Pat treatment depression

I did not have a such a strong reaction as you,but same as you I had been calm and strong from the diagnosis (colon cancer stage 3) through the chemo,radiation and surgery-not one tear came out of my eyes ; the moment I got a result of the last CT scan saying "there is no evidence of disease", I started shaking and crying. I know that this is sort of reverse reaction to the situation.

The most important thing is to stay NED for good!

Hey, sounds like standard PTSD to me. I dealt with it much more the year after my wife passed from the brain tumor, which was also less than a year out from my second liver resection, when they were still checking me extra hard for more mets, looking carefully at my lungs. As that started to ease up, I found I was melancholy and detached from what had been the routines in my life, I wanted no involved relationships, not even responsibility for a pet after my wife's bulldog finally passed, I still don't. I looked after my father, with my brother shortly after Cindy passed, until he did, a year later, then mom got sick and rather limited in her ability to move and care for herself. I did 2 nights a week with her, for a few years, and enjoyed much of the time, my sister and brother helping as well. She passed three weeks ago, deteriorating to a total invalid who knew she wasn't going to improve, and wanted to go. I'm still in many ways changed by the cumulative losses and changes, not in an acute mood swing type of state anymore, but just tired of any anxiety, conflict, or responsibility in my life. My granddaughter whom we raised, walked into traffic, high on acid and whatever in Yuma, a year ago July 3rd, and was so busted up I assumed she was going to be in permanent nursing care the rest of her time. She needed me and I've been dealing with her dogs her stuff, her needs and now her as she has had a remarkable recovery and restart. She is way better, I feel relieved. I find I can deal with the drama as it happens, but when I'm alone, without demands on me, except work with the son and other 'have-tos' in life, I want no responsibilities, to the point where now I'm trying to figure out what I do want, if anything. Coping with all the stress taught me to live in the moment, almost exclusively. I enjoy my moments, I could watch sunsets, movies, and internet content the rest of my time, very much at peace. But something inside tells me I need to need more, though I don't know what it would be yet. All of this feels like an extension of the PTSD I started feeling years ago, a shift in what I wanted and didn't want from life now. I don't feel bad, nor like the walking wounded, I know how to enjoy the moment, and I do, but I'm changed, and unsure if I even have any plans I'll work for, in the time left. I'm strong and certain when I need to be, but rather empty about what I want, if anything requires a real effort. I guess it means, like other humans, I need solid gettable goals, and I have some in mind, just no gas, at 64 to drive me...............................Dave