In a dark place tonight

nj55

I am overwhelmed tonight. I have wonderful support from the community and school where I teach and from my church, but sometimes talking to well meaning friends who haven't been through this just isn't enough.  I have been battling colon cancer since February, 2015.  I initially had surgery with a colon resection and 20 lymph nodes removed - 12 were positive for cancer.  I followed that with 12 rounds of chemotherapy - FOLFOX 5 with oxalyplatin.  I made it through the chemo and then had a year with no signs of cancer - clean colonoscopy, great blood work, etc.  On October 30, 2016 my labwork showed up automatically in my online medical records. My CEA levels were elevated for the first time ever in my life.  I knew that wasn't good.

Later that night I got a phone call from my husband who was out of town.  He had gone to the emergency room thinking he was having another hear attack. They ran several tests and scans and told him they believed he had a tumor on his liver that had ruptured.  They were transporting him to Omaha to the liver transplant center (that was a 2+ hour trip for him).  I have custody of my 13 year old granddaughter and was picking her up from weekend visitation when I got the call.  I had to take her home and make arrangements for her care, so I spent the night on the phone and left early in the morning for Omaha.  On my way my oncologist called and asked me to come in to schedule more tests.  I explained the situation and the fact that I knew the test results.  He scheduled all my tests at the hospital where my husband was a patient so I only had to travel up and down the elevator.  

On October 31 my husband was diagnosed with end stage liver cancer that was inoperable.  The prognosis was 6 months to a year.  He went on hospice the first week of December and passed away on December 22.  I was told my cancer had spread to my liver, multiple lymph nodes and pelvic bone.  Surgery is not an option right now, so I am back on chemo - another 12 rounds, this time FOLFIRI with irinotecan.  I have completed 4 rounds.  After 6 rounds they will repeat all the scans to see if the chemo is shrinking the cancer including the tumor on the pelvic floor.

I don't know what I am asking, I just needed to get this out.  Please pray for us, I don't know what else to do.

Noellesmom

Lifting prayers

To say you are in a difficult place is an understatement.  I am sorry to hear you are going through all this.

Start lining up your help now. 

Praying your treatments work surely and quickly.

MyNewNormal

Sending prayers your way

Sending prayers your way. I am so sorry for what you are going through. All this cancer stuffis horrible. 

Feel the love that is sent to you.

nj55

Thank you for your prayers

Thank you for your prayers and support.  I am still struggling, but this week has been a little easier.  My granddaughter is really my reason to go on right now, and she has been a God send (literally).  After losing her grandpa three weeks ago, she had a meltdown before school this morning.  She was convinced something bad was going to happen if she was not with me today.  I took her with me to my chemo treatments and she was really great company.  My friends from church are driving me and they see it as obvious that she should be at every chemo with me.  It was wonderful for her to here from "outsiders" (to her) that I needed her, she is wonderful for me, etc. She doesn't always believe me.  She says Grandma's have to say that.  She is coming from so much bullying and feeling worthless that she was suicidal.  Everyone is encouraging her and promising to be there to help us and help her learn to drive, to cook, etc so that she can feel truly needed. She cares for all our animals and helps with daily chores, so she is already a big help.

I started round 5 today and got the results of the biologicals.  Unfortunately I have the KRAS mutation and several others that eliminate all options except the Folfox and Folfiri regimens.  Hopefully ??? I will be able to have surgery after the chemo. (What a strange thing to hope for.)  The lab that did all the genetic analysis did also locate all possible clinical trials for my specific cancer - there are 390 of them.  Surely one of them will offer something other than continuous chemo for the rest of my life.

gcrich677

Prayers for you and your Granddaughter

I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through.  I'm sending you both some prayers for comfort and strength.