I'm still hanging in there...

I meant to update sooner but we had some of his family here for a vacation.

His biopsy results were all clear! Thank goodness. The day after his family left, my brother had to be put in the hospital after he went to sick-call. He had gotten sick just the day before with hard chills, then the day he went to the hospital, he had a fever of 102 and we had found a spot on his leg that looked like a spider bite. Docs say it's not a spider bite but have no clue what it is, just that he was very sick and had an infection somewhere. So he's been in the hospital since Tuesday.

I still haven't found a job and have several applications out. We are still living at my parent's house, still haven't been able to afford to register our new car that we got in december. Tags were good until January and it's sat since then. I have found a few part time jobs but I'd have to drive 45 minutes one way and after gas, it wouldn't really be worth it to work part time so far away and if I was working now nobody would be able to sit with my dad if mom wanted to go anywhere. I had put an ad on craigslist for house cleaning and have gotten a ton of responses...from every guy who wants anything BUT house cleaning services.🤬 People, politics, economy, everything is just wearing on my nerves. I feel like if I had me a little cabin in the woods I'd be a perfect hermit.

I don't go back to Georgia for my 6 month check up until September 27. I have some issues going on that I'm guessing are just normal after getting half my woman parts ripped out. Sex isn't fun. There's practically no sensation down there. I feel like a walking freaking beach ball. My stomach is bloated all the time I guess, I don't know because I've never been bloated, but I can eat and eat enough to feel full and then I literally feel like my stomach is stretching and I just feel so dang enormous and fat. It's an uncomfortable full feeling. If I sit too much, drink too much of anything, toss and turn too much, or do anything even slightly wrong or different it feels like I have something like a UTI; pressure, fullness down in my lower abdomen area, but no other symptoms of UTI.

My blood sugar has been great lately, very uncommon to have readings over 150 these last couple months.

I'm going to keep searching for a job because I am literally climbing the walls. With this economy I have only been able to sell 2 baby rabbits and I had hoped that would provide a little source of income. Now I have 4 rabbits for sale that I really don't want to butcher and eat but don't have space to keep them forever lol. I have reduced their price twice and they are way below what they are normally sold for. I also don't have Facebook and before, that was how I sold 99% of my rabbits. I will never go back to Facebook but feel kind of stuck without it since I don't reach as many customers.

It's just an uphill battle. It's been upper 90s and low 100s. I've been busy just trying to keep the rabbits alive and trying to keep myself cool.

So my brother is still in the hospital. Whatever started with his leg turned out to be necrotizing fasciitis and he had to have surgery to cut out the affected tissue. It went all the way to the bone and he was in a medically induced coma for 4 days. He was in the ICU for a week. His platelet count is steadily dropping again and another spot on his lower back is also necrotic. The nurses just thought it was a bed sore. They had been making arrangements for him to either come home and get home health twice a week or go to the crappy nursing and rehab place here in town. His leg has a wound vac on it now. His hematocrit and hemoglobin are very low. They haven't come back to normal since it all started. They are talking about doing the first skin graft in 2 weeks, which he will have to go back to Little Rock for that and stay in the hospital again.

My mom's sciatic nerve pain (I think it's something else, but she refuses to go get it checked) is back and she can barely walk and she says she can't drive so I drove her down the two times she's been able to go see my brother.

I'm still waiting to hear back from any job I've applied to. One job I really want that's working at the school, helping one student all school year but one reference I used won't send in the reference check the school emailed out so that's going to keep me from getting hired I think. I've lost all my other contacts from my other jobs since I don't have facebook anymore. But if I had a job I couldn't just take mom to Little Rock, or sit with dad when she is able to drive again. It's very hard finding relatives who can sit with dad while we are gone and hubby is usually gone during the week. Dad doesn't qualify for any type of home health and their monthly income barely covers the bills so they can't afford to pay out of their pocket and most of my husband's checks pay for groceries for us.

I want to work so bad because I am tired of living with them and want to fix our house up enough to sell it so we can buy a small farm or fix it and move back home. I also want to work to take some of the burden off my husband and so we can afford to get things we need, like start heartworm treatment on our Great Dane before it's too late. I just feel so stuck. He hasn't worked in 2 weeks because of everything going on with my brother, he stayed here while me and mom went to the hospital, then his truck had to go in the shop, then he got sick Thursday and I took him to the ER for chest pain and numbness. It wasn't his heart, but they didn't know what it was. He had flu symptoms Thursday night and slept all day yesterday with high fever and went back to driving today, still sick.

I just feel stuck. My brother is going to be in and out of hospitals several times for the next few months and I'm going to have to either drive mom or sit with dad so I don't even know if I should bother even trying to work. I feel like beating my head against a brick wall.