Finally I have good news!

I was starting to wonder if I ever would have good news and I finally got some today. I've been so down in the dumps and feeling so pesssimistic that I haven't been on here much because I don't like being negative and I was struggling with trying to post anything positive.

I had my onc appointment today before chemo tomorrow. I get my CEA checked every 6 weeks. She asked if I wanted to know what it was and I said not if it's bad. It's 7.5. She told me it was over a hundred before chemo. I didn't know that, she hadn't told me and I didn't want to know. So my CEA is down from over a hundred to 7.5!! I feel like I've won the lottery! The chemo is working and I'm only halfway through the treatments! I have a ct scan coming up in a few weeks and I've been so scared of what the result will be and now I'm not afraid, it has to have done something and hopefully the tumours are smaller, maybe even significantly so.

I started to cry I think from the realease of pent up emotions. I was still crying when I went out to the car. My husband drives around while I'm there because our hospital is redoing their parking lot and there's no parking at all. He was so upset to see me crying but I couldn't stop. I was shaking, too. I can't describe the feeling of a burden being removed. I was going to book in to start on antidepressants but now I don't think I'll need them. I was so convinced that I was going to continue my record of bad news every time.

It was overall a good day. While I was waiting I was talking to another patient who was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer over five years ago and was given 6 months to live. She's still working and is going on a holiday this weekend. Afterwards while I was waiting for my husband a woman overheard me telling my daughter the good news by phone and came over and gave me a hug. The woman I'd been chatting to beforehand came out and stopped to chat and we both gave each other hugs and encouragement. And after while I was waiting and still crying another woman asked if I was okay. I told her that I was just silly and was crying over good news and we were chatting and ended up hugging each other as well. She said she'd day a prayer for me, I believe she was Muslim, and that got me crying again, she was so sweet. 

I just had to share this. I am so grateful for the good news and now I'm not so scared of the scan results. I feel like I'm looking at life very differently and I only found this out a few hours ago. I'm having some side effects that are unpleasant but if it's working I can take it. My onc says it's because I'm so sensitive to this chemo. I'm getting all the potential side effects and am getting them worse than most people. The rash, of course, plus nausea, fatigue, sores that don't want to heal, sensitive soft tissues such as my mouth and throat, foods taste weird, and highly sensitive sense of smell. Not fun but certainly something I can live with, particularly if it's working!

Oh, I pray that we'll all have good news now and in the future. 

Jan