OK... here comes the question no one wants to ask...

I went down this road in 2010. My wife was my caregiver also. I must say I have never had a more intimate moment than my wife holding my hand when I was in those horrible life threatening treatment days. If you and your spouse had a good relationship prior to the cancer it will be even better as some time passes. Human touch is the most magical thing on earth and it will serve you both well. We are closer today more than ever and this experience is paying huge dividends.

The whole HPV fear in reference to sex is totally irrelevant. In a monogamous relationship it dosen't matter. I struggled with did I infect her or did she infect me and what if we reinfect one another. This is a virus that can be transmitted by a simple kiss. So if you are not kissing then you need a therapist. If you are exchanging saliva then it dosen't amount to a hill of beans and the whole argument becomes nonsense. You might as well be having great sex without fear. Let the fears go since we all know life is too short and start reaping the benefit of having survived this disease.

Perhaps you speak with the Rad Onc or Med Onc on your own. The clinic may also have a therapist you can see. I recommend you see them alone first so you can be completely homest about what your feeling. My guess is that it will pass, but it never hurts to use the resources available to you. Yee-Haw!

One of my undergrad majors (I was on the nine year ugrad schedule, grad school was a mere six) was Operations Research; The quest for reality in numbers.  The important events in reality don't work that way, just by the way, but there's good money to be made in programming spreadsheets.

I think that in some ways it may be easier to be the patient than the caregiver.  All I did was lay around, some days didn't feel so hot, but was probably lower energy than I could have been.  This process is disorienting.  Physically, high school football practice was more painful.   My wife still is programmed to serve (tho that is fading).  My daughter decided I'd make it months ago, so has managed to do trips to Mexico and France, and blow her ACL skiing in Aspen.  I just want to figure out how she comes up with so many cheap airfares and find a decent tasting salad dressing.  Life finds a way, you and your hubby will too, enjoy retirement.

Actually, mine would be in Cuba, but her boyfriend is in the Sierras climbing, so July 4 is Yosemite.  Cuba tho seems to be losing its exotic appeal, plus the ACL sort of messed up the mountain bike part of it.   I can't say I envy her travels that much, I am just intrigued by the mechanics.  Right now just going to the rec center to swim seems a challenge.  

This site is my sanity.  People tell me they recover and have a good normal.  Lots of days I need that hope.  Somehow there is always a sense that things aren't quite right.  Yesterday I noticed that I have problems with distance vision on moving objects.  I see double.  Close up, things are normal.  Static things at distance, are normal.   Regardless of what I do with my binoculars, moving remote objects are double.  People moving next to static objects, people are double, objects are single.  I'm wondering if the chemo/radiation didn't leave some sort of low-grade brain damage, something affecting base cognition that slows the ability to deal with motion.  What is chemo brain, really.

Salads do come with many calories.  5 black olives, 100 calories, 8 green olives, 100 calories, 6 artichoke pieces, 100 calories.  And somehow, even kale leafs seem moist.  I suspect that fresh veggies must have tons of water in them.