WAR

>now know what my husband felt when he said, "I'm so tired of being sick and tired." I thought I knew at the time but nobody will ever know until they wear the hat. 

I was going to post something like that in my longer post.  No matter how much empathy you have, it is totally different when you get cancer and go through the treatments.  I try to explain the twilight effect I have, and maybe have gotten better, but it is like I am zombie caught between awake and sleep for a few days.  That is almost the hardest part of it because it last's so long.  But I describe it to another cancer patient, and they get it.

 I am at the point where I look at a chemo pouch I have in the house and I start getting queasy.  I keep it out of sight.  The port aint much better when I see it sometimes. And making a decision to do what is right, regardless of the outcome, with regards to treatment is never to be criticized.  So having the port removed and carrying on without that reminder is something I totally get.  Emotionally being stronger is paramount.