Finally I have good news!
I was starting to wonder if I ever would have good news and I finally got some today. I've been so down in the dumps and feeling so pesssimistic that I haven't been on here much because I don't like being negative and I was struggling with trying to post anything positive.
I had my onc appointment today before chemo tomorrow. I get my CEA checked every 6 weeks. She asked if I wanted to know what it was and I said not if it's bad. It's 7.5. She told me it was over a hundred before chemo. I didn't know that, she hadn't told me and I didn't want to know. So my CEA is down from over a hundred to 7.5!! I feel like I've won the lottery! The chemo is working and I'm only halfway through the treatments! I have a ct scan coming up in a few weeks and I've been so scared of what the result will be and now I'm not afraid, it has to have done something and hopefully the tumours are smaller, maybe even significantly so.
I started to cry I think from the realease of pent up emotions. I was still crying when I went out to the car. My husband drives around while I'm there because our hospital is redoing their parking lot and there's no parking at all. He was so upset to see me crying but I couldn't stop. I was shaking, too. I can't describe the feeling of a burden being removed. I was going to book in to start on antidepressants but now I don't think I'll need them. I was so convinced that I was going to continue my record of bad news every time.
It was overall a good day. While I was waiting I was talking to another patient who was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer over five years ago and was given 6 months to live. She's still working and is going on a holiday this weekend. Afterwards while I was waiting for my husband a woman overheard me telling my daughter the good news by phone and came over and gave me a hug. The woman I'd been chatting to beforehand came out and stopped to chat and we both gave each other hugs and encouragement. And after while I was waiting and still crying another woman asked if I was okay. I told her that I was just silly and was crying over good news and we were chatting and ended up hugging each other as well. She said she'd day a prayer for me, I believe she was Muslim, and that got me crying again, she was so sweet.
I just had to share this. I am so grateful for the good news and now I'm not so scared of the scan results. I feel like I'm looking at life very differently and I only found this out a few hours ago. I'm having some side effects that are unpleasant but if it's working I can take it. My onc says it's because I'm so sensitive to this chemo. I'm getting all the potential side effects and am getting them worse than most people. The rash, of course, plus nausea, fatigue, sores that don't want to heal, sensitive soft tissues such as my mouth and throat, foods taste weird, and highly sensitive sense of smell. Not fun but certainly something I can live with, particularly if it's working!
Oh, I pray that we'll all have good news now and in the future.
Jan
Comments
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Soooooooo happy to hear this!
Soooooooo happy to hear this! You can do it Jan.....keep flying!
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Great news, and thanks for
Great news, and thanks for sharing!
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Thank you everyone! Now today
Thank you everyone! Now today I'm being pessimistic and wondering if that actually means the tumours are smaller or am I being tricked. I'm too used to getting bad news, I guess.
Today is twenty years since my mom passed away from cancer. I can't believe it's been so long. I miss her so much. Hers was pancreatic. I miss her every day.
Jan
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So so so happy for you
Jan,
I am so happy for your news!
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Dear Friend,
That's a fantastic development. Hang in there. I appreciate your positive attitude even during the most dire times and your contribution to this forum is the most inspirering. Your are the strongest person I know.
Wish you the best possible outcome.
Laz
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Wonderful!
I am so very happy for, you deserved some good news!
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Thank you both! I was out
Thank you both! I was out with my horse tonight. I love him so much, he's like a pet. Then got some snuggles from the mini donkeys and mini horse that are out there, too. My horse, who is the boss of our other two horses now has a buddy in their paddock. They have a new white pony buddy. The owner has tried him in every other paddock but the other horses chase him around. For some reason our horses love him, even my cranky boy. It's really cute.
I feel like I'm walking on air these days. I'd been planning to get an Rx for anti-depressants but I don't think I need them now. I've been having some very dark thoughts and feelings.
Jan
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Awesome
That is good news. Don't blame you for crying, that's a good thing to cry over. Celebrate the good news.
Hugs! Kim
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