Can open...worms everywhere!

My dad and I are similar. My mom is sick, and we have assumed her care for the time being but my dad and I DO NOT get along. All I can say is, it happens. Once, I ended up leaving for a few hours and clearing my head with another relative. But when I came back, things weren't fixed but they were resolved for the time being. Some parents will always treat you like their child and never like an adult, which sucks but is true. During times like this, we are going to lash out at eachother, but when we are done venting, it is important to remember that they are family. If you can forgive yourself for lashing out, it will be easier to start forgiving your mother. Even if you feel like your mother doesn't deserve it, do it for you and for the fact that she is sick. That way, you can go on to be the best person you can. Parents don't always express themselves the way the should or how we'd like them too. They do love us though, even if it's hard to see or feel. I'm sure your mother appreciates it but in many ways, doesn't know how to express it. Or, doen't realize how much things hurt you. That is her cross to bear. Don't let anger crowd this moment for you both. You are lucky to get to spend time with her and see her at her most vulnerable. That can be scary and she trusts you enough to let you see it.

No one ever said caregiving was easy.  During my mother's last two years of life she lived with us.  Something she didn't want to do, but she had no choice.  She wanted to live with my younger sister, but her husband wouldn't allow it.  She would always complain about me to my older sister and would say she wanted to live with our younger sister.  I was still working so it fell to my husband who said he didn't mind. He had the patience of a saint.   But week-ends were all mine and many times I couldn't wait to go back to work on Monday.  My mother raised us after my father left and he never paid any child support.  My brother on the other hand offered no help at all.  My mother expected you to do everything for her.   I remember the last night my mother was alert.  After I put her to bed, she called me back and told me she loved me something I don't remember her doing very often for which we always said it was the way her parents were.  In the morning when she went into a coma, I felt bad for things I said during the heat of the moment.  But my husband said she understood.

Now I am dealing with my husband's death from cancer and some of the things I said during his last days when caregiving became too much.  I did it all, sons and their families no help and at times especially when he could no longer do for himself it really became hard.  But I would always apologize and said I loved him and I wasn't mad at him, just at the situation.  He said he understood but still as caregivers it does get to be too much at times and we do and say things we later regret. 

You must remember to take care of yourself too because you are important too.  Is your mother on Medicare?  Hospice can be called in since you said she was terminal.  They can offer some assistance and provide all of her medications for the cancer only.  My husband was on hospice for almost two years before he passed.  It was in-home hospice.  When it came down to the end, they said he could go in-patient hospice, but that was something we didn't want and round the clock nursing was offered but I didn't want all those strangers coming in our home.  I realize that not all hospice organizations have their own in-patient facilities because I have had two friends lose their husbands recently and they didn't have an option for in-patient hospice.  Maybe you should check into hospice if your mother is terminal.  Ask her doctors.  Just know that once on hospice no further treatment is allowed except if it is a medical condition not dealing with the cancer then you have to notify hospice first.

Wishing you peace and comfort