Pat treatment depression

Robby67

I was strong as nails when told about each cancer (3 at once). Went through treatment and still worked full time. With a lot of time off. Upon hearing I am good I fell apart. Several months ago was told I am cancer free. But now I breakdown and cry and hide often. I look at it as I was strong enough to face the “headwinds “. But having post cancer reactions.

anybody else faced this. I need help.

pbiflyer

Yes, I was diagnosed with stage 3b cancer. Was strong as I went through the process. When I was deemed cancer free, it became more difficult to deal with. Thought I would feel relief, but while that was there, there was also a host of other feelings, fear, guilt, uncertainty.

I think you will find many others with similar feelings.

Congrats on being NED.

suzycruise76

I did not have a such a strong reaction as you,but same as you I had been calm and strong from the diagnosis (colon cancer stage 3) through the chemo,radiation and surgery-not one tear came out of my eyes ; the moment I got a result of the last CT scan saying "there is no evidence of disease", I started shaking and crying. I know that this is sort of reverse reaction to the situation.

The most important thing is to stay NED for good!

feckcancer

yes. did this. Stage 3, spread to the lymph nodes but different type of cancer. Tough and brave as anything, not a tear but as soon as I finished treatment I started crying for weeks but I had been warned about this so I went to counselling for a while. Weirdly I had to fight against feeling depressed for a while too. And then I would feel bad because there was nothing to be depressed about because I was NED. I felt very alone, and my mother died 6 weeks after I finished treatment which didn't help.

I am now 6.5 years NED but going to my check up appointments with my oncologist in the 2 years leading up to my 5 year sign off and if I have to go into a hospital for any reason now my body starts shaking and I get cramps and diarrhoea & the fear is worse the further I get away from having cancer sometimes. I hate not having my 6 monthly checks up any more and all this time later I sometimes feel I am still in shock.

I don't feel like this all the time and it gets less as time goes on (except for the shaking and diarrhoea if I have to go into a hospital especially near the chemo and radiation departments)

I volunteer at our local cancer society weekly but I don't have shaking, cramps fears or tears etc when I work there.

The counselling really helped me with the crying , it was strange, I would cry, friends might turn up unannounced and I would say, 'ignore my crying, this apparently is normal once you finish treatment' stop crying, start smiling then as soon as they went tears would pour down my face again for hours. I cried on and off for years after that but not always about cancer but more about the stresses I went through before (also toughly) that I believe contributed to getting cancer. In hindsight I probably should have had a lot more counselling.

Take care of yourself. you have been through a huge battle. xx

beaumontdave

Hey, sounds like standard PTSD to me. I dealt with it much more the year after my wife passed from the brain tumor, which was also less than a year out from my second liver resection, when they were still checking me extra hard for more mets, looking carefully at my lungs. As that started to ease up, I found I was melancholy and detached from what had been the routines in my life, I wanted no involved relationships, not even responsibility for a pet after my wife's bulldog finally passed, I still don't. I looked after my father, with my brother shortly after Cindy passed, until he did, a year later, then mom got sick and rather limited in her ability to move and care for herself. I did 2 nights a week with her, for a few years, and enjoyed much of the time, my sister and brother helping as well. She passed three weeks ago, deteriorating to a total invalid who knew she wasn't going to improve, and wanted to go. I'm still in many ways changed by the cumulative losses and changes, not in an acute mood swing type of state anymore, but just tired of any anxiety, conflict, or responsibility in my life. My granddaughter whom we raised, walked into traffic, high on acid and whatever in Yuma, a year ago July 3rd, and was so busted up I assumed she was going to be in permanent nursing care the rest of her time. She needed me and I've been dealing with her dogs her stuff, her needs and now her as she has had a remarkable recovery and restart. She is way better, I feel relieved. I find I can deal with the drama as it happens, but when I'm alone, without demands on me, except work with the son and other 'have-tos' in life, I want no responsibilities, to the point where now I'm trying to figure out what I do want, if anything. Coping with all the stress taught me to live in the moment, almost exclusively. I enjoy my moments, I could watch sunsets, movies, and internet content the rest of my time, very much at peace. But something inside tells me I need to need more, though I don't know what it would be yet. All of this feels like an extension of the PTSD I started feeling years ago, a shift in what I wanted and didn't want from life now. I don't feel bad, nor like the walking wounded, I know how to enjoy the moment, and I do, but I'm changed, and unsure if I even have any plans I'll work for, in the time left. I'm strong and certain when I need to be, but rather empty about what I want, if anything requires a real effort. I guess it means, like other humans, I need solid gettable goals, and I have some in mind, just no gas, at 64 to drive me...............................Dave

Robby67

Wow. I am not alone. I am crying. All of you are great. I did enter hospital 2 yrs ago with a hemoglobin count under 5. Nurses would not let me go to bathroom alone. But I did. Call me nails. As in iron. Days after getting 3 transfusion of blood and 1 iron infusions I was told I had colorectal cancer. With in 1 week I was rediagnosed. I also had tongue cancer. 12 months of treatment I needed surgery. They removed the cancer that all chemo and radiation didn’t remove With that I lost my anal sphincter and now have a permanent colostomy. But my tongue is fine. Shortly after a second surgery due to complications from the first 11hr surgery I found 2 more tumors. They were removed by more radiation. In between I needed a feeding tube and infusion port. Many biopsy and a month ago I had my last Hopefully.

but as I read. Others have gone through even more.

Still. It was a lot and I was able to face it then. But not sure if I can do a relapse