Hard to watch

I seem to be the only one here. Makes sense - after 2am here in Ottawa. Sitting by my sister's bedside. Gave her meds (PO) at 1am, decided to sit with her until she fell asleep. Fifteen minutes later, vomiting. She's resting now - hurts to talk - doesn't want replacement meds subQ just yet. She's palliative but some days seems so well it's hard to imagine she's dying. Actually docs say she's not "actively dying." We got blindsided two months ago when they told her chemo failed and there were no other treatment options. They gave her a month. Her 61st birthday is next Sunday - I expected to be observing it alone. I'm glad she's still here  - just wish she felt better.

I'm glad to stay with her but it's hard to watch her in pain or going through the tremendous exertion of vomiting. I'm not squeamish - just feeling helpless.