I'm still hanging in there...

misstaylor84 Member Posts: 71 Member
edited June 23 in Uterine Cancer #1

So May 8 is roughly 3 months past my surgery date. My body still doesn't feel quite right lol. It's hard to describe though. My stomach still feels kind of mushy and I feel like a busted can of biscuits most days. I am doing more of what I used to do; work my horses, do more chores outside, take care of my rabbits including raking the barn out weekly and tossing old bedding and hay out. I am lifting 50 lbs of feed bags again. Sometimes I do still get pain and soreness, especially if I am bending a lot. My scars look horrible even with the Palmers Cocoa Butter I use, but I don't go around showing my belly lol.

I did have a genetic test done and they looked at 57 genes and all came back negative for various types of cancers so that was a relief. My mom's side has colon and breast cancer quite a bit. The option of pursuing egg harvesting and a surrogate is still there, but I honestly don't know how I feel about going that route.

I made an appointment with a dermatologist for my husband because about a year ago I noticed he had a new, large freckle spot show up on his chest and he would mention that it was sore in that area. For the longest time he didn't want to get it checked and he finally let me make him an appointment. That is for May 31. I'm hoping and praying it isn't cancer because we don't need any more bad news.

I have started doing some exercising again, other than what I do taking care of the rabbits, horses, etc. I'm starting slow with anything that involves my core. I've been dealing with an ear ache and burning in the right side of my throat, same side as my ear ache. I guess if I make a dr appointment, that'll be my third round of antibiotics since my surgery. It seems since surgery, there's always something that's infected or hurting on me.

Physically, I'm feeling more like myself. Emotionally, I still struggle with never being able to get pregnant and missing out on everything that comes with being a mom. I struggle with fears of being totally alone in my old age and having a life that just feels empty. I struggle with not turning bitter because I can't be a mom.


  • woodstock99
    woodstock99 Member Posts: 177 Member

    Hang in there. I think we all go through these rocky emotional periods. I wish I had a way to make it better but time and deep breaths help. I have much anxiety and fear myself about so many things health and otherwise (now add the current stock market fall) so I am probably the last person to give advice but somehow in the depths of my pessimism there is always a ray of hope and belief that this too will pass. Take care.

  • Forherself
    Forherself Member Posts: 696 Member

    Maybe some counseling would help. I could not have children and at the age of 34 adopted a baby girl. Two years later we adopted another baby girl. They are my children. It is a good option for you. I hope you feel better with resumption of your activity.

  • Harmanygroves
    Harmanygroves Member Posts: 471 Member

    I'm glad you realize it's important to examine your emotional response.

    It is not pleasant to become bitter--neither for yourself, your husband, or your family.

    It's not the music, but how we dance to it. You've grown so much, despite this hard time.

    Sending love,


  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,608 Member

    Hope your husband’s appointment went well

  • salonmax
    salonmax Member Posts: 3 *

    Hi beutiful it is normal to be emotional every change in our body cause by any sickness makes us sad, confused sometimes depressed. Talk to you partner and tried to be positive don't let fear get you . I am a cancer survivor for 1 year. My cancer stage was 3 . I am not laying to you sometimes I get sad but I think life is beautiful even with all this downs. I get up and start again think positive. Big hug and positive thoughts to you .

  • misstaylor84
    misstaylor84 Member Posts: 71 Member

    I meant to update sooner but we had some of his family here for a vacation.

    His biopsy results were all clear! Thank goodness. The day after his family left, my brother had to be put in the hospital after he went to sick-call. He had gotten sick just the day before with hard chills, then the day he went to the hospital, he had a fever of 102 and we had found a spot on his leg that looked like a spider bite. Docs say it's not a spider bite but have no clue what it is, just that he was very sick and had an infection somewhere. So he's been in the hospital since Tuesday.

    I still haven't found a job and have several applications out. We are still living at my parent's house, still haven't been able to afford to register our new car that we got in december. Tags were good until January and it's sat since then. I have found a few part time jobs but I'd have to drive 45 minutes one way and after gas, it wouldn't really be worth it to work part time so far away and if I was working now nobody would be able to sit with my dad if mom wanted to go anywhere. I had put an ad on craigslist for house cleaning and have gotten a ton of responses...from every guy who wants anything BUT house cleaning services.🤬 People, politics, economy, everything is just wearing on my nerves. I feel like if I had me a little cabin in the woods I'd be a perfect hermit.

    I don't go back to Georgia for my 6 month check up until September 27. I have some issues going on that I'm guessing are just normal after getting half my woman parts ripped out. Sex isn't fun. There's practically no sensation down there. I feel like a walking freaking beach ball. My stomach is bloated all the time I guess, I don't know because I've never been bloated, but I can eat and eat enough to feel full and then I literally feel like my stomach is stretching and I just feel so dang enormous and fat. It's an uncomfortable full feeling. If I sit too much, drink too much of anything, toss and turn too much, or do anything even slightly wrong or different it feels like I have something like a UTI; pressure, fullness down in my lower abdomen area, but no other symptoms of UTI.

    My blood sugar has been great lately, very uncommon to have readings over 150 these last couple months.

    I'm going to keep searching for a job because I am literally climbing the walls. With this economy I have only been able to sell 2 baby rabbits and I had hoped that would provide a little source of income. Now I have 4 rabbits for sale that I really don't want to butcher and eat but don't have space to keep them forever lol. I have reduced their price twice and they are way below what they are normally sold for. I also don't have Facebook and before, that was how I sold 99% of my rabbits. I will never go back to Facebook but feel kind of stuck without it since I don't reach as many customers.

    It's just an uphill battle. It's been upper 90s and low 100s. I've been busy just trying to keep the rabbits alive and trying to keep myself cool.