Sorrow and Financial Ruin

seeknpeace · May 2004

I had a bilateral mastec. with tram flap reconstruct on 2-4 and I had to close my business. I am a stock broker for 15 years and I cannot do that work any longer. I need stability in my life, a salary, not commssion. I am so ashamed to see the financial ruin and feel so helpless. I have had to draw from all our financial resources and credit lines and what makes me the most upset is that my career choice has to change, but, I do not know how. Do I file bankruptcy, and go to school to relearn something? I am suffering with extreme aniexty and depression. I have been treated for depression for years, so I am medicated. Are there any places to turn for help, to relearn how to make money? I am 52 and I am worth much more dead than alive. I fear recurrance, and NO one in my family knows how I am being affected. I see a psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time. What do I do? What have you guys done? How have you dealt with this? My car is worth what I owe on it, my home is mortgaged to the hilt, and now all our credit is almost used up. I do not know where to turn.

mssue · May 2004

Good Morning!
You have obviously been in alot of turmoil over all of the variances of your situtation.We all have different things to deal with,I'm sorry you had to close your business,sounds like you're
a very savvy woman-with everything you have going for you I'm sure there is something out there with your name on it.First and for most you have your health!!!RIGHT? One day at a time please don't pile your load any higher than need be.One day at a time and one thing at a time finish it and go to the next.You may also want to check business opportunities for WOMEN we are a minority group you know and if you want to go back to school -that's possible too-you just have to keep an open mind and be receptive to new ideas.You've accomplished so much it sounds like-You are a fighter -don't despair now you're work is not done.We all have a purpose in life even when we are not sure what that might be .There is still time to look for it ,sometimes it's right in front of us and we can't see for looking!But the fact is you're still here and you're stronger than you realize.There is no shame in seeking the things we need-the short distance between your knees and the floor may hold your answers.I will stop babbling now ,I just wanted you to know there is hope with lots of love from everywhere.You take good care of yourself first and everything else will fall in place.GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
w/Love
Sue

juliebell · May 2004

Dear Seeknpeace, My heart aches to hear of your losses. Know that the shame you are feeling truly belongs to a healthcare system that leaves people so vulnerable. It certainly doesn't belong to you, who have had the strength to face cancer and the intelligence to have run your financial business for 15 years! You are at a major turning point in your life right now, which is very scary. Your depression and anxiety are certainly understandable--I too suffer from both, and readily doubled my Zoloft when I learned of the new occurence of my cancer. You are feeling helpless, but are taking such constructive steps to move forward by seeing a psychiatrist and seeking the experiences of others through this network. It is very important to realize that when we're depressed our perception of events/issues gets very distorted, so using others as a sounding board right now is a great way to help in staying grounded. Please give yourself the credit you are due for acting with such strength and courage!

With respect to your several questions, I have been very fortunate in having good health insurance, so I haven't experienced your financial challenges through my cancer episodes. But I am a retired career counselor, and perhaps can offer a few ideas that may be worthy of some thought. First of all, most cities have Consumer Credit Counseling agencies supported through the United Way that bill for their services on a sliding scale. These agencies are not only cheaper than private agencies, but can be trusted since they aren't in the business of making a profit, but rather to help people avoid financial disaster. If there is such an agency in your town, perhaps they could give you some ideas about moving forward on the financial front.

A career change at age 52 can be a most life-affirming and invigorating thing to do. I've dealt with many employees who have been laid off and gone on to more satisfying careers than those they've left behind. Often Community Colleges offer career counseling services to the public, or to prospective students. They have assessment tools to help people systematically identify their skills, what is important to them, what they enjoy and don't enjoy, and to match personal traits with various career fields. There are also counselors in private practice who do this, but they will of course be more costly. However, if you chose to use a private career counselor, be sure you work with someone who holds a state license in the field, 'cause there are a lot of people who purport to do this who aren't qualified to do so. Whether or not you decide to return to school for credentialing in a new field will of course depend on what you chose to do. I returned to Community College at 58 and am studying professional weaving (couldn't be further from career counseling!). I feel like I've been born again, challenging my brain with new things and being around the energy and idealism of the young people. You may find that going back to school would be good for your soul, as well as your career.

One other resource that may be a possibility for you would be State Vocational Rehabilitation. This agency's purpose is to help people who can no longer maintain their career due to illness/injury, retool for another more appropriate one. They can offer a wide range of services to make this possible, and help with the financial aspects of making a career transition. I was a client of this agency when I was young, and later worked for them as a vocational rehab counselor. They may be worth a phone call. Off the top of my head, these are the possibilities that come to mind. Do you live in a city or community that has services such as these?

Please let me know if I can do anything to help you. I will be thinking of you as you take your next steps. You've been through an awful lot, but please let yourself believe that there will again be joy and peace in your life. Love, Karen

hummingbyrd · May 2004

Best advice I can give is turn to the Lord. He will provide for you like you would not believe! Not even in your wildest dreams!
I have a website www.urcctc.com I think it might help you find hope.
When I was diagnosed I was working 2 jobs as a Physician Assistant, needless to say I was supporting the family. I can no longer work as a PA. Three months after diagnosis I went through a divorce, after 17 years of marriage, had to put my house up for sale, lost my job as well as my career, plus my 2 boys and I had to move in with my mom. Talk about some dark days! That was Sept of 2000.
But by the grace of God I survived.
I no longer heal bodies, but for everyday God gives me I try to touch a soul.
I ended up not having to sell my house, but what was the real blessing is I realized it was just a house. I have since sold it and now live on a farm with a garden and horses and chickens and dogs and cats...LOL I'm still single, my boys are growing up into two fine young men, my car is paid for and at one time was not worth what was owed against it, plus I have a farm truck that was just given to me believe it or not! I tell you the truth all of this was by the grace of God and my faith that He would provide! So do not despair, face your trials with great anticipation that God will not only bring you through this, but will bless you if you let him.
I share this with you not at all boastfully because I could lose it all tomorrow. The beauty of it is if I do lose it, as long as I have the Lord, I will be provided for, and the peace of knowing that is priceless!
May God bless you dear.
(((HUGS))) hummingbyrd

hummingbyrd · May 2004

hummingbyrd said:
Best advice I can give is turn to the Lord. He will provide for you like you would not believe! Not even in your wildest dreams!
I have a website www.urcctc.com I think it might help you find hope.
When I was diagnosed I was working 2 jobs as a Physician Assistant, needless to say I was supporting the family. I can no longer work as a PA. Three months after diagnosis I went through a divorce, after 17 years of marriage, had to put my house up for sale, lost my job as well as my career, plus my 2 boys and I had to move in with my mom. Talk about some dark days! That was Sept of 2000.
But by the grace of God I survived.
I no longer heal bodies, but for everyday God gives me I try to touch a soul.
I ended up not having to sell my house, but what was the real blessing is I realized it was just a house. I have since sold it and now live on a farm with a garden and horses and chickens and dogs and cats...LOL I'm still single, my boys are growing up into two fine young men, my car is paid for and at one time was not worth what was owed against it, plus I have a farm truck that was just given to me believe it or not! I tell you the truth all of this was by the grace of God and my faith that He would provide! So do not despair, face your trials with great anticipation that God will not only bring you through this, but will bless you if you let him.
I share this with you not at all boastfully because I could lose it all tomorrow. The beauty of it is if I do lose it, as long as I have the Lord, I will be provided for, and the peace of knowing that is priceless!
May God bless you dear.
(((HUGS))) hummingbyrd

By the way seeknpeace if you want to know specifics on how my situation changed so drastically for the better just email me here on the CSN site.
God bless.
hummingbyrd

lynne40 · May 2004

seeknpeace, I don't know that I can offer much positive advice but I want you to know you aren't alone. Sometimes knowing that is what saved my sanity. My family was going through a bad time financially and emotionally when I was diagnosed. I truly beleive that all of the stress and anxiety contributed to me getting cancer. It has been a tough road. I have crappy insurance with Blue Cross that we pay for ourselves at over 1,000. a month and I still have poor coverage. So now on top of everything else we have big medical bills. I too have prayed continually and yet there were times my faith was so tested that unconsciously I quit asking God or talking to him as much as I should have yet He's been there for us. Whenever I've been so overwhelmed I thought I'd go crazy something positive has happened. Are there any former clients or business contacts that could offer you a new direction? Maybe someone who owns a business that sounded interesting to you but you never had the tim e to look at it before? Maybe someone at your church who knows someone who knows someone who could offer you a position? With your financial background maybe there is a position for you in a related field? I am sorry that you are so overwhelmed. I know the feeling. Your friends are sympathetic but can't really know how you feel. For me at my age it is embarassing to have money problems. You expect it when you are young but not once you have already established yourself. The feeling that people don't understand is isolating also. I am praying for you that something good comes your way and that you are able to cope in the meantime. Hang in there, Hugs,
Lynne

jhope · May 2004

I am so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I am a therapist and earn much more than my husband. It was financially and still is a challenge to keep up with all the bills. You will make it, I really believe as others, with the Grace of God. I have closed my eyes and visualized Christ carrying me just like the footprint poem. You are stronger than you will ever know and you CAN NOT put a monitary value on your life. It is a precious gift! There is no debter prison anymore. If you go bankrupt, you get to keep a home and a vehicle for each working person in your family. Thats the worse that could happen.

I am glad you are going for therapy, I am a non-traditional student so you can learn something. We are here to help, listen, and offer you any support we can. I really feel you can just say "God please help me" he is waiting for you. Good journey and bless you, Julia

seeknpeace · May 2004

Thank you ALL for your wonderful recommendations and understanding. It is horrible to have to deal with financial ruin when we should be coasting into retirement. My spouse works for an airline, so we have decent insurance coverage, so that is not really at issue. The thing is that all the airlines have cut salaries until they are bankrupting the employees while constantly threatening to close their doors. His salary today is what he was earning in 1987. That is a lot of the difficulty. Added to that is the fact that my career path can be a very lucrative one, but, the past three years have not been good for anyone in my industry. It still has not stabilized. I had used credit lines to pull us through and paid them off over and over in this dreadful market period, but, now I cannot pay them off and it is an inevitable event that we will hit the wall soon.

I did see the psychiatrist and she was horrible. She is Indian and has not been in America long. Her suggestion was that we move into a one room apartment. I could not believe that she thought that would make our life better...to sell our home of 26 years, that is only worth $110,000.00, with two mortgages on it, no equity, not a mansion, and move into a one room apt. And, she told me that I only needed one pair of pants and a decent shirt to go to interviews...I was like huh? In what country? America? no. She was so off base and unhelpful, I will NOT go back to her.

I know about consumer credit counselling and they also have arrangements with many creditors to lower interest rates, lower payment amts., etc, to help the consumer get back on track, but, the reality is that they still report you delinquent in your payments if full payments are not made and your credit gets screwed anyways. They don't harrass you, but, they do give you bad marks.

And, added to all that now, my hair is falling out in clumps. I did not have to have chemo or radiation. I had a bilateral that had no lymph involvement and so that with the tram flap reconstruct is what I had to have done. My hair is literally falling out by the hands full. I think that I will see if anyone else has had that in another thread.

But, thank you so much for your support and understanding. I found out that I had cancer on January 16 and have earned around 1000.00 this year. I want to go back to school. I am going to check into some of the suggestions about financial assistance with retraining. Thank you so much, my sisters. Jan

mags21 · May 2004

I just filed bankruptcy for the very same reason. What do people do after? I've been on anti depressants since the day of my first surgery. What I need is a new life, a new start, a reason to get up in the morning. Sorry I don't have an answer for you, and don't know if it helps to know you are not alone in this.
I always thought I was alone in feeling that surviving is not all that.

michelle1125 · May 2004

Sorry you are having such a tough financial time. I, too, am having financial difficulties. My children and I may have to move into a shelter next month. My landlord, woman, won't even give me the time to go thru social agencies for assistance. I cry every day. Cancer ruins lives, but try to look to the future. This is temporary and you will be OK. We sometimes have to go thru the hard to get to the good. God bless you.

inkblot · May 2004

mags21 said:
I just filed bankruptcy for the very same reason. What do people do after? I've been on anti depressants since the day of my first surgery. What I need is a new life, a new start, a reason to get up in the morning. Sorry I don't have an answer for you, and don't know if it helps to know you are not alone in this.
I always thought I was alone in feeling that surviving is not all that.

Mags21:

I know what you mean. However, surviving is "all that". Otherwise, none of the other mundane things mattter. When your life is literally on the line, yep, surviving is all. After that, it's as some of the other ladies have suggested:
One day at a time, one issue at a time as we slowly rebuild our character, self esteem and lives. Change can be wonderful. Mostly it's the "fear of change" which needlessly paralyzes us.

Life after cancer can be so much better, if we want it to be, but it requires work, patience, perseverance, lots of love (of life, self and other's) and the willingness to turn over a few strange stones, just to see what's under them. By doing so, we can often find some wonderful surprises, new directions, new ideas and greater fulfillment.

There is no shame in tragedy. And that's what cancer is. An emotional and often financial firestorm. No apologigies or explanations to other's are necessary. Let them think or deduce what they will. Who cares? This is your life and your affairs...live it and manage it as YOU see fit.

That's my 2 cents worth...for what it's worth! LOL

Seekenpeace, hope you find some soon!!! I know you CAN do this and there is no doubt in my mind at all that you will!

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

seeknpeace · May 2004

michelle1125 said:
Sorry you are having such a tough financial time. I, too, am having financial difficulties. My children and I may have to move into a shelter next month. My landlord, woman, won't even give me the time to go thru social agencies for assistance. I cry every day. Cancer ruins lives, but try to look to the future. This is temporary and you will be OK. We sometimes have to go thru the hard to get to the good. God bless you.

Oh, how awful that we are many of us going through this financial firestorm, as it was very aptly put.

I did apply for Soc Sec Disability. It was a hard decision, but, I am not in any shape to make changes and I am not sure that I will be ever again. And, I don't want to put more stress there now. I am dealing with anemia from the surgery, and blood loss, and my hair is falling out. I feel tired and listless and my constant companion, depression, is just kicking my ****. I am sorry to say that, but, it is true. I am a diagnosed bipolar 2 who is ready to rest a little, or rock a little, but, I just need respite.

Thanks again, and I know that we will all make it. Just to be a year down the road but, not lose a year...that would be the best.

KPace · January 2005

hummingbyrd said:
Best advice I can give is turn to the Lord. He will provide for you like you would not believe! Not even in your wildest dreams!
I have a website www.urcctc.com I think it might help you find hope.
When I was diagnosed I was working 2 jobs as a Physician Assistant, needless to say I was supporting the family. I can no longer work as a PA. Three months after diagnosis I went through a divorce, after 17 years of marriage, had to put my house up for sale, lost my job as well as my career, plus my 2 boys and I had to move in with my mom. Talk about some dark days! That was Sept of 2000.
But by the grace of God I survived.
I no longer heal bodies, but for everyday God gives me I try to touch a soul.
I ended up not having to sell my house, but what was the real blessing is I realized it was just a house. I have since sold it and now live on a farm with a garden and horses and chickens and dogs and cats...LOL I'm still single, my boys are growing up into two fine young men, my car is paid for and at one time was not worth what was owed against it, plus I have a farm truck that was just given to me believe it or not! I tell you the truth all of this was by the grace of God and my faith that He would provide! So do not despair, face your trials with great anticipation that God will not only bring you through this, but will bless you if you let him.
I share this with you not at all boastfully because I could lose it all tomorrow. The beauty of it is if I do lose it, as long as I have the Lord, I will be provided for, and the peace of knowing that is priceless!
May God bless you dear.
(((HUGS))) hummingbyrd

I am happy that everything got brighter for you, but i know you went through some dark days. I belive it builds strength and character. Asfor my friend, he has always been a hard worker, building beautiful homes all his life,and never sick, until he was diagnosed with bone cancer, five years ago. He then acquired Lymphoma, then Lung cancer. He then was Cncerefree for two years, had just got his weight back up from 112lbs. to 150, and then a month ago he tripped over a whole in the yard and developed a large hernia, which is miserable, but he could laugh still as it wasn't life threatening. I have been with him throughout all of this and i will always be there. I was working full time and taking care of him but he needed more care, so I asked his sister if he could stay in their guest house for a while and if she could help. She did until they moved to Idaho, and he was still going through the SSD paperwork, and WAITING! He was forced to rent a room from his ex-wife, in the house he purchased over twenty years ago. He pays her $500.00 a month and has to live in a pig stye. She won't allow him to have visitors, or let anyone do his laundry or anything, and she won't do it either, nor cook. she shops everyday and uses the floors in all the rooms to put the food, the dishes are stacked to the ceiling and there is nothing in sight but dirt. I go there antway when she is working and hurry and cook him some food, or being it with me, and I take him home with me and take care of him until my roommate gets in one of his drunken states and starts calling us losers , then we have to go stay in the car. Three weeks ago while at the hernia doctor's office he had a pretty bad heart attack, was transford to San Pablo Hospital where he immediately had surgery, angioplasty, and a stint was implanted. when he was released he had to pay $600.oo plus dollars for prescriptions, that the doctor expressed the importance of taking this medicine and never missing one dose. He could drop dead on the spot, Thank God he had just received his check, as the Medical program said they could not help until he pays the first $800.00 each month. IMPOSSIBLE. With his rent at $500.00 and his meds and car insurance he was out of money for the rest of the month-three weeks. The following week we went for his two check-up with the Cancer Doctor, and they found the Lymphoma had returned. He then got Pnewmonia for the third time, they can't turn on the heat, only when she is there, so we will begin chemo as soon as he is better. Meanwhilem he runs out of his heart meds. and every place I called for help, did nothing. His income was over the limit and worst of all his ex-wife would not give him receits for the rent he pays which only made matters worse for him in trying to get assistance. I fortuanately had him get a money order to give her for Jan rent because the medical worker requested something. This flipped the exwife out. I think she must be getting some money, and has to hide his rent money or something, but I told her, Sorry, but Glwnn has to show where his money is going from now on.He can't get any help if he doesn't. She then said he has to move if that is the case, so we sold his beautiful guns and we are in a chesp hotel tonight, but only for one night. i took him to the heart doctor and absolutely had to beg them to please give him some samples. he gave him twelve plavix and 10 coreg, but not until he belittled my friend, and reamed him. he even said " you know we spent thousands of dollars saving your life, and all you had to do was make sure you take the meds. religiously, but you couldn't even do that" then he said,"i guess some people jusr don't get it, I really wanted to rip this Doctor a "new, You know what" but i kept my cool as i still needed those pills from him...but I assure you, i am not finished with him. Mt friend is the most gracious person and never has anything negative to say about anyone. It was so un professional. It's not like he took the money and went on some vacation. Pitiful. the down side is he will be out again in a few days and more stress. I have spent hours applying for assistance. WHAT my friend really needs is housing assistance so we can gwt him in a positive environment and some assistance eith the deposits of utilities and his meds. we could make then, I just want him to have a better quality of life for what ever time he has left. If anyone can give us some information as to anyplace that can assist us I would be forever grateful and appreciative. Thanks for taking the time to read my very long letter.my friend so deserves a break!
God Bess Everyone!
Kendra

Sorrow and Financial Ruin

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