Cancer alone, no caregiver

I felt alone alot going through cancer treatments. I had just seperated from my husband of 16 years and had two tween kids at home. I did have support of extended family but i still felt alone alot. My kids supported me but there were many times they needed me to support them. It was hard being a mom with cancer. My exstended family did help quite a bit but not really with the day to day stuff in fact at times they expected me to keep up with chores and have my kids pick up the slack. People couldnt understand that that was too hard for my kids since they were trying to be kids and take care of me and there regular respondsabilites. It was imposible at times. I did the best i could.
Dont feel guilty for where you are at. You are doing your best. Take it a minute at a time if you need to. I remember laying in my bed saying to myself that i feel lonely. I had to just tell myself that its okay to feel lonely.

Just ignore the rude comments and come to this site for suppport if you need to.  This site got me through it.

Ann, it sounds to me that -- especially after reading the part about feeding your cattle, plus being strong enough to do this on your own -- that YOU ought to be able to stand up as your very own caregiver and be honored. I didn't have a caregiver (or cattle, just my little dog who had a week-long sleep-over with friends), but then again I didn't go through quite as complicated the treatments that you did.

So sorry to hear about your kids' attitudes. It's easy enough to feel alone through cancer treatment, but when your family -- especially your immediate family -- isn't supportive, that's a big kick in the butt. It's good you have your friend nudged / invited you to connect with others, even if it felt a tad awkward. Ginger May and others (above) have some good suggestions for connecting. There's also the CSN Email on this website to connect with others, too.

Yup, I've had times when I've felt quite lonely. It's not unreasonable to feel lonely. Sometimes I set a timer to have a pity party. Occasionally, I allow myself the entire day (although an all-day pity party when I'm the only one attending gets really boring, really fast, even if there's ice cream and cake).

Even those days when you feel lonely (and that's what real loneliness is -- genuine feelings), you're not alone.

All the best -- let us know how it goes.

i found this website searching for how to get through this chapter of my life.  To start with I have been married for 38 years to a guy who was always been pretty needy. He has had many surgeries and procedures for mainly heart issues. in 2014 I received the diagnose of thyroid cancer and my husband did do a good job picking up the slack at the time. My cancer ended up being stage III because it had spread to my lymph nodes  

I got better Except for the low Calcium I live with due my surgeons mistake with my parathyroids. My husband has continued to need more medical intervention. I literally tried to out run a cancer diagnose. I usually run 3 times a week. Last July I found a lump above my left collarbone. I’m now back to the wait, medical test, wait some more.  Ultrasound says 2 hypoechoic noduals.  FNA is scheduled for November 6. I want them out and  biopsy now  

This is so hard. I feel like I’m going crazy. I can’t sleep and sweating all night. And my husband is not here at all for me this time. I think he gave all he could the last time. I find I’m on my own and still responsible for my husband. He has scheduled a procedure for 10/26/18 today. We made an ER trip a week ago for stomach problems and I have a job to try to keep. 

I called my daughter to see if she could get the day off to go with me to the biopsy. She will if possible. I wanted to post here because I read some other posters who are making it through alone. I need to deal with the cancer diagnose and possible recurrence, take care of my husband. Keep working everyday. Make his appointments and mine. I need input to learn to reach out and get some support. 

Ann, I read your post, and it has stuck with me. I hope things have gotten better for you. I am in a similar situation as far as having no real support. I am new here, and just learning this site, But I wanted you to know someone cares....even though we never met. I will be praying you find someone to care for you the way you deserve to be cared for. Much love, Kat

Nancyjean said:

New here too

Hi kat2013

I am new here too. I am sorry you have no real support. This is very hard. I have some support from friends and family so I am lucky. 

But the alone feeling prevails. Cancer is so isolating...there isnt anyone to really talk to that understands chemo, cancer, the anxiety that comes and goes. I am desperately searching for support  in my community and may have found a few things. 

Maybe this forum will be helpful to us both...sending you postive energy. Nancyjean

Hi Nancyean.....It is so true about the feelings of isolation. Even when you have many people around, the fact is that only someone who is going through it too REALLY understands. I talk to my ister, and bless her heart she tries, but says things that just make me angry.. .What I mean is, that I have stage 4 kidney disease and my kidneys will fail soon. All of it was caused by radiation and chemo. I have constant sepsis infections and I am not a candidate for transplant. My immune system is non existant so even dyalysis may not help for long, Long story short, I an slowly dying. But she will say things like...."can't they just give you more antibiotics?" She just doesn't get it that I am resistant to almost all antibiotics (even vancomycin now) so I am getting the major antibiotics now, and it is only a matter of time before THOSE are not effective. She just can't wrap her head around it that I may die. That is why places like this are so important. We who are actually living it understand. I know exactly what you meant when you spoke of feeling isolated....even with having support. I have been desperateltly searching for support as well. If you want, we can be friends on here....I haven't added anyone yet, so you can be my first lol! I am in remission since 2014 from stage 4 urethral cancer. But since remission, I have had so many problems from the chemo and radiation (radical cysectomy because radiation ruined my bladder so I now have a urostomy which causes constant serious infections and no immune system to fight them) What type of cancer do/did you have? Please feel free to talk to me if you feel no one understands. I know you don't know me, but I will be happy to listen. I'll keep you in my prayers (and I mean that...not just saying it as some do lol) Take care Kat

My husband is hit/miss with his support of me.  After recovering from my mastectomy and making it through the first 3 rounds of Chemo, I decided that I could probably take myself to most appointments and started to do that.  He would be avaialble if needed due to driving concerns, but for most I went on my own.  For radiation, I stayed alone at Hope House (ACS facility next to my Cx center).  I found being on my own to be remarkably effective.  I didn't have to deal with his issues when I really needed to focus on me and what I needed.  When I got him, things were OK.  He still has his issues and I know I can't count of him totally. but in reality I could NEVER really count on him totally, that isn't because of my CX diagnosis, it is due to his own significant issues.  It is sad to have to be alone for much of this, but the alternative sometimes could be much worse than that.