OK... here comes the question no one wants to ask...

ratface

An overlooked HPV perspective

I went down this road in 2010. My wife was my caregiver also. I must say I have never had a more intimate moment than my wife holding my hand when I was in those horrible life threatening treatment days. If you and your spouse had a good relationship prior to the cancer it will be even better as some time passes. Human touch is the most magical thing on earth and it will serve you both well. We are closer today more than ever and this experience is paying huge dividends.

The whole HPV fear in reference to sex is totally irrelevant. In a monogamous relationship it dosen't matter. I struggled with did I infect her or did she infect me and what if we reinfect one another. This is a virus that can be transmitted by a simple kiss. So if you are not kissing then you need a therapist. If you are exchanging saliva then it dosen't amount to a hill of beans and the whole argument becomes nonsense. You might as well be having great sex without fear. Let the fears go since we all know life is too short and start reaping the benefit of having survived this disease.

 

rsp

Well said

ratface,

Your words are so true...now if I can only convince my brain!

MemphisTn

I Suggest...

Perhaps you speak with the Rad Onc or Med Onc on your own. The clinic may also have a therapist you can see. I recommend you see them alone first so you can be completely homest about what your feeling. My guess is that it will pass, but it never hurts to use the resources available to you. Yee-Haw!

rsp

Good Stats

Another Survivor-

Leave it to you to fill me with some good facts.  You must really enjoy research... I am glad, because it is not my cup of tea.  

I never thought my initial post on this topic would create so many comments. I really don't know how I would have gotten through the last 8+ months without this site.  Even though my husband won't get on here, it has been so helpful to me.  (He almost had a heart attack when I told him I posted the s-e-x question!)

I thought I needed to see a therapist, but I find this site to be great therapy for me.  Thanks again for your factual information and your humor.  When I tell my husband some of the things I have learned, or some of the comments that I know will make him smile, I refer to you as "my toothbrush friend"... (this title was created back when you were purchasing hundreds of toothbrushes to combat that awful thrush).

May all of you keep moving forward in your recovery, and those of us that are caregivers keep on giving you the support you need.

 

AnotherSurvivor

One of my undergrad majors (I

One of my undergrad majors (I was on the nine year ugrad schedule, grad school was a mere six) was Operations Research; The quest for reality in numbers.  The important events in reality don't work that way, just by the way, but there's good money to be made in programming spreadsheets.

I think that in some ways it may be easier to be the patient than the caregiver.  All I did was lay around, some days didn't feel so hot, but was probably lower energy than I could have been.  This process is disorienting.  Physically, high school football practice was more painful.   My wife still is programmed to serve (tho that is fading).  My daughter decided I'd make it months ago, so has managed to do trips to Mexico and France, and blow her ACL skiing in Aspen.  I just want to figure out how she comes up with so many cheap airfares and find a decent tasting salad dressing.  Life finds a way, you and your hubby will too, enjoy retirement.

Classick49

Hello CSN family. This is new

Hello CSN family. This is new to me. Thank you for all of your stories. It's so good to know others are going through this battle as my husband and I are. In nine years we have been fighting the beast, I the wife and caregiver have never looked for a network of others going through the same new normal. I just wanted to say hello to all you beautiful people and I look forward to sharing, growing, winning and living with all of you.

 

~Tracy

rsp

AnotherSurvivor said:

One of my undergrad majors (I

One of my undergrad majors (I was on the nine year ugrad schedule, grad school was a mere six) was Operations Research; The quest for reality in numbers.  The important events in reality don't work that way, just by the way, but there's good money to be made in programming spreadsheets.

I think that in some ways it may be easier to be the patient than the caregiver.  All I did was lay around, some days didn't feel so hot, but was probably lower energy than I could have been.  This process is disorienting.  Physically, high school football practice was more painful.   My wife still is programmed to serve (tho that is fading).  My daughter decided I'd make it months ago, so has managed to do trips to Mexico and France, and blow her ACL skiing in Aspen.  I just want to figure out how she comes up with so many cheap airfares and find a decent tasting salad dressing.  Life finds a way, you and your hubby will too, enjoy retirement.

Oh to be young again!

Another Survivor-

Your daughter sounds a lot like mine...loves to travel and seems to find super cheap airfare.  However, mine is currently celebrating becoming an audiologist by vacationing in CUBA!  Wish she was more like your daughter in her vacation choices... hope she makes it home after today's decision by the President to ban travel there... ugh.  Will we ever stop worrying about our kids?

Also, my husband tried a salad for the first time after you (I think it was you), mentioned in one of your posts that salad seemed to be one thing you were able to eat without too much trouble.  Well, the salad was a big success!  He was able to eat the whole thing (despite having to cut it into tiny pieces) and said he will be eating them on a regular basis. So, thanks for the tip! Just wish salads came with more calories.

rsp

Welcome, you will like it here!

Classick49-

So glad you found this site.  I was lucky enough to find it right when my husband got diagnosed with SCC on the base of his tongue.  I try to get on every day, and this site has helped me so much.  

My husband has no interest to get on, so I share information with him as I learn new things.  As a caregiver, it has helped me learn and vent.  So nice to know there are many of us in the same boat.  

Welcome, and I hope you enjoy and learn as much as I have from the wonderful/brave fighters on here.  

AnotherSurvivor

Actually, mine would be in

Actually, mine would be in Cuba, but her boyfriend is in the Sierras climbing, so July 4 is Yosemite.  Cuba tho seems to be losing its exotic appeal, plus the ACL sort of messed up the mountain bike part of it.   I can't say I envy her travels that much, I am just intrigued by the mechanics.  Right now just going to the rec center to swim seems a challenge.  

This site is my sanity.  People tell me they recover and have a good normal.  Lots of days I need that hope.  Somehow there is always a sense that things aren't quite right.  Yesterday I noticed that I have problems with distance vision on moving objects.  I see double.  Close up, things are normal.  Static things at distance, are normal.   Regardless of what I do with my binoculars, moving remote objects are double.  People moving next to static objects, people are double, objects are single.  I'm wondering if the chemo/radiation didn't leave some sort of low-grade brain damage, something affecting base cognition that slows the ability to deal with motion.  What is chemo brain, really.

Salads do come with many calories.  5 black olives, 100 calories, 8 green olives, 100 calories, 6 artichoke pieces, 100 calories.  And somehow, even kale leafs seem moist.  I suspect that fresh veggies must have tons of water in them.

AnotherSurvivor

I do hope that your fear that

I do hope that your fear that you may have "infected" your husband will pass.  There is speculation that HPV cancer may be sexually related, but there are no studies confirming that.  Since it may have an incubation period that runs multiple decades, being able to do the DNA testing to identify a specific host is both technically and financially impossible. HPV been found to be present in the throats in nearly 42% of random samples.  Rough math puts the US population with it at over 100 million.  Probably 50,000 H&N cases show up in a year.  Pretty hard to get to correlation from there.  There was a pretty controversial study done in the UK last year that argued that statistically most cancers are probably related to random mutation, not personal or environmental causes.  I've been sleeping with only one woman for nearly 40 years.  She sometimes has lapses in sanity, but I don't thinks she's toxic.  If anything, there were a few years back in the 70s when I probably could have had a bit more self-control.