New here

Hello everyone! I am feeling rather lost and overwhelmed with all the "cancer" stuff from my doctor. My first breast cancer was 5 years ago in the left breast and the dr said it was stage 0 DCIS and I had the SAVI treatment. Last year stage 0 DCIS in right breast and before I could start radiation, I got the flu and by the time I was well, the oncologist said it was too late to start. End of Dec. saw my breast dr for annual and there was a very small spot on left breast that needed to be biopsied and he would take care of it early January-by removal. Had surgery two weeks ago and came back as stage 2 invasive DCIS. Now I am scheduled for March 7th for a bilateral mastectomy and feeling the desire to jump off the bridge!! My dr is one of the top men in this field and I like and trust him but really feeling down now. He said reconstruction is not possible but no reason as to why. Not sure if it is because of chest pain or what. I also have lung cancer and do have a lot of chest pain in the muscles because of that. He seems to feel that I can choose breast forms or going flat. I am pretty much okay with going flat but I am heavy and when I brought up dog ears and fat pads under the arms, he said "that is just me" and there isn't anything he can do about it. Is that true or can I get PS later on if needed and does the insurance cover it? We are on BCBSFed and due to my medical issues, there is not a lot of $$ to spend. This surgery will be my 34 in the last 13 years and I need to get a new hobby fast! 

Also, how do I deal with the depression? I still feel I am being pulled so many different ways. I have two married sons and one single son. The single son has put his career on hold to be a care giver for him but no matter what, he is my child and there are things I simply can't say to him. I have wonderful daughters in law but one is bi polar and very self centered and the other is mother to my two grandsons and is overwhelmed and usually wanting to know if I can watch the boys. Husband is just not in touch at all with reality and is jealous that "I get all this attention for being sick and no one is giving him extra attention"!