Checking In

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile.

Just had an appt this morning with my ENT. I'm still on a permanent trach and FT unless I opt to get a larengectomy. I have to have my trach and Gtube changed every 3 months. So not fun at all, plus being scoped every few months, which I have been refusing until today. Reason being, I gag and choke when they try to put it past my vocal cords. Today, after spraying up my nose, they couldn't see near vocal cords, cause thier was a big pool of mucus. I've always had tons of mucus. Doctor said it's a combination of radiation damage, reflux, and secretions from nose, mouth, and esphogus.

Just feel totally defeated. Mentally and physically exhausted. As with any invasive surgery, thier is NO guarantee that I won't have other issues and if I could eat if had larengectomy. My doctor said I couldn't eat any meats, no pizza, no breads, rolls, etc. Only could have bland foods. So just doesn't sound promising to me.

Tomorrow is my gtube change. So rough few days. And I have somebody new. Don't know how good they are. 

I usually stay up late, but I'm kinda sad. And I'm usually a strong minded woman. But this is really getting to me. I'm in bed now, a real miracle. I appreciate my medical staff helping me, that I brought in an apple pie that I made, with paper plates and plastic silverware. So good to go, just cut and eat. I was always a "giver". Really enjoy making people happy, even though I'm in rough shape. Ohhh.. I wanted a piece so bad. It smelled so good in my kitchen. Well, thanks for reading my post. I wish everybody well, and those that are sick will be in my prayers.

God bless,

Suz