In a dark place tonight

I am overwhelmed tonight. I have wonderful support from the community and school where I teach and from my church, but sometimes talking to well meaning friends who haven't been through this just isn't enough.  I have been battling colon cancer since February, 2015.  I initially had surgery with a colon resection and 20 lymph nodes removed - 12 were positive for cancer.  I followed that with 12 rounds of chemotherapy - FOLFOX 5 with oxalyplatin.  I made it through the chemo and then had a year with no signs of cancer - clean colonoscopy, great blood work, etc.  On October 30, 2016 my labwork showed up automatically in my online medical records. My CEA levels were elevated for the first time ever in my life.  I knew that wasn't good.

Later that night I got a phone call from my husband who was out of town.  He had gone to the emergency room thinking he was having another hear attack. They ran several tests and scans and told him they believed he had a tumor on his liver that had ruptured.  They were transporting him to Omaha to the liver transplant center (that was a 2+ hour trip for him).  I have custody of my 13 year old granddaughter and was picking her up from weekend visitation when I got the call.  I had to take her home and make arrangements for her care, so I spent the night on the phone and left early in the morning for Omaha.  On my way my oncologist called and asked me to come in to schedule more tests.  I explained the situation and the fact that I knew the test results.  He scheduled all my tests at the hospital where my husband was a patient so I only had to travel up and down the elevator.  

On October 31 my husband was diagnosed with end stage liver cancer that was inoperable.  The prognosis was 6 months to a year.  He went on hospice the first week of December and passed away on December 22.  I was told my cancer had spread to my liver, multiple lymph nodes and pelvic bone.  Surgery is not an option right now, so I am back on chemo - another 12 rounds, this time FOLFIRI with irinotecan.  I have completed 4 rounds.  After 6 rounds they will repeat all the scans to see if the chemo is shrinking the cancer including the tumor on the pelvic floor.

I don't know what I am asking, I just needed to get this out.  Please pray for us, I don't know what else to do.