Husband Just Diagnosed- Stage 3

123Kra said:

My 34 year old husband was

My 34 year old husband was diagnosed with stage 4 two weeks ago and started ABVD last week. W are on day 4, and he is exhausted. it is hard watching him feel like this. i'm scared and am so worried about him. He was awake for about 6 hours today. He felt okay for three of them. Then the fatigue set back in. Does this get easier as I know what to expect from him? i haven't left his side the last 3 weeks but I'm worried I'm not being brave enough for him. Any advise or tips for a spouse? 

Hi 123Kra,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply! You are in the right place to talk and ask questions. You are in the same spot I was a month ago, so I know how you are feeling and I know what you are going through. Does it get easier? Not exactly. Does it get better? Yes. For me, the first few weeks were the worst. You're dealing with 15 different appointments and consulations and all the unknowns of what he might have, what stage he could be in, etc. It's terrifying, I know. But it sounds like your doctors are on it, just like ours was. Your husband is on ABVD like mine. It can be rough I've heard, but it really does come down to the person. It sounds like your husband had a lot taken out of him with the first round. Mine did not sleep that much, but complained that he felt like he had the flu the entire week. He was tired, often falling asleep on the couch, and we were doing a lot of trial and error with foods. Constipation is the biggest thing you need to worry about and stay on top of. I hope your doctor gave you some advice for a daily regimen--if not, I can share ours. The other important thing is that your husband still gets up and walks, and tries to do some "normal" tasks. After the third or fourth day he shouldn't be staying in bed all day (this is a combination of our doctor's orders and my opinion)...make sure he walks, gets his own water or food, etc. The good news is, so far we've found that the off week of chemo is much better, and we call it his "recovery" week. He's able to eat a little more, get out with me some, walk the dog, etc. You will eventually fall into a routine. But don't get comfortable, because side effects pop up at different times for different reasons. The second round of ABVD actually ended up effecting him more than the first round. He felt more tired the second time, and had more stomach problems. But overall, compared to what others are going through on this site, I would say his symptoms are mild and manageable. 

You say you haven't left his side in 3 weeks--I totally get that. I don't know if you work or not, but I am still working full time and being his care giver. Those first few weeks I was missing work like crazy because I didn't want to miss any appointments. Eventually, it takes its toll, and you need to ask for help. Whether you have your family or his, or your friends, you need to let others help you so you can take care of yourself too. I know, easier said than done. I'm in the exact same boat as you, and it really does help when you carry a positive attitude. On the days where I am sad and crying and angry, he feels it too, and it brings the mood down. That's not to say you can't share or show your real feelings around him--but I'm learning it's best to talk to friends, family and people in these forums as well.

You can be brave enough for him, because you are fighting for him. I was worried about that too. How will I keep up the strength to do all of this, while keeping a smile on my face? It's hard! You won't be able to every day. But you have to try. Try to continue doing your fun, normal things and don't always make the cancer the topic of conversation. For us--it's renting movies, ordering pizza, playing with our dog. Just spend time together, and make it quality time.

I hope this helps--I know the others really helped me when I came on here (wow, just 27 days ago!). You'll look back a month from now too and realize how much you've accomplished. I saw you sent me a message about my blog--I'll respond to that separately.