I hope you know that we are all here for you and will help hold you up when you are down. You are a fighter and I will continue to keep you in my heart and prayers.


  • jana11
    jana11 Member Posts: 705
    My sweet Nettie, I am so sorry for all you have been through! You are such a tough woman. I agree with everything that has been posted.

    Simply look to your beautiful kids for the inspiration to do battle. The CEA is nothing... it can go up and down without reason. Take each day, one at a time. When you get down, let your mind take you to a happier memory and surround yourself with it.

    Let this low emphasize the good rise that will come. Know we are always here for you. You don't need to ask for special prayers... you have them already.

    Try to relax a little... stay well and strong. jana
  • oneagleswings
    oneagleswings Member Posts: 425 Member
    Hey Nettie:
    Try not to dwell on the CEA results- as others have posted there are alot of reasons why the tests can have a false = try to think positive...mind over matter can honestly move mountains...
  • taunya
    taunya Member Posts: 390 Member
    Hi Nettie,
    I have been thinking about you! I am sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. This is a very difficult disease to cope with. I am praying for your health and your peace of mind.
    Hang in there kiddo, thngs look so dark when you are in the midst of treatment and you don't know if it will be as effective as you hope. Keep the faith and stay strong. I am sending good vibes to you and your family.
    Love and Hugs,